Jet Offensive

Other Stuff => The Pats-Hater Parking Lot => Topic started by: Badger on July 15, 2015, 09:33:27 PM

Title: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 15, 2015, 09:33:27 PM
This thread will serve as a compendium of all the fatherly wisdom that JO has to offer.

(http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/07/15/f92b69e730ece87f85318cb3b611f44b.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 16, 2015, 06:13:32 AM
That is quite true.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on July 16, 2015, 07:54:11 AM
^^
I read that as "all the fatherly wisdom that JE has to offer."
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 16, 2015, 08:10:58 AM
"If you have to take one for the team, go all out and do it right.  Remember, by definition, all of her friends are hotter than her and girls love to talk."
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 16, 2015, 08:28:19 AM
Some good advice I've seen/heard over the years.....

"Punch the one talking the most excrement."
"When you're 40 freaking years old you can eat as many godddamn cookies as you please"
"It's not about not doing stupid things, It's about not being stupid while doing stupid things"
"take a good long look at her mother....that's where she's headed"
"Never pass up an opportunity to shut the freak up."
"Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
"Don’t be humble. You’re not that good.”
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on July 16, 2015, 08:37:08 AM
Some good advice I've seen/heard over the years.....

1. "Punch the one talking the most excrement."
2. "When you're 40 freaking years old you can eat as many godddamn cookies as you please"
3. "It's not about not doing stupid things, It's about not being stupid while doing stupid things"
4. "take a good long look at her mother....that's where she's headed"
5. "Never pass up an opportunity to shut the freak up."
6. "Money can't buy you happiness, but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it."
7. "Don’t be humble. You’re not that good.”


1. Guinness
2. Me
3. Tommy
4. JFIF
5. Heismanberg
6. JE
7. MBGreen
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 16, 2015, 09:57:39 AM
1. Guinness
2. Me
3. Tommy
4. JFIF
5. Heismanberg
6. JE
7. MBGreen

Haha, can't argue with that.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on July 16, 2015, 10:10:02 AM
Punch me in a dream, you better wake up and apologize
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Fenwyr on July 16, 2015, 10:35:00 AM
1. Guinness
2. Me
3. Tommy
4. JFIF
5. Heismanberg
6. JE
7. MBGreen

Spot on hahaha.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Fenwyr on July 16, 2015, 10:35:41 AM
As to the subject...  Get a cat instead.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Jetaho on July 16, 2015, 11:30:40 AM
Boys learn from the natural consequences of their actions.

Girls don't learn.  Ever.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 16, 2015, 12:08:41 PM
"It's not about not doing stupid things, It's about not being stupid while doing stupid things"

This is underrated advice.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 16, 2015, 03:39:39 PM
This is underrated advice.

I think it's pretty close to only break one law at a time.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 16, 2015, 09:19:22 PM
http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on July 17, 2015, 07:09:41 AM
http://adequateman.deadspin.com/14-things-you-will-say-to-your-kids-a-million-goddamn-t-1717985943
cant access blog
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on July 17, 2015, 09:51:03 AM
cant access blog

sounds like a personal problem
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 17, 2015, 11:19:07 PM
I'm going to some kid's birthday party tomorrow morning, and I'm pretty sure I won't know anyone there. I'm not even sure how my wife knows these people. How do I cope?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on October 17, 2015, 11:37:09 PM

I'm going to some kid's birthday party tomorrow morning, and I'm pretty sure I won't know anyone there. I'm not even sure how my wife knows these people. How do I cope?

Meet people.  How is this difficult?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on October 18, 2015, 01:20:21 AM
Meet people.  How is this difficult?

He's a gov't employee, it expressly states in the employees manual that he's not to converse with others, unless it's combative in nature.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on October 18, 2015, 01:59:10 AM
Masturbate and fall asleep in bathroom.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on October 18, 2015, 05:10:45 AM
I'm going to some kid's birthday party tomorrow morning, and I'm pretty sure I won't know anyone there. I'm not even sure how my wife knows these people. How do I cope?

Alcohol. Lots and lots of alcohol. Bring your own hip flask...
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 18, 2015, 07:34:12 AM

Meet people.  How is this difficult?

Do I have toooooo?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on October 18, 2015, 07:36:26 AM
Smartphone, jet offensive, bathroom, fake shitting.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 18, 2015, 07:47:45 AM

Smartphone, jet offensive, bathroom, fake shitting.

Talking to strangers might not be as bad as reading Puck's shitposts.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on October 19, 2015, 01:46:16 PM
Drink and hit on other moms
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 19, 2015, 01:51:38 PM
It was at 10 AM at a less shitty local version of Chuck E. Cheese. No booze. I just held my son and looked busy with him.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on October 19, 2015, 01:54:19 PM
Talking to strangers might not be as bad as reading Puck's shitposts.

#hireRex
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on October 19, 2015, 06:40:56 PM
It was at 10 AM at a less shitty local version of Chuck E. Cheese. No booze. I just held my son and looked busy with him.

What an awful party

Brilliant strategy though.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on October 21, 2015, 11:06:28 AM
Serious question for the guys who have become dad's recently. Did you read anything or take any of these pre birth classes? My gut tells me we don't need to do many of them but maybe I'm wrong?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on October 21, 2015, 11:11:08 AM
Serious question for the guys who have become dad's recently. Did you read anything or take any of these pre birth classes? My gut tells me we don't need to do many of them but maybe I'm wrong?
We took one at the hospital for the first kid.  It's not a make or break deal, but the best part was actually learning about what to expect with the process.  Not just breathing techniques, but how the timeline typically goes in the hospital.  It was helpful for us.  Cuts down on the surprises when the big day comes.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on October 21, 2015, 11:53:18 AM
we did a pre-parenting seminar thing and it wasnt terribly useful.

the hospital did a pre-register, where they showed us everything and walked us through the process, which WAS helpful, but it was also required by the hospital.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on October 21, 2015, 11:57:26 AM
I would offer advice but my parenting is/was reserved for 10-17 y/o's ( I helped raise 2 kids that weren't my own). Good luck.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on October 21, 2015, 12:55:46 PM

Serious question for the guys who have become dad's recently. Did you read anything or take any of these pre birth classes? My gut tells me we don't need to do many of them but maybe I'm wrong?

I helped raise my nephew from birth and my wife was a nanny in college, so the classes all seemed kind of unnecessary.  They can help if it's new or frightening, though.  The biggest thing is that I could tell you nothing is quite as frightening or serious as you'll think it is, but it won't change how you react.  Every little thing will seem terribly important, but when you look back you'll be amazed that you worried about ultimately meaningless things.  I guess just try to keep that in mind.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Pope on October 21, 2015, 01:05:19 PM
Why the freak do you need a class for throwing something in a dumpster?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on October 21, 2015, 01:06:36 PM

Why the freak do you need a class for throwing something in a dumpster?

lololololololol
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on October 21, 2015, 01:20:19 PM
Why the freak do you need a class for throwing something in a dumpster?

Ha.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on October 21, 2015, 01:55:59 PM
I helped raise my nephew from birth and my wife was a nanny in college, so the classes all seemed kind of unnecessary.  They can help if it's new or frightening, though.  The biggest thing is that I could tell you nothing is quite as frightening or serious as you'll think it is, but it won't change how you react.  Every little thing will seem terribly important, but when you look back you'll be amazed that you worried about ultimately meaningless things.  I guess just try to keep that in mind.

We're still pretty far away so I haven't been worried about much yet. That's actually kind of why I asked because I thought maybe I was being too casual about everything so far.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on October 21, 2015, 01:57:15 PM
Thanks for all the othe input guys. I think she has one class or seminar thing she wants to go to so I'll do that and probably not worry about more.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 21, 2015, 02:08:38 PM
we did a pre-parenting seminar thing and it wasnt terribly useful.

the hospital did a pre-register, where they showed us everything and walked us through the process, which WAS helpful, but it was also required by the hospital.

Hospital pre-register was very helpful. Especially because my wife's water unexpectedly broke the next day so I remembered exactly where to go at the hospital.

We took an online video seminar about birthing and the different options for delivery. Didn't matter since his circumstances necessitated a C section.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 21, 2015, 02:11:15 PM
My wife has five younger siblings and used to be a nanny so we didn't do any baby classes. The nurses at the hospital helped me pick stuff up.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on October 21, 2015, 02:22:59 PM
My wife has five younger siblings and used to be a nanny so we didn't do any baby classes. The nurses at the hospital helped me pick stuff up.

How come you haven't had another kid yet?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on October 21, 2015, 02:49:21 PM
Yeah, ours is doing that pre register thing too.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: NDMick on October 21, 2015, 03:19:30 PM
My wife has five younger siblings and used to be a nanny so we didn't do any baby classes. The nurses at the hospital helped me pick stuff up.

My girl is an only child and I have an older sibling.

I'm so fucked.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Koz on October 22, 2015, 07:01:43 AM
Here's something to remember- when you're sitting in the hospital and they roll the baby in to you, below the baby is a ton of supplies like blankets, diapers and formula. Deplete that excrement on an hourly basis, or when shifts change.  Use every opportunity to grab as much of the free diapers and formula as you can, and keep asking them to restock it for you.  Also, when you're about to check out and bring the baby home, ask them to give you some parting gifts- they always do.

Congrats on the pending arrival. You'll find that being a parent for the first time is truly a mind-blowing experience.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 22, 2015, 07:35:08 AM
^I grabbed as many AD packets as I could before we went home.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on October 22, 2015, 08:16:46 AM
The nurses practically made us take all the diapers.  I guess they probably toss it if you don't.  So much waste in hospitals.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on October 22, 2015, 10:08:14 AM
Common sense is key. That's all you really need.

A class might help you feel more comfortable and it's only a few hours. We did one and I found it helpful, but, I had barely even so much as held a kid before I had one.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on October 22, 2015, 10:12:11 AM
Common sense is key. That's all you really need.

A class might help you feel more comfortable and it's only a few hours. We did one and I found it helpful, but, I had barely even so much as held a kid before I had one.

You just effectively eliminated half the schmucks on this site.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on November 27, 2015, 08:51:46 PM
If you leave a package of baby wipes in the car in sub-freezing weather, will the wipes freeze stiff?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on November 27, 2015, 09:49:24 PM
If you leave a package of baby wipes in the car in sub-freezing weather, will the wipes freeze stiff?
That's worth betting vcash on. I guess it depends on the freezing point of any liquids in there besides water.  Since they are probably almost all water, I'd say yes unless it's just a hair below freezing.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on November 27, 2015, 10:37:44 PM
This should be fun, two schmucks and a science experiment.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on November 27, 2015, 10:45:54 PM
yes. yes they will.

and when you thaw them out, the get soapy and weird. it dried out or first kids butt a bit, we never did it again.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on November 27, 2015, 11:06:24 PM
I dated a girl with a kid for the first time. I stopped dating her because I think her kid has Aspergers.   

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on November 28, 2015, 10:08:32 AM
lmao
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on November 28, 2015, 11:29:02 AM
If you leave a package of baby wipes in the car in sub-freezing weather, will the wipes freeze stiff?
Yes.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on January 26, 2016, 09:04:28 PM
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x81M3g3zjXc
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on February 03, 2016, 08:11:40 PM
My in-laws want to buy a whole life insurance policy for my son and want to know what my wife and I think. Specifically, it's the Gerber Life Grow-Up Plan.

I don't know much about whole life insurance except for the basic difference it has from term life.

After some cursory research it seems like their money could be better invested in something else if they want to leave him something with value, but I'm not really comfortable telling them how to spend their money. But my biggest area of discomfort is still my lack of knowledge about how it would actually work. I'm having trouble finding anything about it that isn't trying to sell it to me.

What do?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on February 03, 2016, 09:19:49 PM
Your gut is correct.  Get a term policy and use some other vehicle to invest (mutual funds, etc.)  I've never heard anything good about whole life policies from anyone that wasn't trying to sell me one.  They are great.....for your insurance agent.
Term policies are cheap and cover the basics that you should be worried about (croaking and leaving your family broke).
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on February 03, 2016, 09:20:26 PM
Maybe they would be interested in something else like a 529 account for college
Title: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on February 03, 2016, 09:24:51 PM
Maybe they would be interested in something else like a 529 account for college

Based on what I've been reading for the last hour or so, this seems like a good way to go and an easy alternative to present to their idea.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on February 03, 2016, 09:27:48 PM
Based on what I've been reading for the last hour or so, this seems like a good way to go and an easy alternative to present to their idea.
Yeah.  Look into your state and see which plans are best.  I can't remember if only the person that writes the check gets to deduct it on state taxes or if it's the account holder.  Bonus if you get a tax deduction from Grandma's check.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Pope on February 03, 2016, 09:39:09 PM
Give your kid some coke and put him on the street. Quick ROI
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on February 04, 2016, 11:28:53 AM
I used to be a life insurance agent. If you have the means to buy Whole Life over Term, and you're buying life insurance anyway, then you should do so.

For a child though? I wouldn't bother with the Gerber thing. IIRC, the Gerber policy is a term policy while the child is under 18 and can then be converted to a whole policy when the child matures at 18. (I don't recall clearly though, so don't quote me there--it's been almost 20 years.)

Investing that money into a college fund makes much more sense. While I certainly believe it's never too early to invest in life insurance (lowest possible premiums, highest possible payout, and you always want to assure your loved ones can carry on in your absence) a child will gain far more from lower college education costs than having a small insurance policy--and have better means to later provide for family members, including purchasing a quality life insurance plan as an adult.

And that's exactly how I'd frame the argument to anyone who wants to invest in my child's future.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on March 18, 2016, 08:10:35 PM
http://nypost.com/2016/03/17/dad-kills-metrocard-scammer-who-ripped-off-his-kid-cops/

On an unrelated note, welcome aboard UKK.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on April 03, 2016, 03:39:39 PM
Dadger 2.0
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on April 03, 2016, 03:47:14 PM
Good excrement badger, Congrats!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on April 03, 2016, 04:47:41 PM
That was a great post.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on April 03, 2016, 05:19:15 PM
You knocked up again Badger? Way to go man.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on April 03, 2016, 05:38:04 PM
Thanks guys. Wasn't sure if I was gonna make it public on FB or JO first, but I figured it would just work itself out.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 03, 2016, 07:30:23 PM
Wow. Great news! Congrats brotha
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on April 03, 2016, 10:13:24 PM
Way to freak, man.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on April 03, 2016, 10:31:47 PM
ya man, way to go. we're not having any more, so i wont get a girl. i was hoping, but i love my 2 boys. enjoy it dude
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Koz on April 04, 2016, 09:50:18 AM
Congrats.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on April 04, 2016, 10:20:03 AM
I already knew about this from my February trip, right Badger? You told us then?

Congrats btw, I think we already toasted this lol.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on April 04, 2016, 10:55:40 AM
I already knew about this from my February trip, right Badger? You told us then?

Congrats btw, I think we already toasted this lol.

Yes, you guys got the news early.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on April 04, 2016, 11:25:58 AM
Congrats Badger!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on April 04, 2016, 11:37:48 AM
Way to not be a homo!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: eyedea on April 04, 2016, 12:27:54 PM
I watch Peppa Pig all day
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on April 04, 2016, 12:29:47 PM
I watch Peppa Pig all day
I hate that excrement.  Thank God my kid only liked it for about 3 days. 
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 04, 2016, 01:56:27 PM
Talking to strangers might not be as bad as reading Puck's shitposts.

Looooool
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 04, 2016, 02:00:15 PM
Yes, you guys got the news early.
You know, when I saw this thread bumped, I thought you told us in February and I thought this was an actual birth announcement, but then I realized it was way too early for any baby to be coming by now. So, I kind of blanked here. Ha, I'm burnt.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 04, 2016, 02:01:44 PM
I watch Peppa Pig all day
BIG BALLOON BIG BALLOON

HIGHER THAN THE SUN AND MOON...
My oldest liked it for a bit, but now she's moved on to big girl stuff like freaking My Little Pony and Mutt & Stuff. Yay.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 04, 2016, 02:02:41 PM
I was Ryder from the Paw Patrol this past Halloween.

No bullshit. Now, that's how to dad.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on April 04, 2016, 02:07:18 PM
How come you haven't had another kid yet?

I knocked up my wife within a month of this post.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on April 04, 2016, 02:08:52 PM
I was Ryder from the Paw Patrol this past Halloween.

No bullshit. Now, that's how to dad.

I want to do a Groot/Rocket Raccoon duo with my son next Halloween.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on April 04, 2016, 02:09:24 PM
I knocked up my wife within a month of this post.

subliminal message mode disengage
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on April 04, 2016, 02:09:46 PM
You know, when I saw this thread bumped, I thought you told us in February and I thought this was an actual birth announcement, but then I realized it was way too early for any baby to be coming by now. So, I kind of blanked here. Ha, I'm burnt.

I just went public with it on Facebook yesterday.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 04, 2016, 02:10:54 PM
I just went public with it on Facebook yesterday.
I know that. Now.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 04, 2016, 02:12:58 PM
I want to do a Groot/Rocket Raccoon duo with my son next Halloween.
I'm either gonna be Groo from Despicable Me or the popcorn guy at the end of Mutt & Stuff. My oldest has about 5 months to figure it out. Although, she'll probably be on to something else by then.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on April 04, 2016, 02:21:29 PM
(http://imageshack.com/a/img922/2115/BiFxu3.jpg)
My kids love the Minions right now. We made 4 of these last week.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on April 04, 2016, 02:33:37 PM
You made replica's of Koz's head?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on April 04, 2016, 03:23:35 PM
I want to do a Groot/Rocket Raccoon duo with my son next Halloween.

Almost did that one with Reilly, but then he switched at the last second to wanting to do Batman and Robin.  Sadly, I was Robin.  We've also been Iron Man and Captain America, Bruce Banner and mini-Hulk, and Kylo Ren and Han Solo (which became even better after the movie came out).  My daughter was Rey this year and my wife was an Ewok, which was the first time we've all worked together.

The only one my wife ever said no to was Tyrion and Bronn.  For some reason she wants Reilly to know who he's dressing as.  Lame.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 04, 2016, 10:58:36 PM
Tyrion and Bronn would be epic. Just educate the lad with some cliff notes.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on April 05, 2016, 06:52:14 PM
My wife is due in early July. Saw the thread and figured this is a good place to toss that info out.

Here is a collection of the stuff I bought for Cane Jr. before the wife banned me from buying baby stuff without her approval:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/88dfc8a87590e4ba14d02ad1b877d39c.jpg)

Then I bought this:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/18b0313a84cf71deaaad3e875ca377dd.jpg)

Sean Taylor Onesie Jersey. She learned a valuable lesson that day.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on April 05, 2016, 07:01:18 PM
My wife is due in early July. Saw the thread and figured this is a good place to toss that info out.

Here is a collection of the stuff I bought for Cane Jr. before the wife banned me from buying baby stuff without her approval:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/88dfc8a87590e4ba14d02ad1b877d39c.jpg)

Then I bought this:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/18b0313a84cf71deaaad3e875ca377dd.jpg)

Sean Taylor Onesie Jersey. She learned a valuable lesson that day.
You are going to be a good dad.

Sent from my SM-G920W8 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on April 05, 2016, 07:37:05 PM
Awesome. Your child will have all the jerseys.
Title: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on April 05, 2016, 08:13:56 PM
Awesome. Your child will have all the jerseys.

That's the plan. Congrats to you, too.


You are going to be a good dad.

Thanks. I'll be happy to let him find his own path in life, but some stuff isn't debatable.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on April 05, 2016, 09:23:09 PM
Thanks. I'll be happy to let him find his own path in life, but some stuff isn't debatable.

At least let him make his own decision on the Turtles though, eh?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on April 06, 2016, 04:53:33 AM

At least let him make his own decision on the Turtles though, eh?

It's hard to tell in the pic, but that is actually a four pack of ninja turtles pacifiers. The choice is his.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on April 06, 2016, 06:13:05 AM
It's hard to tell in the pic, but that is actually a four pack of ninja turtles pacifiers. The choice is his.
Give him Michaelangelo, it's really the only choice.

#shitparenting
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on April 06, 2016, 06:39:13 AM
Raphael was always the best one.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 06, 2016, 06:54:56 AM
My wife is due in early July. Saw the thread and figured this is a good place to toss that info out.

Here is a collection of the stuff I bought for Cane Jr. before the wife banned me from buying baby stuff without her approval:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/88dfc8a87590e4ba14d02ad1b877d39c.jpg)

Then I bought this:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/18b0313a84cf71deaaad3e875ca377dd.jpg)

Sean Taylor Onesie Jersey. She learned a valuable lesson that day.

Awesome. Love your strategy.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on April 06, 2016, 10:18:17 AM
My wife is due in early July. Saw the thread and figured this is a good place to toss that info out.

Here is a collection of the stuff I bought for Cane Jr. before the wife banned me from buying baby stuff without her approval:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/88dfc8a87590e4ba14d02ad1b877d39c.jpg)

Then I bought this:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160405/18b0313a84cf71deaaad3e875ca377dd.jpg)

Sean Taylor Onesie Jersey. She learned a valuable lesson that day.

Congrats bro and I I can only say in regards to your jersey's and ruining your kid for life (making him a Jets fan lol)........... It's easier to ask for forgiveness than it is permission. Keep up the good work.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on April 07, 2016, 04:48:39 AM
Thank you, guys.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 05, 2016, 01:43:29 AM
So yesterday morning my wife woke up with abdominal pains and long story short she'll be in the hospital for the rest of the week, but the baby is OK.

The doctors believe the pain is from a degenerating fibroid and they have her taking indocin to help her avoid going into preterm labor, since we are only at 28 weeks.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 05, 2016, 03:20:08 AM
So yesterday morning my wife woke up with abdominal pains and long story short she'll be in the hospital for the rest of the week, but the baby is OK.

The doctors believe the pain is from a degenerating fibroid and they have her taking indocin to help her avoid going into preterm labor, since we are only at 28 weeks.
Good to hear the baby is OK.  We'll be thinking of you bud.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on May 05, 2016, 06:49:18 AM
Jesus. Good luck Badger.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on May 05, 2016, 07:08:15 AM

So yesterday morning my wife woke up with abdominal pains and long story short she'll be in the hospital for the rest of the week, but the baby is OK.

The doctors believe the pain is from a degenerating fibroid and they have her taking indocin to help her avoid going into preterm labor, since we are only at 28 weeks.

The baby is fine and looks like she's in good hands. Hoping for a speedy recovery for her.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on May 05, 2016, 08:16:13 AM
So yesterday morning my wife woke up with abdominal pains and long story short she'll be in the hospital for the rest of the week, but the baby is OK.

The doctors believe the pain is from a degenerating fibroid and they have her taking indocin to help her avoid going into preterm labor, since we are only at 28 weeks.

That's gotta be terrifying.  Take good care of your boy.  He's not going to understand any of this.  Are you able to take today and tomorrow off?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 05, 2016, 08:27:42 AM
So yesterday morning my wife woke up with abdominal pains and long story short she'll be in the hospital for the rest of the week, but the baby is OK.

The doctors believe the pain is from a degenerating fibroid and they have her taking indocin to help her avoid going into preterm labor, since we are only at 28 weeks.

I hope she gets better and the baby is safe/healthy.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Fenwyr on May 05, 2016, 09:33:41 AM
Fibroids...  The reason I have cats.  freak fibroids.  Good luck Badge.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 05, 2016, 10:39:09 AM
That's gotta be terrifying.  Take good care of your boy.  He's not going to understand any of this.  Are you able to take today and tomorrow off?

Yes, I have a ton of leave saved up.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on May 05, 2016, 11:26:26 AM
Good luck man! Angie had a bunch of issues with the first preg, at one point they said they had lost the beat, but once we got passed those issues her and baby were gold.

You'll be gold too!

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on May 05, 2016, 12:01:17 PM
Best wishes going forward Badger.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on May 05, 2016, 12:04:07 PM
You guys can't catch a break on these pregnancies. Good luck with  everything!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on May 05, 2016, 02:16:45 PM
"Hey guys, you know what this thread is missing?  Pictures of those adorable kids of yours."

(https://scontent-lax3-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t1.0-9/12932937_10100181193534009_1667339324283605231_n.jpg?oh=e593b437a988e10745c7ee6a7aa25540&oe=57A86431)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on May 05, 2016, 05:20:43 PM
/\Puck's illegitimate son?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 05, 2016, 05:37:01 PM
/\Puck's illegitimate son?
We affectionately refer to him as...TheDarkKnight

There's nothing I love more than the taste of cum.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on May 05, 2016, 05:56:29 PM
hahahahahahahahahahahaha

oh my god
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 05, 2016, 06:34:22 PM
My wife got the all clear today and we're finally all home now.

She's going back to work tomorrow but she suggested I stay home with the baby so she doesn't have to chauffeur him around before and after work.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 05, 2016, 06:53:35 PM
Well guys I just drink a gallon of cyanide it was nice knowing you all.....ok it really wasn't goodbye......
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on May 05, 2016, 07:28:42 PM
My wife got the all clear today and we're finally all home now.

She's going back to work tomorrow but she suggested I stay home with the baby so she doesn't have to chauffeur him around before and after work.
Awesome news. Glad to hear she is better.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 05, 2016, 07:29:06 PM
My wife got the all clear today and we're finally all home now.

She's going back to work tomorrow but she suggested I stay home with the baby so she doesn't have to chauffeur him around before and after work.
Awesome.  Glad to hear all is OK.  Now gets back to mock drafting 2017.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on May 05, 2016, 07:38:30 PM
My wife got the all clear today and we're finally all home now.

She's going back to work tomorrow but she suggested I stay home with the baby so she doesn't have to chauffeur him around before and after work.

That's great to hear.  I'm at the point where literally every slight groan my wife makes terrifies me.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on May 05, 2016, 08:08:05 PM
Good news Badge, give her our best wishes.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on May 05, 2016, 08:41:39 PM
/\Puck's illegitimate son?

We affectionately refer to him as...TheDarkKnight

There's nothing I love more than the taste of cum.

Why not both?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on May 05, 2016, 08:42:08 PM
My wife got the all clear today and we're finally all home now.

She's going back to work tomorrow but she suggested I stay home with the baby so she doesn't have to chauffeur him around before and after work.

That's great news.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 05, 2016, 08:50:53 PM
My wife got the all clear today and we're finally all home now.

She's going back to work tomorrow but she suggested I stay home with the baby so she doesn't have to chauffeur him around before and after work.

Cool news bro, I am happy for you, now you can go drinking and whoring again.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on May 06, 2016, 07:59:55 AM
Was never worried.


I mean really.... I didn't care.







JK bro. Glad all is well.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on May 06, 2016, 09:15:32 AM
Glad to hear Badger! I hope this was the last of the stress.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 06, 2016, 09:16:23 AM
Great news, Badge. Hope it's clear sailing for you guys the rest of the way.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on May 31, 2016, 03:55:47 PM
Hey all, just wanted to give a quick update on Baby Cane. ETA is in a few weeks and he's measuring pretty big (like 85th percentile). There was a little scare with an elevated heart rate, but he's been stable for a little bit now so the doctors are happy and he shows no sign of any issues stemming from it.

On a much less important note, I've made another huge pickup for his stock of Hurricane stuff. Thanks to some marginal photoshop skills and a shutterfly gift card, I made this:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/02da4388fff9222cd3980bb1afcc70d3.jpg)

A Hurricanes Alphabet book (note the bonus points by putting the wife as top billing).

Some highlights:

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/2eae41a11d9ef6468176a72de5ec7d21.jpg)
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/e8c5c7c98f4f67e888aaf1cef9e7aec1.jpg)
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/7e9ef60b5727ab858bee1c6555abebde.jpg)
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/b7605f4a0436db12692450fbfbeb719b.jpg)

He could become the biggest FSU fan in the world, but no one will question my hustle sway him towards the U.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on May 31, 2016, 03:56:56 PM
Did you go to Miami?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on May 31, 2016, 04:07:48 PM
Did you go to Miami?

Nope, just a childhood frontrunner that stuck.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on May 31, 2016, 04:36:39 PM

Nope, just a childhood frontrunner that stuck.

Are you from Florida?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on May 31, 2016, 04:44:51 PM
Are you from Florida?
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/5bc138e4e4ca9dc1789733d02a14fd5b.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on May 31, 2016, 04:46:39 PM

(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160531/5bc138e4e4ca9dc1789733d02a14fd5b.jpg)

Well, glad to hear Cane Jr is doing well in there.

How did you get so into the U? I always found it odd that people not from the state the school plays, or who didn't attend, become such diehard fans.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on May 31, 2016, 05:24:24 PM
Nope, just a childhood frontrunner that stuck.

I didn't know the back story.  Now I can't talk housing prices in Coral Gables with you.

Hopefully your kiddo emulates and doesn't rebel and start rooting for the gators. That would be bad.



Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on May 31, 2016, 05:51:05 PM
Well, glad to hear Cane Jr is doing well in there.

How did you get so into the U? I always found it odd that people not from the state the school plays, or who didn't attend, become such diehard fans.
I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of it has to do with what it was like to grow up as a college football fan in New Jersey. I grew up 15 minutes from Rutgers Stadium, but it wasn't even a consideration to be an RU fan in the mid to late nineties. They were such a joke that it really wasn't an option; so, if you wanted to watch CFB, you would generally pick one of the schools that were always on TV, such as Notre Dame, Penn State, or one of the Florida schools.

I picked Miami because they had a coolness about them and I would see them whooping on people (read: Rutgers) on TV. From that point, my love of CFB as a whole intensified my fandom.

Now, I'm also passionate about RU as an alum because I was in school during the turnaround in the kid to late 00s (and baby has plenty of Rutgers stuff too), but Miami still has that childhood hook in me.

Sorry for the sociology essay, but I've always been interested in the loyalties of CFB fans in NJ. Nj is so hard to recruit for Rutgers because none of the fathers/families grew up as Rutgers fans.   
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on May 31, 2016, 05:57:33 PM

I can't speak for everyone, but a lot of it has to do with what it was like to grow up as a college football fan in New Jersey. I grew up 15 minutes from Rutgers Stadium, but it wasn't even a consideration to be an RU fan in the mid to late nineties. They were such a joke that it really wasn't an option; so, if you wanted to watch CFB, you would generally pick one of the schools that were always on TV, such as Notre Dame, Penn State, or one of the Florida schools.

I picked Miami because they had a coolness about them and I would see them whooping on people (read: Rutgers) on TV. From that point, my love of CFB as a whole intensified my fandom.

Now, I'm also passionate about RU as an alum because I was in school during the turnaround in the kid to late 00s (and baby has plenty of Rutgers stuff too), but Miami still has that childhood hook in me.

Sorry for the sociology essay, but I've always been interested in the loyalties of CFB fans in NJ. Nj is so hard to recruit for Rutgers because none of the fathers/families grew up as Rutgers fans.

Ah, makes sense. Thanks.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 31, 2016, 06:06:06 PM
Congrats Cane!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on May 31, 2016, 10:56:09 PM
good to hear man. how is your wife? mine was miserable the last month of our second kid, pre-natal diabetes or whatever, and it was a record humid june. the first tho, she was cool as a cucumber. weirddddd



on another note, im dad of the year. bray has a field trip thursday to the zoo i volunteered to go on. i forgot to put it in my book, planned a bunch of excrement at work i cant move now, and thus cant go on the trip. so my wife is filling my spot, but cant bring the baby cause shes going on the bus. so i've gotta pay for a babysitter for the day and buy a new  pack-n-play cause eli is a monster. this field trip cost me $160 bucks and a day out with my kid. plus another $250 bucks for a day out(jays game, lego world, aquarium, train tickets, food, souvenirs) with just me and bray to make up. dont do that.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on June 01, 2016, 04:45:06 AM
good to hear man. how is your wife? mine was miserable the last month of our second kid, pre-natal diabetes or whatever, and it was a record humid june. the first tho, she was cool as a cucumber. weirddddd



on another note, im dad of the year. bray has a field trip thursday to the zoo i volunteered to go on. i forgot to put it in my book, planned a bunch of excrement at work i cant move now, and thus cant go on the trip. so my wife is filling my spot, but cant bring the baby cause shes going on the bus. so i've gotta pay for a babysitter for the day and buy a new  pack-n-play cause eli is a monster. this field trip cost me $160 bucks and a day out with my kid. plus another $250 bucks for a day out(jays game, lego world, aquarium, train tickets, food, souvenirs) with just me and bray to make up. dont do that.
The latter part sucks, man. It happens to everyone once in a while though, and I'm sure your son will only remember the day he spends with you after its all said and done.

As for my wife, she's doing ok, but I can tell she's just about ready to go, especially now that it's getting hotter. The fact that she can see the end of the road makes it a bit easier mentally as it gets tougher physically.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on June 01, 2016, 05:27:05 AM
For not planning on it I did get lucky to get past the goalie in June last year if it had to happen. We were turning the heat down to 55 at night all winter and she was still miserable most of the time. Would not want to see what it would have been like at 8 months and with high temps and humidity.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on June 01, 2016, 05:48:29 AM
For not planning on it I did get lucky to get past the goalie in June last year if it had to happen. We were turning the heat down to 55 at night all winter and she was still miserable most of the time. Would not want to see what it would have been like at 8 months and with high temps and humidity.

Can confirm, this sucks.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on June 01, 2016, 08:46:12 AM
Hey all, just wanted to give a quick update on Baby Cane. ETA is in a few weeks and he's measuring pretty big (like 85th percentile). There was a little scare with an elevated heart rate, but he's been stable for a little bit now so the doctors are happy and he shows no sign of any issues stemming from it.
Just hang in there, in no time you'll be a Dad, then the real fun begins. Good luck.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on June 06, 2016, 10:33:22 AM
http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com/

I'm sure some of you have seen this.  This gives you a way to get your kid to sleep and listen to some decent jams at the same time. There's some not-so-good music mixed in here too but they are plenty of good ones like AC/DC, Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, Van Halen, and even some Muse for Johnny English.

Nothing says go to sleep like Black Sabbath.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on June 06, 2016, 10:40:49 AM
(http://imageshack.com/a/img922/3696/Vysiry.jpg)
As read by Samuel L Jackson
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on June 06, 2016, 11:16:22 AM
http://www.rockabyebabymusic.com/

I'm sure some of you have seen this.  This gives you a way to get your kid to sleep and listen to some decent jams at the same time. There's some not-so-good music mixed in here too but they are plenty of good ones like AC/DC, Aerosmith, Pearl Jam, Van Halen, and even some Muse for Johnny English.

Nothing says go to sleep like Black Sabbath.

My wife has that for the car. Never listened to it.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on June 07, 2016, 06:51:36 PM
I've got 3 of these baby nursery things. The early November, the starting line, and I think Andrew McMahon.

We've never played them

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Cane on July 03, 2016, 04:27:54 AM
Most important update from me:

Baby boy born June 11, now three weeks into babying. He's healthy and my wife is doing great.

When he had his elevated heart rate we were in the hospital for 13 days at around 32 weeks, then one day it just corrected itself. The doctors say there are no signs of issues at all since birth and there shouldn't be in the future.

What I've leaned so far is that changing diapers really isn't as bad as I expected, babies make a lot of concerning noises (most of which mean nothing), and my job is basically to keep him from hurting himself. My wife is a pediatric/former nicu nurse so she is a stud with most of this stuff, making my adjustment a lot easier.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words/support during the pregnancy; as I think guinness said, now the fun really has started.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Jumbo on July 03, 2016, 04:44:00 AM
Most important update from me:

Baby boy born June 11, now three weeks into babying. He's healthy and my wife is doing great.

When he had his elevated heart rate we were in the hospital for 13 days at around 32 weeks, then one day it just corrected itself. The doctors say there are no signs of issues at all since birth and there shouldn't be in the future.

What I've leaned so far is that changing diapers really isn't as bad as I expected, babies make a lot of concerning noises (most of which mean nothing), and my job is basically to keep him from hurting himself. My wife is a pediatric/former nicu nurse so she is a stud with most of this stuff, making my adjustment a lot easier.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words/support during the pregnancy; as I think guinness said, now the fun really has started.

Congrats on the babby, babby
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 03, 2016, 07:18:06 AM
How does anyone who doesn't make 100k a year afford childcare?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 03, 2016, 07:20:59 AM
How does anyone who doesn't make 100k a year afford childcare?
I've got 2 in childcare right now.  My 4 year old had the nerve to ask me why I work so much.  I wanted to tell him to get a freaking job.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on July 03, 2016, 08:20:59 AM
Most important update from me:

Baby boy born June 11, now three weeks into babying. He's healthy and my wife is doing great.

When he had his elevated heart rate we were in the hospital for 13 days at around 32 weeks, then one day it just corrected itself. The doctors say there are no signs of issues at all since birth and there shouldn't be in the future.

What I've leaned so far is that changing diapers really isn't as bad as I expected, babies make a lot of concerning noises (most of which mean nothing), and my job is basically to keep him from hurting himself. My wife is a pediatric/former nicu nurse so she is a stud with most of this stuff, making my adjustment a lot easier.

Thanks to everyone for the kind words/support during the pregnancy; as I think guinness said, now the fun really has started.

Way to go Cane! Hope he enjoys the sports onesies you got him
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on July 03, 2016, 09:11:10 AM
I've got 2 in childcare right now.  My 4 year old had the nerve to ask me why I work so much.  I wanted to tell him to get a freaking job.

Hahahahaha

Day care is freaking expensive.

Congrats to Cane and mrs Cane. Just give it time on the diapers. Once they start eating real food, those diapers get a lot more shittier and smellier.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 03, 2016, 09:26:14 AM
Diapers still aren't bad when it's yours. I was thinking it would get worse and even though they have its still not a big deal.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 03, 2016, 09:40:11 AM
I hate when they look at you and laugh as you have to change their derriere explosion.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on July 03, 2016, 10:36:36 AM
Diapers still aren't bad when it's yours. I was thinking it would get worse and even though they have its still not a big deal.
Is yours eating "real" food yet?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 03, 2016, 01:48:30 PM
Is yours eating "real" food yet?

Yeah, it's way more gross but I pictured myself gagging and excrement. I just breathe through my mouth and don't look at it too much.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on July 03, 2016, 04:11:27 PM
How does anyone who doesn't make 100k a year afford childcare?

No clue.  We make very good money and STILL I feel like I wouldn't be able to afford childcare.  We never had to, though.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 03, 2016, 04:55:16 PM
No clue.  We make very good money and STILL I feel like I wouldn't be able to afford childcare.  We never had to, though.

Sadly we do or will in the near future. Not to be a Debbie downer in here but I just found out I'm getting laid off at the start of August and we had just worked out a plan where we wouldn't need much if any care. The chances of me getting a job with a similar schedule are slim to none so I get to try to find a new job and then pray we find a way to make childcare work.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on July 03, 2016, 05:21:19 PM
Sadly we do or will in the near future. Not to be a Debbie downer in here but I just found out I'm getting laid off at the start of August and we had just worked out a plan where we wouldn't need much if any care. The chances of me getting a job with a similar schedule are slim to none so I get to try to find a new job and then pray we find a way to make childcare work.

Sorry to hear that man, that freaking sucks. Fingers crossed it works out for you.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on July 03, 2016, 07:42:44 PM
Sadly we do or will in the near future. Not to be a Debbie downer in here but I just found out I'm getting laid off at the start of August and we had just worked out a plan where we wouldn't need much if any care. The chances of me getting a job with a similar schedule are slim to none so I get to try to find a new job and then pray we find a way to make childcare work.

freak that.  It's hard enough to raise a kid without having to worry about having a job.  What schedule are you looking for and what job?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 03, 2016, 11:26:21 PM
I have been working a compressed schedule 12 hour days 3 one week 4 the other. Probably not going to get that. Luckily we have my family close by and they are able to help out money wise at the moment. We are also going to move in with my mom when our lease is up at the end of September so things could be worse. Unfortunately or not depending on how you look at it all the grandparents are to young to be anywhere near retirement and the great grandparents are just getting a bit to old to be of much help on a regular basis.

The job I work is to rare to get me anything similar anywhere else. I have been working in a semiconductor plant basically stocking, shipping and receiving chemicals and changing out the drums when they go empty.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on July 04, 2016, 06:45:42 AM
I have been working a compressed schedule 12 hour days 3 one week 4 the other. Probably not going to get that. Luckily we have my family close by and they are able to help out money wise at the moment. We are also going to move in with my mom when our lease is up at the end of September so things could be worse. Unfortunately or not depending on how you look at it all the grandparents are to young to be anywhere near retirement and the great grandparents are just getting a bit to old to be of much help on a regular basis.

The job I work is to rare to get me anything similar anywhere else. I have been working in a semiconductor plant basically stocking, shipping and receiving chemicals and changing out the drums when they go empty.
I thought you went the I.T. route.

Good luck, i hope your fortunes change for the better, dude.

There's nothing I love more than the taste of cum.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 04, 2016, 08:42:58 AM
I thought you went the I.T. route.

Good luck, i hope your fortunes change for the better, dude.

There's nothing I love more than the taste of cum.



I should have if I knew the future. I decided to do that instead of going to get certs and starting at the bottom. Should have  just sucked it up back then and lived at home for awhile longer until I got into something with decent pay.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on July 05, 2016, 11:41:21 AM
Sorry to hear all that ukk.

Congrats Cane!

Child care is ridiculous. My wife and I have worked opposite shifts for the past 15+ years so that one of us has always been with our children.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 11, 2016, 11:40:39 PM
It's happening tonight. Six days earlier than scheduled. Should be fine.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on July 12, 2016, 12:01:40 AM

It's happening tonight. Six days earlier than scheduled. Should be fine.

What's happening?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 12, 2016, 12:17:17 AM
What's happening?

I'm wearing scrubs and waiting to be allowed into the OR.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on July 12, 2016, 01:24:12 AM
Congrats to you, Mrs Badger, and baby Porsche.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 12, 2016, 06:23:35 AM
Hope all goes well, good luck to you and baby Andre 2000
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on July 12, 2016, 08:04:13 AM
Congrats to Mr and Mrs Badger, and welcome to little L'Carpetron.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Tommy on July 12, 2016, 09:11:10 AM
Congrats, and welcome to the world little Laundria!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 12, 2016, 09:19:52 AM
congrats on the mini buddy
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on July 12, 2016, 10:45:49 AM
Congrats on the next Stanner Badge!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on July 12, 2016, 05:18:56 PM
Good luck Badger to you the wife and Baby Rutabaga.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Pope on July 12, 2016, 05:50:16 PM
Hope your baby is gay/lesbian. Good luck
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on July 12, 2016, 08:45:25 PM
grats buddy
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 12, 2016, 09:34:30 PM
TL;DR Baby girl and mom are OK, they'll be coming home on Friday. My son was bounced around between different family members who managed to keep him alive, thankfully I'm home with him tonight.

Long version:

The c-section was scheduled for next Monday. Yesterday morning my wife fell down at work. Kind of a freak thing, she just lost her balance because of her swollen feet. She didn't land on her belly but banged up her shoulder/arm. She had an ultrasound checkup appt with her doctor set for the afternoon, but when she called him to tell him what happened, he told her to just go to the hospital to have them check it out.

She picked me up from work in the afternoon and we went straight there. They said standard practice in this situation is to keep her and the baby on the monitor for four hours. They noticed that she was having some contractions. It wasn't anything dramatic but it was enough for them to start weighing different options.

The hospital contacted our doctor and they decided to go ahead and do the c-section that night. The rationale was that she was already scheduled to have it in only six days, she was already considered full term at 38 weeks, and they didn't want to send her home just in case the contractions turned out to be more than nothing.

So they did the procedure at 1 AM, everything went smoothly. I was up for 24 hours straight before managing to steal an hour nap this morning.

The baby is fine, everything seems great. I'm happy to be home with my son but it was hard to leave my wife and the baby at the hospital.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on July 12, 2016, 09:44:29 PM
Sorry to hear that happened man. Christ. Glad to hear everyone is good though. Grab some sleep. Congratulations.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on July 12, 2016, 09:59:25 PM
Congratulations dude. That was scary to read but glad everything worked out OK.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 12, 2016, 10:15:42 PM
Congrats.  Get some sleep man.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on July 12, 2016, 11:11:27 PM
oh man thats intense, glad it worked out well.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on July 13, 2016, 05:35:24 AM
It was less scary because you lead with the ending.

Good work Badge. Get as much sleep as possible. Let us know when you name the rascal
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 13, 2016, 05:43:29 AM
The Badgerette and Badgeritos have been through some crazy stuff so far.

Glad everything is okay buddy.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 13, 2016, 07:45:40 AM
It was less scary because you lead with the ending.

Good work Badge. Get as much sleep as possible. Let us know when you name the rascal

I named her.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on July 13, 2016, 08:13:51 AM
I named her.

La'Badger was a bold choice, but it sets her up well for her career as a rapper.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on July 13, 2016, 10:19:59 AM
La'Badger was a bold choice, but it sets her up well for her career as a rapper.

It helps that it's pronounced La Bah-ZHAY.  It sounds French and fancy like.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on July 13, 2016, 11:00:55 AM
It helps that it's pronounced La Bah-ZHAY.  It sounds French and fancy like.

with a name like that, she won't have to shave her armpits.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 13, 2016, 12:00:40 PM
with a name like that, she won't have to shave her armpits.
She's gonna Occupy something or another with that name.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 13, 2016, 12:39:26 PM
She's gonna Occupy something or another with that name.

Wall Street?

Or Eastern Europe?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on July 13, 2016, 01:28:49 PM
Next person to have a kid needs to name it geno. I named my kid Braylon and the next year he was gone. Take one for the team

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 13, 2016, 01:31:14 PM
Next person to have a kid needs to name it geno. I named my kid Braylon and the next year he was gone. Take one for the team

Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk



is ItalianSeafood still in breeding condition?

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on July 13, 2016, 01:34:48 PM
is ItalianSeafood still in breeding condition?



Are you volunteering to freak him?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on July 13, 2016, 01:41:00 PM
Are you volunteering to freak him?

POTW
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on July 13, 2016, 01:42:48 PM
Are you volunteering to freak him?

lmao
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 13, 2016, 01:45:32 PM
Are you volunteering to freak him?

Earring too saggy on the left side.  Would not bang.

3.2/10
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 13, 2016, 02:22:37 PM
Are you volunteering to freak him?

I know interracial porn is right up your alley.



Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 13, 2016, 02:24:58 PM
POTW

It's not bad. But harder to tell when MB is crony laughing

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on July 13, 2016, 02:31:40 PM
I know interracial porn is right up your alley.





*crickets*
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on July 13, 2016, 04:36:25 PM
Are you volunteering to freak him?

Mambo 



5 honks
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 13, 2016, 09:06:36 PM
Would a video of JFIF prungling count as interracial porn?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on July 15, 2016, 08:07:01 AM
Obviously belated, but congrats Badger! Glad to hear everything went okay and everyone is well.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 18, 2016, 12:31:05 PM
I'm glad I took three weeks off for this. Since my wife and the baby didn't come home until Friday, two weeks would have only given me one week at home with everyone.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 18, 2016, 12:32:12 PM
Two kids. you good for a bit?

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on July 18, 2016, 12:55:12 PM
I'm glad I took three weeks off for this. Since my wife and the baby didn't come home until Friday, two weeks would have only given me one week at home with everyone.

It's a bit political a discussion, but family leave should be a bigger issue in this country. We lag behind everyone in giving time off to new parents and it's terrible.

I get that there are people who'd never benefit because they never have kids, but we don't deny chemo to lung cancer patients simply because not all of us smoke.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 18, 2016, 12:59:22 PM
Two kids. you good for a bit?

Yes. Maybe done altogether.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 18, 2016, 01:00:38 PM
It's a bit political a discussion, but family leave should be a bigger issue in this country. We lag behind everyone in giving time off to new parents and it's terrible.

I get that there are people who'd never benefit because they never have kids, but we don't deny chemo to lung cancer patients simply because not all of us smoke.

Thankfully I'm only using up my credit time and sick leave, not touching any vacation time.

It would be nice for my wife though, who will be off until September.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on July 18, 2016, 01:11:45 PM
It's a bit political a discussion, but family leave should be a bigger issue in this country. We lag behind everyone in giving time off to new parents and it's terrible.

I get that there are people who'd never benefit because they never have kids, but we don't deny chemo to lung cancer patients simply because not all of us smoke.

Speaking as a non-parent, I listen to people squealing about how parental leave is so unfair on them and want to punch them in the nose. It's the height of small minded entitlement, crying and whining about how someone else is getting something that you're not. A civilised and functioning society provides its individual members with what they need in order to be happy and safe and productive, and those needs are different for each of us. If you're not a parent you don't need parental leave, if you are then you do.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on July 18, 2016, 01:58:16 PM
Speaking as a non-parent, I listen to people squealing about how parental leave is so unfair on them and want to punch them in the nose. It's the height of small minded entitlement, crying and whining about how someone else is getting something that you're not. A civilised and functioning society provides its individual members with what they need in order to be happy and safe and productive, and those needs are different for each of us. If you're not a parent you don't need parental leave, if you are then you do.

Obviously you've heard the argument, so you know how utterly alien the concept is to the vast majority of non-parents. I agree with you. It's terribly small minded. Obviously it's not the same magnitude as my chemo example, but I think the example is reasonable.

Paid family leave (not just for parents but for caretakers of sick family members) is an embarrassment in the US. It's one thing I was 100% behind Bernie pushing for.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: JFIF on July 18, 2016, 01:59:18 PM
Yes. Maybe done altogether.

you got a boy and a girl. it's a  pretty legit place to be.

Although accidents and brain chemistry can happen down the road, and you get the third.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on July 18, 2016, 02:04:41 PM
Yes. Maybe done altogether.

I was good with having 2 when my son was born, and since my wife couldn't have any more for her own health's sake.  Lately we've been wishing we could have had more, but that's just because they are older now.  I know your wife comes from a big family, so I don't know her thoughts.  It's crazy expensive to have more.  I dropped 2 grand on 3 weeks of soccer camp between the two of them not to mention all of the other excrement we do.  I can't imagine paying into a 3rd college fund either.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on July 18, 2016, 02:08:34 PM
Speaking as a non-parent, I listen to people squealing about how parental leave is so unfair on them and want to punch them in the nose. It's the height of small minded entitlement, crying and whining about how someone else is getting something that you're not. A civilised and functioning society provides its individual members with what they need in order to be happy and safe and productive, and those needs are different for each of us. If you're not a parent you don't need parental leave, if you are then you do.

The best is that episode of The Office when Jim takes extra time off as bonus paternity leave and everyone has to cover for him thinking he's on a business trip.  They're pissed until Pam brings the kids into the office and realize it's no vacation.  Those first several weeks are rough.  Paternity and Maternity leave aren't a vacation, which people without kids don't always fully realize.  It's providing what's best for the baby, not necessarily for the parents.  The bonding is huge, but a lot of it is just necessity.  We were fortunate to have our first kid when my wife was on summer break and I was still writing and didn't have to leave.  With my son, it was Christmas break and then my wife had a full month off and took additional time.  Everyone should be able to do that.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on July 18, 2016, 03:45:08 PM
Speaking as a non-parent, I listen to people squealing about how parental leave is so unfair on them and want to punch them in the nose. It's the height of small minded entitlement, crying and whining about how someone else is getting something that you're not. A civilised and functioning society provides its individual members with what they need in order to be happy and safe and productive, and those needs are different for each of us. If you're not a parent you don't need parental leave, if you are then you do.

Hey look I can agree with you on certain things.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on July 18, 2016, 03:46:07 PM
Yes. Maybe done altogether.

Maybe? you have the son to drive you nuts and a daughter that will make you worry to death. It's perfect.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on July 18, 2016, 08:55:38 PM
Speaking as a non-parent, I listen to people squealing about how parental leave is so unfair on them and want to punch them in the nose. It's the height of small minded entitlement, crying and whining about how someone else is getting something that you're not. A civilised and functioning society provides its individual members with what they need in order to be happy and safe and productive, and those needs are different for each of us. If you're not a parent you don't need parental leave, if you are then you do.
*starts a slow clap*

You know, I was denied fmla when my second daughter needed open heart surgery. I was stunned. I re-applied and got it the second time but I was flabbergasted it wasn't just given to me originally.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 19, 2016, 10:42:35 AM
I still can't believe that we were one of the luckier couples in the u.s. in that my gf got 3.5 months off to stay with our daughter. I'm actually starting to be pretty glad I ended up being forced to switch to night shift because we can be with her almost the whole week and the gaps we have can be covered by grandparents. Even if we could afford a top notch infant care facility it can't compare to having a parent or grandparent with them when they are so small and vulnerable. 
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on July 19, 2016, 07:37:43 PM
its great up here, my woman is just finishing up her year of paid maternity leave, we get the child care benefit, which is (now) up to $1100 tax free dollars every month. shes going to be off paid mat leave until september, when she goes to school fulltime on a government issued, low(ish) interest rate loan while the kids are in public school and the youngest in our locally subsidized daycare, which cost us $30 a month for 7am-6pm m-f daycare at a fully accredited and regionally honored facility.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on July 19, 2016, 08:12:00 PM
Haha wow. For a decent place we would be looking at 6-800 a month easy.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on July 19, 2016, 08:45:02 PM
Haha wow. For a decent place we would be looking at 6-800 a month easy.

Yeah but we don't have guns or freedom and we're all socialists so you win.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on August 04, 2016, 01:43:24 PM
My step mom bought my daughter a jets Jersey. Geno Smith was the only one whatever store she was in had. Not the best start to her jets fandom.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Ignatius J Reilly on August 04, 2016, 02:55:39 PM
My step mom bought my daughter a jets Jersey. Geno Smith was the only one whatever store she was in had. Not the best start to her jets fandom.

Unless you named her Braylon, it could be worse.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on August 21, 2016, 08:38:13 AM
(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160821/774800fea55f341d17898c1e3954665f.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on November 01, 2016, 09:16:46 PM
www.reddit.com/r/holdmyjuicebox
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on December 15, 2016, 06:58:45 PM
Our nickname for our daughter is Rocket Girl because of the perpetual stream of farts she has. It's like she's trying to launch herself. I recently realized this will make an excellent name & backstory combo for her teen years.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on December 15, 2016, 07:24:49 PM
my womans best friend was convinced eli had celiac disease because he was/is a gas machine. my lady actually brought him in and got test done or some excrement to proove hes ok and just farts alot.

women...
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: ukilledkenny on December 15, 2016, 07:26:54 PM
Mine also farts like crazy. They stink really bad too. At least once a day one of us goes to change her cause she stinks and there is nothing in the diaper.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on August 30, 2018, 02:17:25 PM
My son is starting 3K next week.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on August 30, 2018, 02:46:41 PM
My son is starting 3K next week.
3rd grade, or Kindergarten?

My youngest is starting 6th grade. #oldfart
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on August 30, 2018, 02:50:21 PM
3rd grade, or Kindergarten?

My youngest is starting 6th grade. #oldfart


3K is about 2 miles.  That's a pretty good distance for a preschooler.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on August 30, 2018, 03:27:44 PM
my oldest is headed into 2nd grade, youngest is still 1 year from jk.

kids are expensive yoooo
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on August 30, 2018, 08:27:30 PM
3rd grade, or Kindergarten?

My youngest is starting 6th grade. #oldfart
3K is universal pre-k for 3 year-olds.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on August 31, 2018, 12:48:30 PM
3K is universal pre-k for 3 year-olds.

that sounds private
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on September 06, 2018, 09:26:08 PM
My son has an alarming number of Aidens in his class.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on September 06, 2018, 09:30:45 PM
My son has an alarming number of Aidens in his class.
This website has an alarming number of AIDS.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 17, 2019, 04:33:58 PM
My daughter excrement in another fan at my in-law's apartment
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on July 17, 2019, 05:40:14 PM
My daughter excrement in another fan at my in-law's apartment

She what
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on July 17, 2019, 09:04:03 PM
Another?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on July 17, 2019, 10:23:46 PM
Wow the excrement must have hit the fan, amirite?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 21, 2019, 09:38:37 PM
She pooped and then smeared the poop into the frame of the fan.

I'm dropping off their new new fan tomorrow morning.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 06, 2019, 06:59:40 PM
 (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191006/03f5224f333f0d1b17c0bbb7442ad412.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 01, 2020, 12:49:10 PM
https://twitter.com/beefedupstud/status/1255926255922434055?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: guinness77 on May 01, 2020, 01:42:33 PM
https://twitter.com/beefedupstud/status/1255926255922434055?s=21

He posted a follow up video claiming it was “a skit.” I don’t believe that excrement at all. 
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 01, 2020, 06:40:02 PM
There's no way a kid with an entire nerf gun wall isn't a little excrement, good job mom and dad
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on May 01, 2020, 06:58:19 PM
There's no way a kid with an entire nerf gun wall isn't a little excrement, good job mom and dad

Future school shooter
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on May 02, 2020, 11:34:44 PM
edit: was too lame to post
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 03, 2020, 12:28:41 PM
edit: was too lame to post

Geez have you read Bojanglesman or MBGreen recently, make the post.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 08, 2020, 02:21:19 PM
https://twitter.com/cokedoutvagina/status/1258582902830436352?s=21

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 15, 2020, 08:00:13 AM
I got this chick pregnant (my wife) and now my first born son is on the way, coming this November
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 15, 2020, 08:00:29 AM
No hornet
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 15, 2020, 08:30:22 AM
Congrats on baby Mekhi Kerona Ficken!
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20200515/01e74967cb0933f924d189f17c8d200d.gif)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on May 15, 2020, 08:40:32 AM
D'Mekhibrishaw
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 15, 2020, 09:32:08 AM
La'Mekhiniga Manncamdenzashall Morgan
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on May 15, 2020, 09:33:05 AM
Coached a kid named Mocktavious and he just named his son Mocktavion

A culture in decline...
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 15, 2020, 09:37:52 AM
Coached a kid named Mocktavious and he just named his son Mocktavion

A culture in decline...

Mock-ToughShop-tavion
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on May 15, 2020, 09:38:42 AM
Mock-ToughShop-tavion

If he has a daughter:  Toughshopia
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on May 15, 2020, 09:39:49 AM
He called me to tell me he had a son.

Mocktavious:  "Hey, Co Z!  Had me a son!  Mocktavion"

Me:  "Mocktavi-what?"
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 15, 2020, 09:39:49 AM
I got this chick pregnant (my wife) and now my first born son is on the way, coming this November

DJ Gooch [insert SFD last name]
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 15, 2020, 09:40:54 AM
He called me to tell me he had a son.

Mocktavious:  "Hey, Co Z!  Had me a son!  Mocktavion"

Me:  "Mocktavi-what?"

These types of conversations never happen north of the wall.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on May 15, 2020, 09:42:12 AM
These types of conversations never happen north of the wall.

Because north of the wall, fathers name their sons "Little Feather Footed Beta Cuck"
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 15, 2020, 09:44:28 AM
These types of conversations never happen north of the wall.
We had a son: Aboot-eeyy.  Hopefully he survives the oatbreak.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 15, 2020, 09:47:04 AM
Because north of the wall, fathers name their sons "Little Feather Footed Beta Cuck"

I see you've been here before.....
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 15, 2020, 10:09:22 AM
He called me to tell me he had a son.

Mocktavious:  "Hey, Co Z!  Had me a son!  Mocktavion"

Me:  "Mocktavi-what?"

Sounds like a Pokémon evolution chain
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 15, 2020, 10:20:46 AM
Congratulations, if it's a son, I hope he grows a man-bun.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 15, 2020, 10:36:13 AM
Congratulations, if it's a son, I hope he grows a man-bun.
Does he like sausage yet?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on May 15, 2020, 11:11:09 AM
congrats sfd!

dont freaking listen to her when she wants a second.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 15, 2020, 01:33:47 PM
Disregard IATA, have another ASAP it's great
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on May 15, 2020, 01:36:18 PM
Disregard IATA, have another ASAP it's great

Don't even wait for her to be stitched up.....just giver.
Title: How to Dad
Post by: Pope on May 16, 2020, 12:26:45 AM
Congrats
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on May 16, 2020, 12:44:13 PM
I got this chick pregnant (my wife) and now my first born son is on the way, coming this November
Congrats SFD.  Rince & repeat.  : )
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Gorilla on May 16, 2020, 02:59:46 PM
I got this chick pregnant (my wife) and now my first born son is on the way, coming this November

Yooo, I just saw this this, congrats!!
We had our our first kid (also a son, because my sperm are LEGIT) in February.  His name? You guessed it: Covidious.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 16, 2020, 03:27:29 PM
Name: BDD.  Big Dick Deep.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 16, 2020, 05:43:21 PM
Name: BDD.  Big Dick Deep.

One of thise things was true.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: klaximilian on May 16, 2020, 06:01:15 PM
Congrats man! Its equally as difficult as it is amazing.

Sleep now while you can.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on May 19, 2020, 08:29:44 PM
I got this chick pregnant (my wife) and now my first born son is on the way, coming this November

Oh excrement! Just saw this. Welcome to the club!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on May 19, 2020, 08:30:10 PM
Yooo, I just saw this this, congrats!!
We had our our first kid (also a son, because my sperm are LEGIT) in February.  His name? You guessed it: Covidious.

Hey, you too! Congrats!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 20, 2020, 02:07:52 PM
Thanks guys. Congrats to Gorilla too. Is the name Harambe still open?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 20, 2020, 02:09:00 PM
Also, how do you Dad?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 20, 2020, 02:28:31 PM
Also, how do you Dad?
Security cameras, beer, yelling, Goldfish, TV.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 20, 2020, 02:36:02 PM
Security cameras, beer, yelling, Goldfish, TV.
We bought these giant sacks of goldfish crackers and suddenly my kids aren't into them anymore.

More for me.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on May 21, 2020, 11:58:02 AM
Also, how do you Dad?

Start practicing the phrase "Go ask your mother"
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 21, 2020, 01:47:56 PM
Start practicing the phrase "Go ask your mother"
I've mastered this, my kids will walk right past me to bother my wife and it vexes her
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Miamipuck on May 21, 2020, 02:02:32 PM
I've mastered this, my kids will walk right past me to bother my wife and it vexes her

Who said youth is wasted on the young.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 23, 2020, 03:55:18 PM
Just do better than this guy

https://www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/

Quote
If day cares closed because of the novel coronavirus, Aimee Rae Hannaford expected her family to fare better than most. She worked full time as the chief executive of a tech company while her husband stayed home. He’d been taking some time off from his own tech career, managing a rental property while considering his options. He could look after their 3-year-old son, she thought — at least for a while.

“That lasted a grand total of three days,” Hannaford said.

Imagine dissolving your own company because your unemployed spouse can't manage ONE child on their own during the day
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 23, 2020, 04:22:01 PM
Just do better than this guy

https://www.thelily.com/i-had-to-choose-being-a-mother-with-no-child-care-or-summer-camps-women-are-being-edged-out-of-the-workforce/

Imagine dissolving your own company because your unemployed spouse can't manage ONE child on their own during the day
I'm father of the year.  Let me show my wife this.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on June 24, 2020, 06:46:51 PM
https://twitter.com/ojozdegata_/status/1275642605397835776?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on July 22, 2020, 08:42:55 PM
https://twitter.com/trevwall/status/1286103660020355072?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on September 13, 2020, 07:20:47 AM
https://twitter.com/mattpostsayshi/status/1304880924929200130?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on September 27, 2020, 09:06:55 AM
https://twitter.com/teez3_/status/1309725485723717637?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on September 27, 2020, 01:58:50 PM
he wasnt the baby daddy and he made a hit record.
big ballin
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on September 28, 2020, 09:15:40 AM
https://twitter.com/barstoolsports/status/1310576581602095106?s=21

“Look, the Jets are going for 0-11! Can’t wait to root for future tanks with you!”
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on October 12, 2020, 09:46:53 PM
https://twitter.com/chuntichino__/status/1315758965096030208?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on October 13, 2020, 12:38:58 PM
https://twitter.com/culturedruffian/status/1315477139895001088?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 31, 2020, 06:10:13 PM
Hope the other dads of JO have collected a decent parent tax on their kids' candy
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on October 31, 2020, 07:31:22 PM
Hope the other dads of JO have collected a decent parent tax on their kids' candy
10% off the top plus what I steal when they aren't looking.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on October 31, 2020, 07:41:31 PM
Hey folks, freak you for giving out bags of chips.

Cheap assholes.

Sent from fire adam gase.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 31, 2020, 09:36:43 PM
10% off the top plus what I steal when they aren't looking.
I take whatever they don't like, plus whatever seems worst for their teeth... plus what I steal when they aren't looking.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on October 31, 2020, 11:56:16 PM
  Charity begins at home - I rip off the candy the wife has earmarked for the trick-or-treaters beforehand.

   And you kid kandy klepto's beware - those loud cellophane wrappers will give you away.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on November 01, 2020, 09:56:52 AM
dad win - kids are going nuts while i'm working
husband lose - kids are going nuts while i'm working

my wife has somehow decided this is my fault, despite me getting up at 5am with them and letting her sleep till 645 when i had to go.

i got a ton of candy tho, so thats going for me
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on November 01, 2020, 11:12:40 AM


my wife has somehow decided this is my fault,

Getting this tattooed across my shoulders
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on November 19, 2020, 05:11:51 PM

 https://petapixel.com/2017/04/12/dad-photoshops-baby-dangerous-situations-freak-relatives/
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 20, 2020, 03:35:22 PM
The Zodiac cometh

Born Friday, November 20th, 2020 at 11:09 AM

10 lbs, 8 ozs.  22 1/4 inches long.

Momma and baby are happy and healthy. I’m still trying to wrap my head around everything. Thanks to everyone for their support on and off the board over the past 9 months. It’s been a wild ride.

(https://i.ibb.co/vd48hmr/5-A45958-D-5-EA8-49-D9-9-DAA-22-E903-AB938-E.jpg) (https://ibb.co/c8hdwtp)

(https://i.ibb.co/9nJ8kXy/E2878469-37-EA-4-A3-F-9-AA9-4-FA3-ABDFE874.jpg) (https://ibb.co/y0DfcTg)
 (https://usefulwebtool.com/fr/clavier-russe)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on November 20, 2020, 03:44:18 PM
LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOO
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on November 20, 2020, 03:54:49 PM

10 lbs, 8 ozs.  22 1/4 inches long

That's a huge penis.  Congrats on BigDickDeep.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: reuben on November 20, 2020, 04:23:43 PM
SixInchesDeep got the job done

Congrats
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on November 20, 2020, 04:54:41 PM
  Wow-well done lad!  Prayers the little brute inherits mom's good looks.  Seriously SFD, best to you, mom, and Waldo.  : )

  (https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/4/4d/Four_cigars.jpg/320px-Four_cigars.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on November 20, 2020, 05:02:33 PM
Congrats man! that's phenomenal.

I hear it's the greatest experience ever having a kid.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on November 20, 2020, 06:01:12 PM
Congrats man!

Sent from fire adam gase.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on November 20, 2020, 06:08:34 PM
Congrats, dude.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on November 20, 2020, 07:05:53 PM
Prayers the little brute inherits mom's good looks.

Fingers crossed he has mom's looks and brains and dad's height, other way round he's fucked.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on November 20, 2020, 08:23:33 PM
Baaaaabbbbyyy buuuunnnnnn!!!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: d sw0rdz on November 20, 2020, 10:25:38 PM
wow congrats bro
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 21, 2020, 01:51:46 AM
Thanks everyone

this mf is looking right at me like I know what I’m supposed to do
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Jumbo on November 21, 2020, 02:59:47 AM
Thanks everyone

this mf is looking right at me like I know what I’m supposed to do

Have you tried turning it off and on again?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on November 21, 2020, 07:05:41 AM
Thanks everyone

this mf is looking right at me like I know what I’m supposed to do
Yo, why is he looking at me like that? What's up, little bud? Got a staring problem, pal?(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201121/b1cc8843178fcbf216d1e2a14414b228.gif)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on November 21, 2020, 07:14:08 AM
I just realized this is the most exciting thing that’s happened to us this season.

So thanks for bringing some joy in this mess of a year SFD
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on November 21, 2020, 07:37:20 AM
Get him a baby Santonio jersey.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 21, 2020, 08:14:05 AM
Get him a baby Santonio jersey.

Thanks to an extremely generous donor (Badger), he already has a very sweet Wayne Chrebet jersey. Not sure when he’ll fit into it, but he has to skip newborn clothes and move straight to 0-3 months old, so hopefully pretty soon.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 21, 2020, 08:14:43 AM
Telling him that the Jets went .500 this season
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 21, 2020, 08:17:31 AM
Yo, why is he looking at me like that? What's up, little bud? Got a staring problem, pal?(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20201121/b1cc8843178fcbf216d1e2a14414b228.gif)

This is one of my favorite scenes of all time

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=1nclX3Lwwgg
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 21, 2020, 08:19:34 AM
I just realized this is the most exciting thing that’s happened to us this season.

So thanks for bringing some joy in this mess of a year SFD

Appreciate that brotha
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on November 21, 2020, 08:23:54 AM
I have to see if I still have a baby Revis jersey.  Baby Hawk could be steezing.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 21, 2020, 08:26:03 AM
I have to see if I still have a baby Revis jersey.  Baby Hawk could be steezing.

P sure Badge hooked me up with a Revis too (unless it was a Vilma?)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on November 21, 2020, 03:57:06 PM
P sure Badge hooked me up with a Revis too (unless it was a Vilma?)
It's Revis I think, we brought him back a month after my son was born and the baby sized Revis jerseys were still on clearance that day.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on January 02, 2021, 11:11:00 PM
(https://i.ibb.co/Xpyz0mj/879-A3-DF2-3380-476-D-A1-FE-0-C48-D78-B517-F.jpg) (https://ibb.co/sQ5FxLb)
 (https://imgbb.com/)

When you fire Gase
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on January 03, 2021, 09:28:48 AM
^ #ZodiacSZN
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on January 21, 2021, 10:06:12 AM
The Zodiac is 2 months old already.

89th percentile for weight
99th percentile for length
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on January 21, 2021, 10:09:05 AM
Thanks to an extremely generous donor (Badger), he already has a very sweet Wayne Chrebet jersey. Not sure when he’ll fit into it, but he has to skip newborn clothes and move straight to 0-3 months old, so hopefully pretty soon.

(https://i.ibb.co/Mc2nkP0/438-FE0-C5-FBD5-4-DFC-B57-A-41-D7-BB62845-A.jpg) (https://ibb.co/dPWB4kY)
 (https://nonprofitlight.com/ga/atlanta/dikembe-mutombo-foundation-inc)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on January 21, 2021, 10:09:43 AM
The Zodiac is 2 months old already.

89th percentile for weight
99th percentile for penis length

Nicccce.  The "Anaconda" is thriving.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on January 21, 2021, 10:18:43 AM
The Zodiac is 2 months old already.

89th percentile for weight
99th percentile for length

2 months and you're already posting his Combine class measurables. I admire your commitment.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on February 23, 2021, 10:13:03 AM
How not to dad

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56159731
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on February 23, 2021, 11:32:06 AM
How not to dad

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56159731

How to dead
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: IATA on February 23, 2021, 11:37:57 AM
How not to dad

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-56159731

"The death is the latest in a string of catastrophes to be linked to gender-reveal parties in recent years."


Is blowing yourself up before the party still considered to be part of the party?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on March 01, 2021, 04:47:51 PM
https://twitter.com/215mouss/status/1355350097014501381?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on March 01, 2021, 10:26:19 PM
Zodiac lost a bunch of weight recently, not ideal, but he is committed to his cutting regimen for the combine.

I hate to report that I am that dad that is way too impressed with anything little nothing my kid does. “Omg this is probably the grossest shitty diaper in history!”
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Heismanberg on March 02, 2021, 08:17:26 AM
Zodiac lost a bunch of weight recently, not ideal, but he is committed to his cutting regimen for the combine.

What's his 40?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on March 22, 2021, 11:30:42 AM
https://twitter.com/cbsnews/status/1373967725391921158?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Gorilla on March 22, 2021, 12:33:10 PM
https://twitter.com/cbsnews/status/1373967725391921158?s=21

Degenerate freaking imbeciles continue to have mobile, functioning sperm....news at 11.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on March 27, 2021, 04:03:21 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1375804844175458308?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on March 27, 2021, 06:24:13 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1375804844175458308?s=21

I do thought this was going to end with little dude trying to crush the can. Much more wholesome result this way though
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 04, 2021, 09:23:23 PM
I’ve never claimed to be a good influence

(https://i.ibb.co/q0q5MTW/BD6-ED173-A0-AD-48-E2-B3-D4-0-A4-D35-B219-FD.jpg) (https://ibb.co/hXQfR3Z)
 (https://statewideinventory.org/chevrolet-0-60-times)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 04, 2021, 09:26:33 PM
What's his 40?

He still can’t actually move anywhere

But pretty freaking fast
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on April 04, 2021, 11:43:15 PM
He still can’t actually move anywhere

But pretty freaking fast
Future Walmart Hotdog guy.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 13, 2021, 01:00:16 PM
https://twitter.com/spritept1/status/1381636104194043907?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 16, 2021, 05:20:46 PM
Just taught my boy the courtesy flush so you can excrement your brains out in public without anyone knowing. Proud moment fellas. 

When he's 15 I'll tell him about the Upper Decker.  See, it's all about real life lessons and quality time. 

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 18, 2021, 03:44:55 PM
Today at kindergarten pickup one of the other dads rolled up in a car with multiple logo stickers for the porn site Fake Taxi (other stickers included US Army and "Live Free").
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 19, 2021, 07:23:57 PM
There is a kid in my son's class named Eric Cartman.  I excrement you not.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on May 19, 2021, 09:11:32 PM
There is a kid in my son's class named Eric Cartman.  I excrement you not.


It’s he’s not a fat poopchute, I believe you need to introduce him to his namesake...
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 23, 2021, 07:23:23 PM
The Zodiac is half a year old now. We took him to the beach today, first thing he did was grab a handful of sand and shovel it directly into his mouth. Truly my son.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 23, 2021, 07:39:42 PM
The Zodiac is half a year old now. We took him to the beach today, first thing he did was grab a handful of sand and shovel it directly into his mouth. Truly my son.
Roughage is necessary.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 26, 2021, 02:57:22 PM
Having the vaccine talk with your kids, classically awkward situation

https://v.redd.it/0rpp3cxt2h171
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on May 27, 2021, 08:41:36 AM
Parents neglecting a little kid to brawl + pregnant mom throwing punches combo

https://twitter.com/canth0ldme/status/1397736330096955393?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on May 27, 2021, 09:59:39 AM
Dude in the Betts shirt landed some hammers.

Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on May 27, 2021, 10:05:23 AM
What is wrong with people..... Idiots.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 27, 2021, 10:27:29 AM
Gotta teach baby how to take out the Trashtros
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on June 06, 2021, 12:57:08 PM
https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1401579488064987136?s=19
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: reuben on June 06, 2021, 01:44:36 PM
https://twitter.com/redditships/status/1401579488064987136?s=19

Quote
She's been doing so well with the club that cash has never been a problem, but if she shut down immediately, she'd owe thousands of dollars that she can't repay.

So basically she's running a crypto ponzi scheme on her local church and the priest doesn't appreciate the secondary grift. 
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on June 06, 2021, 03:17:25 PM
So basically she's running a crypto ponzi scheme on her local church and the priest doesn't appreciate the secondary grift. 

Clearly he wants her to cut him in on the action. Bloody kids don't even recognise a nod and a wink these days.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on July 06, 2021, 07:20:35 AM
https://twitter.com/zoo757/status/1411728129190764550?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 06, 2021, 08:03:25 AM
https://twitter.com/zoo757/status/1411728129190764550?s=21
Just another day for the king.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 26, 2021, 01:55:29 PM
Whenever I doubt my ability as a father I just look around for a nice confidence boost like this:

https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/epnq84/im-a-parkland-shooting-survivor-qanon-convinced-my-dad-it-was-all-a-hoax
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on July 26, 2021, 03:28:09 PM
Whenever I doubt my ability as a father I just look around for a nice confidence boost like this:

https://www.vice.com/amp/en/article/epnq84/im-a-parkland-shooting-survivor-qanon-convinced-my-dad-it-was-all-a-hoax
Damn.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on August 10, 2021, 12:53:56 PM
https://v.redd.it/65irps7hpig71
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on August 17, 2021, 01:17:01 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1427620889147891712?s=21

What a freaking beast
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on August 17, 2021, 02:24:42 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1427620889147891712?s=21

What a freaking beast

 Either that or he was rasslin' Jachai Polite   : )
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on August 20, 2021, 06:49:47 PM
Very important question that I must survey the board on:

When you were a kid, did your family have some kind of emergency vomit receptacle in the car? If you have kids now, do you do this?

When I was a kid we always had an empty coffee can in the car in case I or my sisters got carsick on the highway. After an incident with my son a few months ago we started keeping a small bucket between my kids' car seats.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on August 20, 2021, 07:04:43 PM
Very important question that I must survey the board on:

When you were a kid, did your family have some kind of emergency vomit receptacle in the car? If you have kids now, do you do this?

When I was a kid we always had an empty coffee can in the car in case I or my sisters got carsick on the highway. After an incident with my son a few months ago we started keeping a small bucket between my kids' car seats.
No.  I imagine if we had any warning, we all did the scramble drill for a plastic bag.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on September 03, 2021, 12:33:40 PM
https://v.redd.it/q789urh6c8l71
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on November 19, 2021, 09:34:16 PM
So far this school year my kids have both gotten sick once per month. It's gonna be brutal if they keep this up when I'm back in the office.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on November 20, 2021, 09:22:15 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1462062987443937286?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on November 21, 2021, 05:53:24 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1462062987443937286?s=21
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBPWhX6tGws
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: d sw0rdz on November 21, 2021, 07:46:32 PM
https://twitter.com/dudespostingws/status/1462062987443937286?s=21

'turning this car around' was very good
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on January 07, 2022, 01:30:23 PM
https://twitter.com/rasheem21/status/1479492655553908743?s=21
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on January 07, 2022, 04:34:18 PM
https://twitter.com/rasheem21/status/1479492655553908743?s=21
You have no idea man. Just wait until you enter the "child immediately facing consequences of doing the thing you just told them not to do" phase, which I believe begins at 2 and ends never.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on January 07, 2022, 07:38:27 PM
You have no idea man. Just wait until you enter the "child immediately facing consequences of doing the thing you just told them not to do" phase, which I believe begins at 2 and ends never.

It’s already started kinda. He doesn’t 100% get it yet, but he has a death wish and loves doing the opposite of what I tell him. Diving off the couch, climbing the stairs, putting his hand in the dog’s mouth while they’re chewing on a toy, he finds something new every day

He’s freaking 13 months old, chill out man
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on April 04, 2022, 09:04:43 PM
Not really how to dad more like how to mom or how not to mom.

Turns out if mom rolls a fatty there's a good chance she may end up rolling out a fatty   : )

https://www.ctvnews.ca/health/thc-and-cbd-exposure-in-womb-linked-to-childhood-obesity-higher-blood-sugar-study-says-1.5846917
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on May 10, 2022, 08:39:01 PM
Referred to another driver as a jabroni today while driving the kids to get a PCR test. They thought it was the funniest thing.

https://youtu.be/eCV9254WaLQ
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on May 10, 2022, 09:00:33 PM
Referred to another driver as a jabroni today while driving the kids to get a PCR test. They thought it was the funniest thing.

https://youtu.be/eCV9254WaLQ

Next try screaming at the top of your voice that they're a brainless queynte who deserves to die in a fiery wreck with the jerk of an examiner who was drunk enough to give them a license. They'll probably enjoy that too and it's a good introduction for them to what driving is really like.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on June 12, 2022, 10:23:59 PM
Apparently I'm going to become a great-uncle.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on June 13, 2022, 07:02:00 AM
Apparently I'm going to become a great-uncle.

this makes you older than JE going fwd.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on June 14, 2022, 10:14:25 AM
this makes you older than JE going fwd.
I was already JE's stadium dad.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on June 14, 2022, 10:53:38 AM
I was already JE's stadium dad.
This is true, but only because MetLife does not accept identification cards from communist countries.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: reuben on June 21, 2022, 10:22:05 AM
Happy Belated Fathers Day, Elon.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/21/business/elon-musk-child-files-to-change-name-gender/index.html (https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/21/business/elon-musk-child-files-to-change-name-gender/index.html)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on June 21, 2022, 12:37:36 PM
Happy Belated Fathers Day, Elon.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/21/business/elon-musk-child-files-to-change-name-gender/index.html (https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/21/business/elon-musk-child-files-to-change-name-gender/index.html)
Happy Non-Binary Parent's Day.  Please.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on June 21, 2022, 12:43:22 PM
Happy Belated Fathers Day, Elon.

https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/21/business/elon-musk-child-files-to-change-name-gender/index.html (https://www.cnn.com/2022/06/21/business/elon-musk-child-files-to-change-name-gender/index.html)

As an African-American he's still celebrating his emancipation day, let him be.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 12, 2022, 03:27:21 PM
https://twitter.com/ombachi13/status/1546394230897217536?t=m00iSzrCRoipoxdttbvXDg&s=19
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on July 19, 2022, 11:11:52 AM
brb, taking my son to the range so he doesn't embarrass me like this

https://youtu.be/tBsmkrAeSi8
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on July 19, 2022, 12:47:58 PM
brb, taking my son to the range so he doesn't embarrass me like this

https://youtu.be/tBsmkrAeSi8

LOL. Like, what the freak is this country?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on September 04, 2022, 03:47:10 PM
https://www.theonion.com/without-them-you-could-buy-anything-whispers-amazon-1819580344
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on October 07, 2022, 02:48:33 PM
Expecting baby #2 next March
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on October 07, 2022, 03:58:13 PM
Expecting baby #2 next March
Mazel tov bubbeleh!
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on October 23, 2022, 10:05:03 PM
Tonight my son requested that I refer to him as “Big Dog”

Proud Dad Moment
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Libero_2 on October 23, 2022, 11:18:48 PM
Tonight my son requested that I refer to him as “Big Dog”

Proud Dad Moment

One might say he’s got that dawg in him
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on October 24, 2022, 07:45:07 AM
Tonight my son requested that I refer to him as “Big Dog”

Proud Dad Moment

He's your Connor Roy...wait till Kendall shows up in a few months
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on January 10, 2023, 06:23:37 PM
https://twitter.com/humansnocontext/status/1612757339853160448?s=46&t=gyryHLxy-e-WG_Mss160MA

This is me
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on March 08, 2023, 07:59:40 AM
Unexpected

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/11lcyer/how_did_somebody_you_know_ruin_their_life_in_one/jbd1pif/
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Gorilla on March 08, 2023, 09:35:49 AM
Unexpected

https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/11lcyer/how_did_somebody_you_know_ruin_their_life_in_one/jbd1pif/

The ultimate dad joke.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on March 20, 2023, 06:01:41 PM
https://www.teenvogue.com/story/influencer-parents-children-social-media-impact
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on June 13, 2023, 07:14:09 PM
https://twitter.com/franciscellis/status/1668642531096031233?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on June 26, 2023, 10:08:15 AM
https://twitter.com/footbail_tweets/status/1673250891879657472?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg

Only good one of these I’ve ever seen
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on August 14, 2023, 03:25:35 PM
 (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230814/bd8410a4bec65af8d8a297240b87049f.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: delavan on August 15, 2023, 11:03:14 AM
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20230814/bd8410a4bec65af8d8a297240b87049f.jpg)

    scorched earth.......trim the hedges daddy ? 
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/b/bf/Owsego_MT-_steps_to_burned_down_house%2C_never_rebuilt.jpg/302px-Owsego_MT-_steps_to_burned_down_house%2C_never_rebuilt.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on August 22, 2023, 08:32:18 AM
https://x.com/shannonsharpeee/status/1693786651552846021?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on August 22, 2023, 10:24:45 AM
https://x.com/isabellarileyus/status/1693388687806284165?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on August 22, 2023, 10:40:31 AM
https://x.com/isabellarileyus/status/1693388687806284165?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg

Is this the female answer to Nick Adams?

https://twitter.com/isabellarileyus/status/1693800215462220063

https://twitter.com/isabellarileyus/status/1693358737019519388

https://twitter.com/isabellarileyus/status/1690428781499150336
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: d sw0rdz on August 22, 2023, 10:52:56 AM
Is this the female answer to Nick Adams?

https://twitter.com/isabellarileyus/status/1693800215462220063

https://twitter.com/isabellarileyus/status/1693358737019519388

https://twitter.com/isabellarileyus/status/1690428781499150336

didn't read any of the tweets she look hot though
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on August 22, 2023, 12:01:47 PM
I'm questioning whether or not she actually knows what the word gay means.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on August 22, 2023, 12:50:44 PM
didn't read any of the tweets she look hot though

Real soy boy energy coming from this post, saying a woman is hot. Reeks of gay
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on August 22, 2023, 12:51:52 PM
Her elbows are disgusting
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: d sw0rdz on August 22, 2023, 01:42:33 PM
'from bad life to tradwife' in the bio means she is one mental break away from hoe-ing out again. will keep tabs
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on August 22, 2023, 01:52:45 PM
Har to Dard
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on August 22, 2023, 02:04:00 PM
Har to Dard

Are you constantly having a stroke?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on August 22, 2023, 02:10:52 PM
Are you constantly having a stroke?

merber
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on August 22, 2023, 02:15:48 PM
merber

I ask because I worry.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on September 13, 2023, 10:50:44 AM
https://x.com/korkedbats/status/1701782085906604233?s=20
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: steves850 on September 13, 2023, 11:46:27 AM
https://x.com/korkedbats/status/1701782085906604233?s=20

I tell all my kids they are my least favorite kid. I also refer to my wife as "my current wife." I got this man of the house excrement on lock.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on September 13, 2023, 11:49:41 AM
I tell all my kids they are my least favorite kid. I also refer to my wife as "my current wife." I got this man of the house excrement on lock.

LOL, a friend of mine always introduces his missus as his first wife. She absolutely hates it which only makes him do it more.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on September 17, 2023, 07:26:30 PM
My son (6th grade, extremely muscular and lightning fast) is in one of those NFL flag football leagues and had his first game today and he is the QB.  He's never played football before, but loves the crap out of watching it and playing Madden.

He goes out there full of pee and vinegar and proceeds to throw 3 INTs in the first half, one was a pick six. 

Then the worst possible thing happened.  He drops back and throws a freaking dime like 30 yards to some Tyreek Hill-looking lover of the older lady for a TD.  Now he thinks he's freaking Elway, running down the field like he won the lottery.  The rest of the game he was waving his arms around like he was Peyton Manning trying to engineer a 30 second TD drive.  I mean, he was OK, but he was basically Zach Wilson out there. Trying to check down to a fat kid, either throws it at his feet or fat kid drops it. In his defense, his team (including him) is kinda slow and it was their first game.  He was calling the plays on the palm of his hand, basically telling his buddies to "go that way and get open". Not sure what the coach was doing, but I don't care.  The other team's QB has one of those arm bands with the plays on it, so gay.

Anyway, he ended up throwing like 4 INTs and they got blown out.  The only other TD they got was from the only girl on the team who pick-sixed arm band boy.  Of course he doesn't remember the picks, he remembers his 2 deep bombs to Tyreek.  Now I have to walk the line of letting him build his confidence and be happy playing football without telling him to shut the freak up about the Tyreek bombs because he threw 4 picks and got blown out. Being confident but not overconfident is hard to teach.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: reuben on September 17, 2023, 07:53:41 PM
My son (6th grade, extremely muscular and lightning fast)

I don't know why but this cracked me up.  It's like RaiderJoe describing his child.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on September 17, 2023, 07:57:04 PM
I don't know why but this cracked me up.  It's like RaiderJoe describing his child.
It's from a TGG post about someone's flag/pickup football teammate.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: bojanglesman on September 17, 2023, 07:59:45 PM
I don't know why but this cracked me up.  It's like RaiderJoe describing his child.

Yeah, my kid is tall, but he isn't any of those other 2 things
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on September 17, 2023, 08:48:36 PM
(https://scontent.fyyc2-1.fna.fbcdn.net/v/t1.15752-9/378135090_1304988513556101_9064788441341458017_n.jpg?_nc_cat=100&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=ae9488&_nc_ohc=LPiPfvks2_gAX9K98Ae&_nc_ht=scontent.fyyc2-1.fna&oh=03_AdT0za3A0AjFWzP-2WS2aGQ6yD_5F85BP2UzUzp3bHEOyg&oe=652F0293)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on October 18, 2023, 09:03:32 PM
https://x.com/jimmytraina/status/1714644470132519411?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 18, 2023, 09:27:09 PM
https://x.com/jimmytraina/status/1714644470132519411?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg
Are you even a parent until you've accidentally done that?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 27, 2023, 11:13:07 AM
Going Trunk or Treating tomorrow, this is my life now
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on October 27, 2023, 11:18:52 AM
Going Trunk or Treating tomorrow, this is my life now

Doing what now?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on October 27, 2023, 11:24:32 AM
Doing what now?

Hahaha, that was my reaction the first time I heard my wife was taking the kids to do that at school.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on October 27, 2023, 11:24:37 AM
Doing what now?

Bunch of families go to a parking lot, dress up their car trunks like they’re their front porches and hand out candy to each other.

My biggest problem is that the “or” option makes it seem like abduction is a possibility.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on October 27, 2023, 11:25:35 AM
Bunch of families go to a parking lot, dress up their car trunks like they’re their front porches and hand out candy to each other.

My biggest problem is that the “or” option makes it seem like abduction is a possibility.

I am 100% in favour of this if it prevents them from begging at my door.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on October 27, 2023, 11:27:18 AM
I am 100% in favour of this if it prevents them from begging at my door.

What in the October Grinch freak is this opinion?
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on October 27, 2023, 11:32:32 AM
What in the October Grinch freak is this opinion?

You must be new here. I hate everything about Halloween, in particular snotty little children being told for 364 days of the year being told not to talk to or accept candy from strangers, and then one day of the year told it's perfectly acceptable to knock on their door and beg for it.

I don't know why I'm the poopchute for objecting to being expected to spend $50+ on candy to give to children I don't know under notional threat of vandalism. I will, as usual, be in the basement watching movies, my wife will probably be on the front porch participating in the annual festival of begging and extortion.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on October 27, 2023, 11:37:30 AM
If I had never met JE, I would legit think he was some fat old graying poopchute who sits in his basement putting local children's names in his SLW list.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Johnny English on October 27, 2023, 11:41:55 AM
If I had never met JE, I would legit think he was some fat old graying poopchute who sits in his basement putting local children's names in his SLW list.

Having met me, you know I'm not fat.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: AlioTheFool on October 27, 2023, 12:00:56 PM
Having met me, you know I'm not fat.

I was gonna put in a line afterward saying:

"He's not fat or gray" but I couldn't remember if your hair was changing or not.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: CatoTheElder on October 27, 2023, 12:01:39 PM
You must be new here. I hate everything about Halloween, in particular snotty little children being told for 364 days of the year being told not to talk to or accept candy from strangers, and then one day of the year told it's perfectly acceptable to knock on their door and beg for it.

I don't know why I'm the poopchute for objecting to being expected to spend $50+ on candy to give to children I don't know under notional threat of vandalism. I will, as usual, be in the basement watching movies, my wife will probably be on the front porch participating in the annual festival of begging and extortion.

I'm surprised you're capable of finding things fun.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on October 27, 2023, 02:01:17 PM
I am 100% in favour of this if it prevents them from begging at my door.
Think of it as tailgate party training.
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on November 14, 2023, 01:52:28 PM
 (https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20231114/2abd3d0ed0b2be40e0c7df2b1d314419.jpg)
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: Badger on February 11, 2024, 10:13:29 PM
My son saw the Halo season 2 ad and said "Whoa, somebody needs to make this a video game."
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: MBGreen on March 31, 2024, 02:56:21 PM
https://twitter.com/dougboneparth/status/1774421462897533434?t=K52bQqvmkn5sIMG6c01SmA&s=19


#4Dchess
Title: Re: How to Dad
Post by: SixFeetDeep on April 17, 2024, 08:41:59 AM
https://x.com/isabellamoody_/status/1780400522392158430?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg