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Author Topic: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7  (Read 2193 times)

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Badger

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Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« on: December 07, 2014, 08:03:37 PM »
Since we're all looking forward to free agency and the draft I thought I'd put something together.

Rex and Idzik fired, we get Jim Harbaugh after the 49ers fire him, we give him full control of personnel. Harbaugh dies of an aneurysm while trying to navigate the highways around the Meadowlands. Greg Roman promoted to HC.

Departures:
QB Geno Smith
G Willie Colon
G Brian Winters
G Dakota Dozier
G Oday Aboushi
DE Leger Douzable
LB Nick Bellore
QB Michael Vick
WR Chris Owusu
CB Joshua Thomas
FB John Conner
CB Phillip Adams

FA Acquisitions:
QB Mark Sanchez
Some homeless guys to play guard
No one else (gotta keep that cap space free)

Draft:

R1P4: Due to Chris Ivory's despicable 71 yard TD run vs Oakland, the Jets narrowly miss out on surefire elite QBs Jameis Winston and Marcus Mariota. Unfortunately they were the only QBs in the draft. They select Nebraska DE Randy Gregory, who has two first names and probably sucks.

R2P4: Thanks to Geno Smith's selfish shovel pass TD to Chris Johnson vs Oakland, the next Reggie Wayne, FSU WR Rashad Greene, goes one pick before the Jets are on the clock. They select TCU CB Kevin White by accident while trying to draft WVU WR Kevin White.

R3P4: Because of Michael Vick's thuggish TD pass to TJ Graham vs Pittsburgh, the Jets are unable to draft anyone good here so  they just write "Dickbutt" on the draft card and then giggle profusely when a confused Goodell reads the card on stage. The Jets should have known someone with a history as stained as Vick's could only hurt them in future draft position.

R4: Pick given up for Percy Harvin, who is still on the roster despite taking up precious, precious cap space. Don't they know they could cut him and have more cap space?!

R5P4: In a surprising move, the Jets select Emmy-winning actor Jim Parsons of The Big Bang Theory. Greg Roman sees an episode and figures this guy is one of those unsociable genius types like Harbaugh was. He misses Harbaugh.

R6P4: Texas WR Jaxon Shipley. This porcelain dynamo will be compared to Wayne Chrebet before being cut after the fourth preseason game.

R7P4: Joe Bergeron, FB, Texas A&M Commerce. Always gotta draft a fullback.

Questions? Comments? Emotional outbursts?
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Heismanberg

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2014, 08:05:30 PM »
not enough guards or black QBs
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Quote from: Tommy on July 11, 2015, 03:18:14 AM
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MBGreen

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2014, 08:06:29 PM »
nice read.

Was Idzik really fired in your scenario?  Because those selections have his scent all over them.
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"Hello good sir GM, may we pretty please have your throwaway centers and gords please??!?  I'll suck yo'dick!"

MBGreen

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2014, 08:07:39 PM »
Why not spend some cap space on Jackson Jeffcoat?
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Quote from: bojanglesman
"Hello good sir GM, may we pretty please have your throwaway centers and gords please??!?  I'll suck yo'dick!"

Badger

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2014, 08:08:12 PM »
Quote from: MBGreen on December 07, 2014, 08:06:29 PM
nice read.

Was Idzik really fired in your scenario?  Because those selections have his scent all over them.

An anonymous source reports that Idzik is still living inside the walls at Florham Park and adds his input to the scouting files overnight.
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Badger

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2014, 08:10:48 PM »
Quote from: MBGreen on December 07, 2014, 08:07:39 PM
Why not spend some cap space on Jackson Jeffcoat?

We need to save our cap space so we can sign him to a bigger deal in 2016.
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MBGreen

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2014, 08:11:27 PM »
Quote from: Badger on December 07, 2014, 08:10:48 PM
We need to save our cap space so we can sign him to a bigger deal in 2016.

Play like a Jet


Plan like a Jet
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Quote from: bojanglesman
"Hello good sir GM, may we pretty please have your throwaway centers and gords please??!?  I'll suck yo'dick!"

bojanglesman

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2014, 08:37:58 PM »
If we pick at 4 in the draft, we will win the super bowl.  If we pick at 5, dead last in the league.
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reuben

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #8 on: December 08, 2014, 03:03:44 PM »
I really want to see the Goodell dickbutt gif now.
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Jumbo

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Re: Mock Offseason 5.4.1.7
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2014, 03:47:04 PM »
You forgot the part where we give all of that cap space to Revis
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