Only in Florida

[Johnny English]

http://thinkprogress.org/justice/2013/10/17/2796371/school-kkk/

(Although obviously there's a bunch of other places this could happen as well. I just wanted to bring back a classic thread.)

[Badger]

Obligatory https://twitter.com/_FloridaMan

[Badger]

Florida-Winnipeg crossover, or "You can take the man out of Florida, but you can't take Florida out of the man":

WINNIPEG – A 40-year-old Florida man has been sentenced to eight years in prison for disguising himself as a busty female clown and robbing a Winnipeg credit union at gunpoint.

Rondell Johnson barged into the Crosstown Civic Credit Union last December and demanded cash.

He was wearing a dress, blonde wig, white gloves and a mask, while a pair of Nerf balls were used as breasts.

Johnson has been given credit for 10 months of time served.

It’s unclear how or why he was in Canada in the first place.

http://www.680news.com/2013/10/15/florida-man-gets-eight-years-for-dressing-as-clown-robbing-winnipeg-bank/

[Fenwyr]

It’s unclear how or why he was in Canada in the first place.

Quoted for truth.

[Badger]

Credit to SI for finding this one.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/25/john-henry-shiffner-assault-girlfriend-blames-obama_n_4164018.html

A Florida man accused of pushing his pregnant girlfriend on the ground reportedly began wildly rambling about Obama following his arrest.

John Henry Shiffner, 18, was arrested Saturday evening in the town of Century, according to an Escambia County Sheriff's report obtained by The Smoking Gun. Shiffner's 30-year-old girlfriend said he was agitated because of a recent death in the family, and when she tried to calm him down, he pushed her on the ground hard enough that she landed on her back.

The woman is two and a half months pregnant, which she said Shiffner knew.

The arresting deputy wrote in the report that Shiffner "began rambling on about how Obama is right." Shiffner then allegedly stated, "Obama said cops always listen to women."

Some light Googling indicates that Obama has probably never said this.

[Johnny English]

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/102835

[Tommy]

http://www.digitaljournal.com/article/102835

Oh  no. no no no no no no.

[bojanglesman]

Quick hypothetical......would you rather wake up from surgery with both arms amputated or your penis amputated?  As weird as it sounds, I'd say bye to my wiener. 

[Badger]

Quick hypothetical......would you rather wake up from surgery with both arms amputated or your penis amputated?  As weird as it sounds, I'd say bye to my wiener. 

I know a guy who was born without arms and legs. He does alright.

[624]

I know a guy who was born without arms and legs. He does alright.

We all know Hobbes

[Tommy]

Quick hypothetical......would you rather wake up from surgery with both arms amputated or your penis amputated?  As weird as it sounds, I'd say bye to my wiener. 

Jerking off with a prosthetic hand sounds like fun.

[bojanglesman]

Jerking off with a prosthetic hand sounds like fun.

I did not consider this.  Probably feels like someone else is doing it.  Bonus points.

[Fenwyr]

Quick hypothetical......would you rather wake up from surgery with both arms amputated or your penis amputated?  As weird as it sounds, I'd say bye to my wiener. 

I am old enough to have been laid more than I deserve.  If I am going to hang around for a while longer I will need my arms more.  Don't get me wrong, this is a Sophie's choice from hell, but at least I won't need Viagra in 10-20 years.

[Johnny English]

http://blogs.miaminewtimes.com/riptide/2011/10/drunk_florida_man_tries_to_use.php

[Badger]

http://www.economist.com/news/united-states/21588897-tales-bizarre-sunshine-state-man-bites-dog-repeatedly

MOST superheroes fight crime. Florida Man, whose Twitter feed identifies him as “the world’s worst superhero”, commits them. Some are petty (“Florida Man Seen Shoving Snake Down His Pants in Orlando Pet Store”). Some are violent (“Florida Man Aims Semi-Automatic Rifle at Snake, Shoots Urinating Friend”). Some are rude (“Florida Man Caught Showering Naked with a Garden Hose on High School Campus, Blames Mexicans”). Sometimes Florida Man finds love (“Florida Man Comes to the Aid of Drunk Woman Who Fell off Park Bench, Public Sex Ensues”).