"SIMPLY......HAVING........A WONDERFUL CHRISTMAAAAS TIME"
-paul mccartney
Nice call - that is seasonal saccharine suckage
Since JE said that you're the prime rib (Arby's guy that you are) responsible for this sanctuary of sorts...I wish you and all here enough wassail to float a battleship...
from a previously penned item of my under the pseudonym of senator jay bullworth'Twas the night before Christmas, and kickin' at my house
Was moi, Jill and Janet, and nary a spouse
Yours truly was hung by the chimney with care
Knowing full well that Janet and Jill would get
thereThe girls were all nestled and snug in my bed
While thoughts of debauchery danced in my head
Soft as a feather and lying together
Were Janet and Jill, in teddies of leather
When suddenly from the roof, there rose such a clatter,
first tumbling.....then silence.....then a sickening splatter
Opening my window, I looked down below
There, drunk, was Santa, with his raindeers in tow
I called down below: "Yo Santa, is it you?
And why did you crash, I thought your sled flew?"
He said while en route from urban to suburban,
That 'Blitzen' spiked his Coke, with a gallon 'o bourbon.
I invited him in, for it was so cold outside
Some coffee might help Santa's buzz to subside,
But Santa instead, reached inside of his wool,
And whipped out a 'Red Bull' and lit up a Kool
He start to 'chrip' once he noticed my girls,
"Why delavan, you swine, who are these young pearls?"
It was then that I knew: Santa staged his fake 'crash'
He was looking for sympathy, from my girlie stash
Then out of the corner came muh homie Jerome
Whose instincts are sharper than the sharpest knife honed
"Santa you scoundrel, you are without class,
get those toys to those kids, or I WILL kick your ***!"
Santa then slumped, and then turned away
A picture of dejection, a lump of dismay,
I called out to him, least he quit on his rounds:
"Get those toys to those kids, and you won't wear a frown"
He brightened and smiled: "is it true? say you will!
I'm tired of passing cathouse windowsills
If you will keep your promise, for sure what it's worth,
I'll give out these toys to every kid on this earth!"
Then Santa dispensed with the gifts in his sack,
Made good on my promise, Santa's 'helpers' were wack
But he didn't know, 'till the bright lights came on,
That we fixed him up with "greased elves" ...in a huff, Santa was gone!
His sled and raindeer, in a flash, was airborne,
'Cause fat men and 'greased elves' do not make for good porn,
"delavan, you tricked me!..and that wasn't right,
So GFY, and to all a 'good night'!"
Wishing all of you every happiness in the world ...,
I am,
delavan
Topic: Annoyances (Read 514021 times)