Say Sweet Thang, Can I Buy You A Fish Sandwich?

[JFIF]

I can't imagine ever wanting to freak a stripper.  Maybe when I was a teenager.

A stripper could be a 2 with half her teeth missing or a 10 who looks like she stepped off a Maxim cover. So yeah, in the abstract it means nothing. But anyone who says they wouldn't freak one closer to the latter is either gay or a liar.

[JFIF]

Sticking a finger or two in some coke whore does nothing for my dick

And they won't do anything for your dick if you don't get them wet or turn them on.

If they bang you it's either because they like you or you're paying them a lot of money.

[Heismanberg]

And they won't do anything for your dick if you don't get them wet or turn them on.

If they bang you it's either because they like you or you're paying them a lot of money.

Trust me on this one:  they don't like you

[Miamipuck]

I am sorry, I have been around plenty of strippers, my good friend has run numerous clubs, and they are more trouble than they're worth. You can go to any bar and pick up broads that are an order of magnitude less crazy and pretty much just as good looking.

99.9 percent of strippers are freaking nuts. Sure when you're liquored up you would want to bang one, most guys drunk would probably bang any freaking broad though, but sober no freaking way, no how.

I hate strippers, I hate their small talk, I hate their fake personalities, I hate their fake bullshit smiles, I hate they're shitty attitudes, I hate their used car salesmen bullshit, they're all annoying cunts.

 I understand they have great funbags and excrement but why guys want to subject themselves to a relationship with those black holes of human excrement is beyond me. I can literally find 50 broads in the office building I work in that I would rather bang.

Also that story of strippers putting themselves through college, becoming lawyers and having families in houses with white picket fences is about the same as going into the woods and hunting for unicorns.

The only fake thing I like with regard to strippers are their funbags.

[Heismanberg]

You can go to any bar and pick up broads that are an order of magnitude less crazy and pretty much as good looking.

thank you

[bojanglesman]

Gotta be like a theater curtain down there.  Better dust off my box of cow palpation sleeves.

[JFIF]

I am sorry, I have been around plenty of strippers, my good friend has run numerous clubs, and they are more trouble than they're worth. You can go to any bar and pick up broads that are an order of magnitude less crazy and pretty much just as good looking.

99.9 percent of strippers are freaking nuts. Sure when you're liquored up you would want to bang one, most guys drunk would probably bang any freaking broad though, but sober no freaking way, no how.

I hate strippers, I hate their small talk, I hate their fake personalities, I hate their fake bullshit smiles, I hate they're shitty attitudes, I hate their used car salesmen bullshit, they're all annoying cunts.

I understand they have great funbags and excrement but why guys want to subject themselves to a relationship with those black holes of human excrement is beyond me. I can literally find 50 broads in the office building I work in that I would rather bang.

Also that story of strippers putting themselves through college, becoming lawyers and having families in houses with white picket fences is about the same as going into the woods and hunting for unicorns.

The only fake thing I like with regard to strippers are their funbags.

100%

They're freaking wackjobs. "Normal" women are bad enough as it is. That's not even a debate.  Not sure where the relationship part came into the equation. Anyone who'd date a stripper has issues. 

In doses some can be fun though. Not the type of woman you get close to

[JFIF]

I'll tell you this though Puck. You've been out of the game for a minute. Women have gotten stupider and worse with the younger generation, if that's somehow possible. Go out to a bar in south beach or wynwood or brickell and tell me those girls still aren't bat excrement crazy. I know because I still meet these chicks regularly. Whether meeting them out or on tinder or kickball leagues or whatever.

I think you're underestimating how fucked up 20-35 year old women now a days are.  They just hide their crazy and daddy issues a little better and for longer than a stripper. At least with a stripper you know they're a piece of excrement going into it.  Same with hookers.

It's the girl who's an attorney or PR rep or whatever with the cute smile, but ends up having some fucked up family issues or molestation issues you'll never know about that are the most dangerous. 
Some of the craziest women i've ever met are the smartest and most successful. In fact, being smart allows them to be more manipulative and cunning and believe their own bullshit.

[JFIF]

Trust me on this one:  they don't like you

This isn't your area of expertise and you haven't experienced the same things in life that I have , so why would I trust you on this?

I'm not even being a dick by saying that. I just have a lot more experience with women in general. Not all good obviously but that's part of the knowledge.

[Johnny English]

This isn't your area of expertise and you haven't experienced the same things in life that I have , so why would I trust you on this?

I'm not even being a dick by saying that. I just have a lot more experience with women in general. Not all good obviously but that's part of the knowledge.

Everything about this post is amazing.

[MBGreen]

Everything about this post is amazing.

I'm still laughing. 

[Ignatius J Reilly]

Also that story of strippers putting themselves through college, becoming lawyers and having families in houses with white picket fences is about the same as going into the woods and hunting for unicorns.

The only fake thing I like with regard to strippers are their funbags.

I know one.  She's actually awesome.  Never would have guessed she stripped to put herself through college before she told my wife.  She became a teacher and is now married with a 1 year old.

Of course, she also hated every single other girl she worked with.

[Miamipuck]

I know one.  She's actually awesome.  Never would have guessed she stripped to put herself through college before she told my wife.  She became a teacher and is now married with a 1 year old.

Of course, she also hated every single other girl she worked with.

Yeah I was tired when I wrote that, maybe not quite unicorn level but very very very rare. lol

If she is cool I the not bolded part goes without saying.

[Miamipuck]

I'll tell you this though Puck. You've been out of the game for a minute. Women have gotten stupider and worse with the younger generation, if that's somehow possible. Go out to a bar in south beach or wynwood or brickell and tell me those girls still aren't bat excrement crazy. I know because I still meet these chicks regularly. Whether meeting them out or on tinder or kickball leagues or whatever.

I think you're underestimating how fucked up 20-35 year old women now a days are.  They just hide their crazy and daddy issues a little better and for longer than a stripper. At least with a stripper you know they're a piece of excrement going into it.  Same with hookers.

It's the girl who's an attorney or PR rep or whatever with the cute smile, but ends up having some fucked up family issues or molestation issues you'll never know about that are the most dangerous. 
Some of the craziest women i've ever met are the smartest and most successful. In fact, being smart allows them to be more manipulative and cunning and believe their own bullshit.

I don't doubt the craziness of broads. Strippers were never my thing, I was just "lucky" enough to be around a bunch and see their nonsense, I would hang with my buddy a lot, he had to manage them. haha Lots of luck with that, it was like herding cats.

 I know a few younger women and they seem cool but I am not trying to get in their pants. I know a lot are fucked up but you're probably not in the best of scenes to find the ones that aren't. Lets face it, on Brickell and South Beach, you're not going to meet your wife, your just there for the low hanging fruit. lol

They're low hanging fruit for a reason.

[JFIF]

I don't doubt the craziness of broads. Strippers were never my thing, I was just "lucky" enough to be around a bunch and see their nonsense, I would hang with my buddy a lot, he had to manage them. haha Lots of luck with that, it was like herding cats.

 I know a few younger women and they seem cool but I am not trying to get in their pants. I know a lot are fucked up but you're probably not in the best of scenes to find the ones that aren't. Lets face it, on Brickell and South Beach, you're not going to meet your wife, your just there for the low hanging fruit. lol

They're low hanging fruit for a reason.

I've given up on meeting my wife in this city.  I'll go back to NY/NJ if that's the goal.

I'm just trying to enjoy the last few years of my near prime before I have to hang em up for good