Jet Offensive
Other Stuff => The Porta Potty => Topic started by: bojanglesman on October 04, 2013, 12:24:11 PM
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My dumping schedule has been off lately. I attribute it to reddit.
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My dumping schedule has been off lately. I attribute it to reddit.
Well No more Reddit, your period will now come regularly.
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My son farted this morning and laughed. My wife blamed me for teaching him to laugh at farts. I proudly accepted the blame told her that it's a man thing and she wouldn't understand.
Also, I sense the crapper and I are gonna have an all out war today.
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My son farted this morning and laughed. My wife blamed me for teaching him to laugh at farts. I proudly accepted the blame told her that it's a man thing and she wouldn't understand.
Also, I sense the crapper and I are gonna have an all out war today.
We can merge your thread with deep thoughts and MB's food recommendations and have a perfect match.
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My son farted this morning and laughed. My wife blamed me for teaching him to laugh at farts. I proudly accepted the blame told her that it's a man thing and she wouldn't understand.
Also, I sense the crapper and I are gonna have an all out war today.
We can merge your thread with deep thoughts and MB's food recommendations and have a perfect match.
I can't tell the difference between MB's plate and my toilet before I flush.
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My son farted this morning and laughed. My wife blamed me for teaching him to laugh at farts. I proudly accepted the blame told her that it's a man thing and she wouldn't understand.
Also, I sense the crapper and I are gonna have an all out war today.
We can merge your thread with deep thoughts and MB's food recommendations and have a perfect match.
I can't tell the difference between MB's plate and my toilet before I flush.
Well that's because there isn't one.
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One man's trash is another man's treasure.
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I haven't taken a decent excrement since Sunday morning. You can imagine how I feel.
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I haven't taken a decent excrement since Sunday morning. You can imagine how I feel.
One word cure for that:
Shilla's.
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I haven't taken a decent excrement since Sunday morning. You can imagine how I feel.
This is me - I have to give an awful 40 minute IT security training to the entire business at 1pm. I'm hoping I can dump before then.
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I haven't taken a decent excrement since Sunday morning. You can imagine how I feel.
This is me - I have to give an awful 40 minute IT security training to the entire business at 1pm. I'm hoping I can dump before then.
If you're anywhere near the city go to lunch with Tommy at Shilla's. By this time tomorrow your chief complaint will be not being able to stop taking shits.
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Just had my morning coffee.....which basically fires up the turd oven.
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I haven't taken a decent excrement since Sunday morning. You can imagine how I feel.
This is me - I have to give an awful 40 minute IT security training to the entire business at 1pm. I'm hoping I can dump before then.
If your anywhere near the city go to lunch with Tommy at Shilla's. By this time tomorrow your chief complaint will be not being able to stop taking shits.
Ha. I'm strongly considering this option.
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Just had my morning coffee.....which basically fires up the turd oven.
hahaha....
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just finished my starbucks coffee. Almost time for a poop.
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(http://i.imgur.com/7LoiSOD.png)
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The opened up a Starbucks below my office. 3 venti pikes a day and my shits have been thunderous
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Took some senakot last night, and now I'm heading into the bathroom every 5 minutes at work with some serious wet shits.
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Just dropped a monster dump when I didn't even think I had to. Bonus blast.
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I went to Buffalo Wild Wings last night for the game. My derriere is an active volcano
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http://www.amazon.com/Haribo-Gummy-Candy-Sugarless-5-Pound/product-reviews/B000EVQWKC/ref=cm_cr_pr_top_helpful?ie=UTF8&showViewpoints=0&sortBy=byRankDescending
The first review of these vile sugarless gummy bears.
First of all, for taste I would rate these a 5. So good. Soft, true-to-taste fruit flavors like the sugar variety...I was a happy camper.
BUT (or should I say BUTT), not long after eating about 20 of these all hell broke loose. I had a gastrointestinal experience like nothing I've ever imagined. Cramps, sweating, bloating beyond my worst nightmare. I've had food poisoning from some bad shellfish and that was almost like a skip in the park compared to what was going on inside me.
Then came the, uh, flatulence. Heavens to Murgatroyd, the sounds, like trumpets calling the demons back to Hell...the stench, like 1,000 rotten corpses vomited. I couldn't stand to stay in one room for fear of succumbing to my own odors.
But wait; there's more. What came out of me felt like someone tried to funnel Niagara Falls through a coffee straw. I swear my sphincters were screaming. It felt like my delicate starfish was a gaping maw projectile vomiting a torrential flood of toxic waste. 100% liquid. Flammable liquid. NAPALM. It was actually a bit humorous (for a nanosecond)as it was just beyond anything I could imagine possible.
AND IT WENT ON FOR HOURS.
I felt violated when it was over, which I think might have been sometime in the early morning of the next day. There was stuff coming out of me that I ate at my wedding in 2005.
I had FIVE POUNDS of these innocent-looking delicious-tasting HELLBEARS so I told a friend about what happened to me, thinking it HAD to be some type of sensitivity I had to the sugar substitute, and in spite of my warnings and graphic descriptions, she decided to take her chances and take them off my hands.
Silly woman. All of the same for her, and a phone call from her while on the toilet (because you kinda end up living in the bathroom for a spell) telling me she really wished she would have listened. I think she was crying.
Her sister was skeptical and suspected that we were exaggerating. She took them to work, since there was still 99% of a 5 pound bag left. She works for a construction company, where there are builders, roofers, house painters, landscapers, etc. Lots of people who generally have limited access to toilets on a given day. I can't imagine where all of those poor men (and women) pooped that day. I keep envisioning men on roofs, crossing their legs and trying to decide if they can make it down the ladder, or if they should just jump.
If you order these, best of luck to you. And please, don't post a video review during the aftershocks.
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(http://i.imgur.com/gbIwhG6.gif)
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At the State Fair. I'm feeling early tremors. This won't end well.
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On antibiotics for an infection in a cracked tooth. The side of the bottle has two warnings: May cause diarrhea and don't lie down for at least 10 minutes after ingesting...I'm now mortified that I'm going to excrement myself in my sleep.
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On antibiotics for an infection in a cracked tooth. The side of the bottle has two warnings: May cause diarrhea and don't lie down for at least 10 minutes after ingesting...I'm now mortified that I'm going to excrement myself in my sleep.
At least it will happen at home. Better than shitting yourself at work or on a date.
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I ended up dropping a huge blast at the state fair. I felt like a true redneck. It took way too long and I had to do the walk of shame back to the group because everyone knew it was way too long to have just pissed. They all knew I took a dump.
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I pooped at Walbaums the other day.
The bathroom was fantastic - it was tucked away upstairs in a corner and it wasn't an unkempt travesty. It was quiet, calm, and clean.
If I ever have to poop in that area again, I know I've got a heavenly refuge.
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Someone took a tremendous dump in my office building over the weekend. It clogged the entire basement sewage system and overflowed the three toilets on the ground floor.
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Why did I open this thread during lunch?
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Hungover as excrement today, so I had one of those shits where I was convinced I'd also vomit all over myself. Good times.
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Someone took a tremendous dump in my office building over the weekend. It clogged the entire basement sewage system and overflowed the three toilets on the ground floor.
You're welcome.
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Someone took a tremendous dump in my office building over the weekend. It clogged the entire basement sewage system and overflowed the three toilets on the ground floor.
That is fantastic and worthy of a raise in salary.
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I pooped at Walbaums the other day.
The bathroom was fantastic - it was tucked away upstairs in a corner and it wasn't an unkempt travesty. It was quiet, calm, and clean.
If I ever have to poop in that area again, I know I've got a heavenly refuge.
The single best places to poop are Casino's. They have attendants in there every 5 minutes cleaning the joint up. Nothing is more satisfying then letting out a real steamer and watching that guy having to go back in there and fill the TP or derriere blankets. Yep I am a sadist.
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I always take great shits at casinos. Must be the oxygen.
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I always take great shits at casinos. Must be the oxygen.
I always figured it was the food.
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk - now Free (http://tapatalk.com/m?id=1)
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Found Bo's Christmas present.
(http://i.imgur.com/8rGmQRZ.jpg)
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MB might put that to good use as well.
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I imagine every single one of MB's poops being an emergency. He doesn't have time to get all fancy with his technique.
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I imagine every single one of MB's poops being an emergency. He doesn't have time to get all fancy with his technique.
You imagine every single of MB's poops? You are a very fucked up man.
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I'm just going to leave this here.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/10/24/fart-filtering-underwear_n_4156400.html
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What's the point of a fart if you can't smell it?
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had Starbucks coffee this morning....haven't pooped yet.
Going to go for a 2nd cup now, and see what happens.
/science fair
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What's the point of a fart if you can't smell it?
Not much other than a few chuckles from the sound.
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"Heinous" would be the best word to describe the fart I just ripped.
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I took a dump a little while ago and the log caught itself on the sides of the hole and wouldn't flush. I stood there for a second fearing I'd have to roll up some toilet paper and break it. Instead I just flushed a few times until it wore away and finally went down the hole.
It smelled pretty awful too.
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I farted in the steam room today at the gym. Cleared the place out. Had it all to myself afterwards. Win.
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I took a dump a little while ago and the log caught itself on the sides of the hole and wouldn't flush. I stood there for a second fearing I'd have to roll up some toilet paper and break it. Instead I just flushed a few times until it wore away and finally went down the hole.
It smelled pretty awful too.
I emptied the dump out of my son's diaper the other day. It did the same thing. Took 3 flushes to break up enough to go down. I was both proud and annoyed.
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I farted in the steam room today at the gym. Cleared the place out. Had it all to myself afterwards. Win.
I don't know the science behind why farts spread with more tenacity in a heated/steamy room, but it is true. If I fart in the shower, I smell it within 1 nanosecond.
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I just took a dump that was like 12 feet of coiled rope. I think I heard the toilet cursing at me for that one.
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(http://i.imgur.com/rzVFpSv.png)
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You fucks are weird. Never change. It's why I love you.
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I don't know the science behind why farts spread with more tenacity in a heated/steamy room, but it is true. If I fart in the shower, I smell it within 1 nanosecond.
This reminds me of an absolutely horrifying tweet I read once:
"Smells are particulate-based. Remember that next time you 'taste' a fart."
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That's not true though. You're not actually inhaling tiny particles of excrement.
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That's not true though. You're not actually inhaling tiny particles of excrement.
Sure does taste like it.
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Well, not "excrement" particulates, per se, but you are inhaling methane particulates, and they are coming from inside someone's colon via their anus.
On a side note, you supposedly swallow a little bit of urine every time you pee as particulates make their way into your mouth through your salivary glands.
Enjoy your afternoon coffee my friends!
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Well, not "excrement" particulates, per se, but you are inhaling methane particulates, and they are coming from inside someone's colon via their anus.
On a side note, you supposedly swallow a little bit of urine every time you pee as particulates make their way into your mouth through your salivary glands.
Enjoy your afternoon coffee my friends!
So Incognito may have literally shat in Martin's mouth if he walked in on Incognito mid-crap?
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Fecal matter*
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Well, not "excrement" particulates, per se, but you are inhaling methane particulates, and they are coming from inside someone's colon via their anus.
On a side note, you supposedly swallow a little bit of urine every time you pee as particulates make their way into your mouth through your salivary glands.
Enjoy your afternoon coffee my friends!
Meh. I don't mine the urine so long as it's mine.
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just had to wipe my derriere with a page of espn the magazine. would not recommend to others.
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just had to wipe my derriere with a page of espn the magazine. would not recommend to others.
At least it is more useful than reading it.
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http://phys.org/news/2013-11-university-physicists-urine-splash-back-tactics.html
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That was a good read. I think I've been doing it right except maybe I need to get closer.
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I can usually make it through the day without having to take a dump at school. But when it hits me, I like to go down to the media center because the handicapped stall in there is a dump-taking fortress.
I wandered over there and walk in...awful freaking smell hits me. Someone is in my stall. I don't want to leave because I've come to far, so I go into the able-bodied pooper and the smell gets even worse. I can't do it.
I leave and walk about 200 yards of hallways to the faculty lounge whilst prairie dogging it. By the time I get there, I'm sweating my derriere off from pure exhaustion...I walk into the men's room and it's just a sink, a toilet, and a urinal on the wall.
Release the hounds.
Walk out, bundle of sticks science teacher is waiting to use it, give him a nod, and he walked towards his impending death.
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Nice. That's turd justice. You got to dish one out after taking one.
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Last night I had a big bowl of oreo ice cream.
This evening, Jesus wept.
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Had to visit a different part of my office building this morning, this part has six floors and two are empty. Decided to try my security pass on one of those floors and amazingly it worked. Am now enjoying a silent eight cubicle bathroom all to myself. All future office shits will be conducted in this oasis of poo.
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Had to visit a different part of my office building this morning, this part has six floors and two are empty. Decided to try my security pass on one of those floors and amazingly it worked. Am now enjoying a silent eight cubicle bathroom all to myself. All future office shits will be conducted in this oasis of poo.
I'm jealous. We have 2 bathrooms that are in heavy use. I take that bad boy over for a good 10 minutes when I'm in control though.
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I hate it when I have to go after all the stalls are taken. It makes me hate the people inside with a passion.
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I hate it when I have to go after all the stalls are taken. It makes me hate the people inside with a passion.
Are you going to have to go back to squatting?
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Are you going to have to go back to squatting?
Haha. I've tried that before. Not a fan. Definitely not a fan.
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At my previous job I worked on a floor with only 4 other men, everyone else was a woman. The bathroom was just a toilet, a sink, and a window with a view of the Manhattan skyline. I miss that bathroom.
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At my previous job I worked on a floor with only 4 other men, everyone else was a woman. The bathroom was just a toilet, a sink, and a window with a view of the Manhattan skyline. I miss that bathroom.
That sounds dreamy.
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I've taken one dump in 2 days. Now my wife is driving us home down a windy mountain road so I have motion sickness. I feel like blasting out of both ends.
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I've taken one dump in 2 days. Now my wife is driving us home down a windy mountain road so I have motion sickness. I feel like blasting out of both ends.
I call BS. Nobody lets their wife drive and lives to tell about it.
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I call BS. Nobody lets their wife drive and lives to tell about it.
I'm not a good driver on long trips. I don't pay attention, miss turns and pee everyone off. I'd rather let her drive and bitch like an old man about her driving from the passenger seat.
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Shitting in space. FF to 4:55
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fa3nuXxM8yk
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Did some blow, now shitting up a storm.
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Wow Ricola cough drops are Roto-Rooter. good lord. They're more effective than Shilla's. Have 5-10 of those things in a short span and get ready to sprint for the restroom.
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The door of the restroom on my floor is ajar 90% of the time, so usually I can just push it open and walk in. The other 10% of the time I end up looking like an idiot in the hallway trying to push open a closed door, as if I don't know how to use the handle.
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I just pushed out a log that took 5 flushes to break enough for it to head down the drain.
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(http://24.media.tumblr.com/cb6fd849f50d5e96c6b1557217723431/tumblr_mwa7gtXLbR1rxjtoro1_500.jpg)
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I hate when you feel bloated as hell and every time you pass gas you are a little worried that something else might happen. Only to get a chance to hit the stall.
Mostly gas and a tiny premature turd. Premies take like five minutes to wipe away. I like my turds full term. Feels like an accomplishment.
This post is equally valid in the Latrine thread. Well done.
And yeah, WTF is with the early turds needing half a roll of toilet paper to clean? (That's a big bonus when you have small kids. Baby wipes are awesome for cleaning those!)
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This post is equally valid in the Latrine thread. Well done.
And yeah, WTF is with the early turds needing half a roll of toilet paper to clean? (That's a big bonus when you have small kids. Baby wipes are awesome for cleaning those!)
We dont have kids, but we have baby wipes for this very reason.
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Baby Wipes FTW
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We dont have kids, but we have baby wipes for this very reason.
Ditto. I can't live without them now.
I'm moving these posts to the Latrine.
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Only winners use baby wipes to clean their asses.
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Flushable wipes cause baby wipes aren't flushable doe
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Flushable wipes cause baby wipes aren't flushable doe
I guess Nevada toilets are stronger. Never had a problem. Nevada toilets ftw!
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I guess Nevada toilets are stronger. Never had a problem. Nevada toilets ftw!
They flush.. but it's not good
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They flush.. but it's not good
You do understand that this is the appropriate thread to allaborate further...
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You do understand that this is the appropriate thread to allaborate further...
I'm not talking from experience so I can't allaborate further. I just know you're not supposed to flush them like you're not supposed to flush tissues.
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I don't live in the sewer, I'm going to flush whatever the hell goes down.
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I don't live in the sewer, I'm going to flush whatever the hell goes down.
AMEN
EDIT: Though, in fairness, if you have a septic tank you probably shouldn't flush them. And, if you have a septic tank, you should probably move out of the sticks.
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You only have to google "flushable wipes" to see stories from all over your country and mine talking about how the sewers are getting jammed up with so called flushable wipes which may disappear out of your bowel OK, but then gum everything up further downstream and cost you, directly or indirectly, a bunch of money to clear.
Edit: saw the typo after submitting the post, went back to fix it, and decided it was too beautiful to destroy.
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You only have to google "flushable wipes" to see stories from all over your country and mine talking about how the sewers are getting jammed up with so called flushable wipes which may disappear out of your bowel OK, but then gum everything up further downstream and cost you, directly or indirectly, a bunch of money to clear.
I'm totally with you on your hippie agenda most of the time, but don't tell me I can't flush my derriere wipes!
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bowel
That one? Nice.
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AMEN
EDIT: Though, in fairness, if you have a septic tank you probably shouldn't flush them. And, if you have a septic tank, you should probably move out of the sticks.
My house has a septic tank, so when I'm shitting at home I use proper flushing methods.
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My house has a septic tank, so when I'm shitting at home I use proper flushing methods.
Which is good. Nothing happy happens when a septic tank fails.
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Which is good. Nothing happy happens when a septic tank fails.
A septic tank starting leaking at the camp I used to work at. One of the ranger's dogs unknowingly leaped right into the resulting quagmire.
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You only have to google "flushable wipes" to see stories from all over your country and mine talking about how the sewers are getting jammed up with so called flushable wipes which may disappear out of your bowel OK, but then gum everything up further downstream and cost you, directly or indirectly, a bunch of money to clear.
Edit: saw the typo after submitting the post, went back to fix it, and decided it was too beautiful to destroy.
I can attest to this.
Twice this year, I've gone down to my building's basement and discovered a floor full of turds, because the kid with Asperger's who lives above us keeps flushing flushable wipes. (That's what the cesspool guy keeps dredging up).
Trying to explain to someone with Asperger's that flushable wipes aren't flushable is like trying to argue that the sky is green.
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A septic tank starting leaking at the camp I used to work at. One of the ranger's dogs unknowingly leaped right into the resulting quagmire.
Giggity.
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I'm not sure, but I think I finally cleared my body of the last of the food I ate from my Wednesday to Sunday gorge-a-thon.
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Just had one of those times when nature calls right before you need to head out the door. It's never a quick and easy one, is it?
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wiped too hard.
It was like the first 10 minutes of Saving Private Ryan in the can today.
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No. You've gone too far now.
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No. You've gone too far now.
Has anyone ever gone so far as even to need more to do look more like?
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Has anyone ever gone so far as even to need more to do look more like?
Did you just have a seizure?
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Did you just have a seizure?
You've got to be kidding me. I've been further even more decided to use even go need to do look more as anyone can. Can you really be far even as decided half as much to use go wish for that? My guess is that when one really been far even as decided once to use even go want, it is then that he has really been far even as decided to use even go want to do look more like. It's just common sense.
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No. You've gone too far now.
I'll take pics next time.
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I love walking into the bathroom at work while someone is brushing their teeth, and head right into a stall and destroy the toilet. The dude is brushing his teeth with tiny particles of my excrement.
Awesome.
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I thought I was the only weirdo who did this
http://deadspin.com/5424415/sitters-vs-standers--the-great-wipe-hope/1472830117/@barryap
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Who would stand to wipe? And why? That's ridiculous.
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Yeah, that's dumb. Lean to the left and go to town.
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Who would stand to wipe? And why? That's ridiculous.
it's really not. You cover more ground, not reaching in between your legs like an poopchute or so close to the poop water
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I think I started as a standing wiper when I was a kid and over time became a sitter. Probably out of laziness. Probably about the time I changed from tighty-whiteys to boxer underwear.
If I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, sometimes I sit down to have the option of falling asleep on the crapper.
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it's really not. You cover more ground, not reaching in between your legs like an poopchute or so close to the poop water
If you are close to touching poop water, you either need a new toilet or a new pair of glasses.
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If you are close to touching poop water, you either need a new toilet or a new pair of glasses.
I don't know if that even made sense. It's been so long since i sat and wiped that I forget the mechanics
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this is funny, I don't know how it's true but it applies I guess
Manton:
I'm a 23-year-old male who not only stands to wipe, but has never even contemplated any other form of wiping. I had no idea there was any other way until I went to college and people would see me stand-up over the top of the stall (I'm 6'4", the stall was roughly 5'10") and confused everyone. Apparently it's a New Jersey thing, as I did an impromptu dorm floor census (of both sexes), and everyone from Jersey wiped standing up.
The whole article is pretty awesome. Especially because of how evenly split it is and how weird standers/sitters think each other are..or know they exist
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I think I started as a standing wiper when I was a kid and over time became a sitter. Probably out of laziness. Probably about the time I changed from tighty-whiteys to boxer underwear.
If I have to get up in the middle of the night to pee, sometimes I sit down to have the option of falling asleep on the crapper.
Sometimes you need to stand to get things sorted out. Those peanut butter shits can be a nightmare. Only reason I have baby wipes without a baby.
And as a sitting pisser (only at home), I see nothing wrong with that. There's a reason why every decent home should have a urinal in at least one bathroom.
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I usually let the situation dictate the tactics. Going in with a set, inflexible strategy is the recipe for disaster.
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Sorry. Unless your derriere and poopchute is in a different place than the standard human derriere and poopchute setup, standing up to wipe is just weird I guarantee it's less effective.
I mean, I'll try it once just to see, but...I doubt it.
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Sorry. Unless your derriere and poopchute is in a different place than the standard human derriere and poopchute setup, standing up to wipe is just weird I guarantee it's less effective.
I mean, I'll try it once just to see, but...I doubt it.
I'm afraid excrement will run down my thigh if I stand and there's a hanger-on.
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Wife made a spicy bean stew. I can't stop farting.
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The wife made pulled pork sliders with slaw last night. This morning, I walked out of the shower and cut this massive fart. My wife walked back into the bedroom without knowing this and said
"oh my god...i can taste it"
"But that's your home cooking. Pulled pork, babbie"
"no....that's your gut rot".
I had no reply.
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The wife made pulled pork sliders with slaw last night. This morning, I walked out of the shower and cut this massive fart. My wife walked back into the bedroom without knowing this and said
"oh my god...i can taste it"
"But that's your home cooking. Pulled pork, babbie"
"no....that's your gut rot".
I had no reply.
Man, you should have thrown out my useless fact! "Smells are particulate-based. Remember that next time you 'taste' a fart."
Gold.
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^ I had a rancid excrement about 45 mins ago. Her complaints were warranted.
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^ I had a rancid excrement about 45 mins ago. Her complaints were warranted.
What the hell is wrong with your derriere, man?
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What the hell is wrong with your derriere, man?
You must be new here.
Short version: i eat like a cockroach
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You must be new here.
Short version: i eat like a cockroach
But...... We all keep trying to help you! Is Ketchup some form of sulfuric acid?
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And did you eat the cat (and dude) in your av with said ketchup?
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Nobody is helping....you guys are trying to kill me. *beads of sweat*
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In order of preference:
-mustard
-BBQ sauce
-ketchup
-Miracle Whip
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This reminded me of the time I gave myself food poisoning. Very similar.
(http://i.imgur.com/e4CLDNS.png)
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So pickles make for a very effective laxative? Did not know that.
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In order of preference:
-mustard
-BBQ sauce
-ketchup
-Miracle Whip
-cheese dust
FTFY
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In order of preference:
-mustard
-BBQ sauce
-ketchup
-Miracle Whip
- acceptable, as long its not the nuclear waste yellow stuff
- hesitantly accept, but there's f'ing ketchup in most of it
- just NO
- don't even get me started
PM me your email and I will arrange for a proper condiment for a Christmas gift. You just have to promise to mix it with some proper mayonnaise. Half of each and it goes on anything. I WANT TO HELP YOU!!!
EDIT: And no, it's not my manhood before you even go there.
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(https://scontent-b-ord.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-frc3/1493174_581452691933407_2063399535_n.jpg)
"shitter was full"
/Christmas Stuff thread crossover
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just finished taking a sour dump here at work. It was a quality dump...because some poor sap walked in to the can, took a pee, and left quickly. He didn't wash his hands.
Christmas came early for that dude.
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You're a hero to all of us work-dumpers. Keep building the legend.
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christmas loaf pinch in t-minus 5 mins.
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In order of preference:
-mustard
-BBQ sauce
-ketchup
-Miracle Whip
-Mustard (strictly yellow)
-Ranch
...GTFO
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Mom's home cooking involves a ton of olive oil. I feel the shits gliding smoothly through my poopchute.
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http://i.imgur.com/w1yHj02.png
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New year's dump. Out with the old.......
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New year's dump. Out with the old.......
I'm somewhat afraid of what will come out of me. Think I'll get some Carl's so I know what to expect...
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The Starbucks is working efficiently this morning. Scheduled dump has been moved up 60 mins.
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Do you have those weird asian toilets, Tommy? Does the water spin the other way? Do you have to excrement in a urinal?
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Do you have those weird asian toilets, Tommy? Does the water spin the other way? Do you have to excrement in a urinal?
the toilet seats are slanted and give auto-blumpkins
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I had moussaka for dinner last night, and this morning's results were an abomination.
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If you really want to impress at the latrine, may I suggest you buy some avocado's and eat a bunch of guacamole. What comes out can only be described as buckets of green paste. You could probably re use it.
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If you really want to impress at the latrine, may I suggest you buy some avocado's and eat a bunch of guacamole. What comes out can only be described as buckets of paste.
I had a chocolate version of that last year around the holidays. I had several bags of french truffles for some reason and I would just eat them at my desk all day. My body quickly discouraged this behavior.
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I forgot to lock the bathroom door when taking a dump this morning. Someone opened it about halfway before I could stop them. It's my fault, but I can't even have peace in the crapper.
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I had a chocolate version of that last year around the holidays. I had several bags of french truffles for some reason and I would just eat them at my desk all day. My body quickly discouraged this behavior.
Yeah the smelly mess that comes out after is horrid.
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vGCIGEUB32M
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http://www.independent.co.uk/news/weird-news/opera-singer-out-of-work-after-surgery-left-her-unable-to-sing-without-farting-9080793.html
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Someone on my floor is on the same poop schedule as me in the morning. He's always occupying the good stall when I go in.
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Someone on my floor is on the same poop schedule as me in the morning. He's always occupying the good stall when I go in.
The shitter on my floor has one stall. When you get it, it's like winning the lotto.
Don't have to listen to another schmuck pinching a loaf next to you. Glorious.
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Just destroyed the can. Tim Hortons coffee with the assist.
Sent from my SGH-I337M using Tapatalk
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http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/1ylam9/tifu_by_stuffing_shit_covered_toilet_paper_into/
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A rare pre-coffee explosion. Here it comes, sanitation department.
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My wife took my son to story time at the library tonight. She said he farted in the middle of the story and everyone started laughing. My boy.
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(http://i.imgur.com/F8SGzOL.gif)
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(http://i.imgur.com/F8SGzOL.gif)
I have a pair of nice light brown dress pants that I never get to wear to work because of this.
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I'd love to know the science behind why this happens. I swear I could stand there for 30 minutes to let it drip/shake it and the second I put it back, it dribbles.
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I'd love to know the science behind why this happens. I swear I could stand there for 30 minutes to let it drip/shake it and the second I put it back, it dribbles.
Conduct some dog dick experiments. For science.
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I'd love to know the science behind why this happens. I swear I could stand there for 30 minutes to let it drip/shake it and the second I put it back, it dribbles.
I have conducted experiments, and it's because of the slightly awkward positioning of the opening of some underpants causing the flow to not travel in a straight line. If you undo your pants and drop your drawers, it won't happen. But you might get strange looks and in the wrong place, a good kicking.
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I have given up shaking it. I just let it flow I can shake it 50 times or once the results are the freaking same.
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I have conducted experiments, and it's because of the slightly awkward positioning of the opening of some underpants causing the flow to not travel in a straight line. If you undo your pants and drop your drawers, it won't happen. But you might get strange looks and in the wrong place, a good kicking.
Do you lift up your shirt as well?
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Depends how long the shirt is. It's unlikely your shirt would restrict the flow of pee, but you don't want to pee on your shirt.
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(http://www.weirdasianews.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/11/Urinal_Etiquette-500x375.jpg)
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http://lifehacker.com/what-does-the-shape-and-color-of-my-poop-mean-1535648433/@tcraggs22
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Grape juice makes my poop green. I only drink it on Saturdays during the football season, but not on the bye week.
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Moving the clocks forward totally screwed up my dump schedule. First thing I had to do when I got in was run to the bathroom. Normally I can leisurely get settled at my desk and eat breakfast before I need to worry about that.
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Moving the clocks forward totally screwed up my dump schedule. First thing I had to do when I got in was run to the bathroom. Normally I can leisurely get settled at my desk and eat breakfast before I need to worry about that.
. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? I've had turd delay.
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. Shouldn't it have been the other way around? I've had turd delay.
That's what I thought. Maybe I was supposed to have a just after waking dump today.
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That's what I thought. Maybe I was supposed to have a just after waking dump today.
. Better watch out, a few minutes earlier and you'll excrement the bed.
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I've got a nice meatloaf cooking in my intestine. Adding Starbucks coffee to it now. Should be ready in 30 mins.
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I cut out coffee more than a week ago so I miss the brewing effect. Feels a little more natural now though.
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Moving the clocks forward totally screwed up my dump schedule. First thing I had to do when I got in was run to the bathroom. Normally I can leisurely get settled at my desk and eat breakfast before I need to worry about that.
I hadn't even thought about that. I was wondering why I had to go so damn early today.
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http://deadspin.com/grappling-match-ends-with-vomit-inducing-fart-1540539326
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http://deadspin.com/grappling-match-ends-with-vomit-inducing-fart-1540539326
He was probably thinking of The Following Season 1.
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I don't know what is funnier, you guys talking about your doogies at length (no pun intended) or me reading thru the whole thread. :o
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I don't know what is funnier, you guys talking about your doogies at length (no pun intended) or me reading thru the whole thread. :o
you picked an interesting "first thread" to peruse through.
/fart
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Yea well it was on the top. ;D
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Yea well it was on the top. ;D
welcome back. :)
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I don't know what is funnier, you guys talking about your doogies at length (no pun intended) or me reading thru the whole thread. :o
Do my eyes deceive me, or is someone masquerading as Pam?
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Yea well it was on the top. ;D
Welcome, Pam!
I changed my name once I joined here... used to go by Green Hornet back at tgg.
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Welcome, Pam!
I changed my name once I joined here... used to go by Green Hornet back at tgg.
(http://cdn5.movieclips.com/mgm/i/invasion-of-the-body-snatchers-1978/0239850_5547_MC_Tx360.jpg)
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Wait... Do I smell estrogen? Is this the right board?
Welcome the the sausage fest, I mean Jet Offensive Pam.
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Is this the first female?
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Wait... Do I smell estrogen?
Have you been in the fitness thread?
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Have you been in the fitness thread?
LMFAO
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Welcome, Pam!
I changed my name once I joined here... used to go by Green Hornet back at tgg.
I know who you are. ;)
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I know who you are. ;)
I changed my name as well Pam I used to be two posters at TGG, one was an alter ego, I was Cakes and Abyzmul. I will let you figure out which one was my alter.
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Had cobra soup and cobra belly over rice for lunch. I'm writing this on the toilet as my bowels are unleashing hell.
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I don't know what is funnier, you guys talking about your doogies at length (no pun intended) or me reading thru the whole thread. :o
PAM!!!!
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Had cobra soup and cobra belly over rice for lunch. I'm writing this on the toilet as my bowels are unleashing hell.
(http://static.tumblr.com/drz8amk/cuRlcoyg4/zimmern.png)
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I didn't go for 2 days I just took one that could fill a 5 gallon bucket, it was a gigantic dump.
It was like giving birth, so I named it Darryl.
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I didn't go for 2 days I just took one that could fill a 5 gallon bucket, it was a gigantic dump.
It was like giving birth, so I named it Darryl.
i'm sure you'll breastfeed.
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I had buffalo wild wings last night. This morning is painful
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i'm sure you'll breastfeed.
hahahah it already looks like Kellen Clemens.
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I had buffalo wild wings last night. This morning is painful
more painful than the Vick tattoo
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I freaking hate my work bathroom. disgusting. and what the freak is with dudes trying to make small talk in there? I barely say hello to you in the office, just shut the freak up for 20 seconds of your life and keep your eyes on the ground.
some days I'd rather pee my pants than go in there to take a leak.
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I freaking hate my work bathroom. disgusting. and what the freak is with dudes trying to make small talk in there? I barely say hello to you in the office, just shut the freak up for 20 seconds of your life and keep your eyes on the ground.
some days I'd rather pee my pants than go in there to take a leak.
My boss's friend (works on our floor with his own company) always tries to make small talk if we run into each other in the bathroom.
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So last night before bed I took a pee that caused me to contemplate for a minute what kind of horrible disease I must have before I remembered I had a beet salad with dinner.
Then this morning I took a dump that looked like Barney the Dinosaur.
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Asparagus makes my poop green. Go jets!
Sent from my RM-845_nam_vzw_100 using Tapatalk
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Tim Horton's coffee mixed with the calamari salad i ate last night.
ooooh boy. People WILL suffer.
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Had blueberry muffins yesterday. Looks like I killed a smurf in the crapper.
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Some poopchute just lit up the bathroom. I walked by the open door and it smells like someone excrement sweat.
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Oh no he killed the smell of blueberry scented poo!
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I have to pee so freaking bad my eyeballs are floating, this sucks.
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did you forget to change into your depends at lunch?
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I never go unless I am home. Currently destroying Silverton casino. Quadruple derriere gasket bitches.
Sent from my RM-845_nam_vzw_100 using Tapatalk
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I never go unless I am home. Currently destroying Silverton casino. Quadruple derriere gasket bitches.
Sent from my RM-845_nam_vzw_100 using Tapatalk
My wife is that way. She'll drive home to take a dump. I'll excrement anywhere. I don't care. I'll excrement on your lawn. She gets mad because going to Target is like a laxative to me. Every time I walk in there......blowout. She doesn't understand how I can do it.
I did successfully teach her the proper, 2 step courtesy flush though.
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My wife is that way. She'll drive home to take a dump. I'll excrement anywhere. I don't care. I'll excrement on your lawn. She gets mad because going to Target is like a laxative to me. Every time I walk in there......blowout. She doesn't understand how I can do it.
I did successfully teach her the proper, 2 step courtesy flush though.
Would you excrement in one of these?
(http://f00.inventorspot.com/images/squat_toilet.jpg)
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I would excrement in the shoes and go about my day
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Why not? Is that some sort of Asian yoga crapper? Maybe some sort of rub n' blumpkin situation?
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Why not? Is that some sort of Asian yoga crapper? Maybe some sort of rub n' blumpkin situation?
It' tough. You have to be able to squat all the way down, which I myself can't do.
(http://visualioner.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/t1.png)
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I never go unless I am home. Currently destroying Silverton casino. Quadruple derriere gasket bitches.
Sent from my RM-845_nam_vzw_100 using Tapatalk
Casino's have the cleanest rest rooms on the face of this earth.
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Would you excrement in one of these?
(http://f00.inventorspot.com/images/squat_toilet.jpg)
Ugh, those things can be so freaking nasty.
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I'm like bo, I'll excrement practically anywhere. I've excrement in airports, the rest areas on the Garden State Parkway, wherever I am when I have to go gets it.
That "bowel" is interesting. It's supposed to be better for your body to squat rather than sit on a throne like a civilized person.
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When you have to go you have to go. Taking a excrement in your pants isn't an option.
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I never go unless I am home. Currently destroying Silverton casino. Quadruple derriere gasket bitches.
Sent from my RM-845_nam_vzw_100 using Tapatalk
I want to excrement in the aquarium at the Bass pro shop.
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I want to excrement in the aquarium at the Bass pro shop.
Watch the fish eat it.
True story:
I was fishing in the Florida Keys and the boat chums for yellowtail snapper. Around the chumbag were 50 or so Bermuda Chubs. There was a gentleman on board that had smoked fish dip made from Bermuda Chub. He was offering it to everyone, only the Captain and I said," no thank you." Thirty minutes later someone uses the latrine and flushes a huge floater out the port side. The Bermuda Chubs start eating it like MBGreen eats a Mongolian BBQ. The Capt and I start cracking up and of course pointing out what the Chubs were eating. 3 people immediately start hurling including the Capts. brother in law. It was one of those had to be there moments.
(http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-4eVLyBdEzZg/UQV_JF0axBI/AAAAAAAAC3w/dZ_YqzMtxSM/s1600/Bermuda+Chub+(Kyphosus+sectatrix).JPG)
(http://www.thejump.net/id/more-fish/bermuda-chub.jpg)
Yellowtail Snapper:
(http://cbsmiami.files.wordpress.com/2013/12/klp01web-2.jpg?w=620&h=349&crop=1)
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/Miamipuck/Lee/05275615.jpg)
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^That's got to be the first time I've heard you tell a story that didn't end with you eating a chub.
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^That's got to be the first time I've heard you tell a story that didn't end with you eating a chub.
All I can get.
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BRAND NEW Casino's have the cleanest rest rooms on the face of this earth.
As the casino ages and they cut their staff in half it goes downhill fast. I love Silverton and go there all the time, but their rest rooms can be really nasty. Last night was simply an emergency.
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http://uproxx.com/tv/2014/04/meet-mr-poo-indias-anti-public-pooping-mascot-in-this-outstanding-animated-psa/
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http://uproxx.com/tv/2014/04/meet-mr-poo-indias-anti-public-pooping-mascot-in-this-outstanding-animated-psa/
im taking a dump as i type this on my laptop and reading thelink. its Ahbed level meta
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A perfect article for this thread!
(https://my.news.yahoo.com/poop-pooping-5-misconceptions-explained-132823892.html)
Everyone does it. And many have developed a set of rituals and beliefs, some false, about the act of clearing one's bowels.
You might think that you know your stuff about poop, but misconceptions are common. Here is the truth behind five common misconceptions about defecating.
Misconception No. 1: Daily pooping is normal, and optimal.
The U.S. Army once encouraged its soldiers to perform three daily S's, two of which are shower and shave. This might imply that the first S, which stands for, uh, defecating, is a healthy daily routine one should strive for. But it is latrine efficiency, not long-term health, that's the Army's top priority.
Gastroenterologists quip that anything in the range of three times daily to three times weekly is normal, assuming the feces isn't too loose or hard. That is, regularity doesn't mean defecation should happen daily, but rather, that it should happen consistently. Frequency only becomes a concern when it changes suddenly, in either direction...............
Click the link for the entire article.
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I farted this morning and my wife told me it was a divorce-quality fart. It is still following me around wherever I go. It's a shadow fart.
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I farted this morning and my wife told me it was a divorce-quality fart. It is still following me around wherever I go. It's a shadow fart.
Divorce-quality is special vintage.
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Divorce-quality is special vintage.
It was a surprise batch release. No idea it was so special at the time.
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It was a surprise batch release. No idea it was so special at the time.
you should bottle the next one, and hand it to Puck at the dinner table in November.
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It' tough. You have to be able to squat all the way down, which I myself can't do.
(http://visualioner.files.wordpress.com/2013/02/t1.png)
How many times in the last 2 months has drunken Tommy used one of those toilets only to excrement and pee all over his legs?
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How many times in the last 2 months has drunken Tommy used one of those toilets only to excrement and pee all over his legs?
He washed his hands in it the first month.
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How many times in the last 2 months has drunken Tommy used one of those toilets only to excrement and pee all over his legs?
Haha it's fuckn hard. I don't know what it is about asians, but they're able to squat like no other race. Fuckers can just hang out in a full as to ground squat while smoking a cigarette.
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I'm sick. I feel like the water I just drank traveled down a luge and directly out my derriere in an unchanged form. Didn't think I'd be nauseated until the Jets picked at 18.
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So since I started eating healthier (granted it's only been a few days) my poop schedule has been on point. Two quality poops a day, and a feeling of relief and emptiness after each one.
I've really been filling my body with nonsense.
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(http://i.imgur.com/b8lPoAf.jpg)
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^I should get that "One Shining Moment" theme piped into my bathroom in repeat.
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I was out on a Thanksgiving morning playing roller hockey at this local rink, it's something we do every year, prob 15 or so guys.
I figured it would be a good idea to eat something before i play, so I stop at Dunkin Donuts and get a big Texas sandwich or something like that and a large coffee. Fast forward me playing about an hour in I get the grumbles, i try to skate it off like a champ but I wet fart a little and I know its defcon 5, i skate out of the rink as fast as I can, this place has a mini golf course that's only open in the summer THAT's WHERE THE BATHROOMS ARE, so I run to the locker room and see a big metal garbage can without thinking twice i dropped my draws I had to kind of jump in and hold my self up on the sides like when you do dips. EXPLODED like chocolate lava when I get done i used my undershirt to "clean up" but when I was done I noticed a hole in the bag, this can was the kind that looked like mesh, Didn't think anything of it. Head back to the rink that Sunday walk towards the locker room I see some guys flipping out cause, the poo oozed out of the can and he put his bag on top of it. He goes to me "you believe this? I think I got human excrement all over my bag" my answer was, wow some scumbag must have done that.
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I was out on a Thanksgiving morning playing roller hockey at this local rink, it's something we do every year, prob 15 or so guys.
I figured it would be a good idea to eat something before i play, so I stop at Dunkin Donuts and get a big Texas sandwich or something like that and a large coffee. Fast forward me playing about an hour in I get the grumbles, i try to skate it off like a champ but I wet fart a little and I know its defcon 5, i skate out of the rink as fast as I can, this place has a mini golf course that's only open in the summer THAT's WHERE THE BATHROOMS ARE, so I run to the locker room and see a big metal garbage can without thinking twice i dropped my draws I had to kind of jump in and hold my self up on the sides like when you do dips. EXPLODED like chocolate lava when I get done i used my undershirt to "clean up" but when I was done I noticed a hole in the bag, this can was the kind that looked like mesh, Didn't think anything of it. Head back to the rink that Sunday walk towards the locker room I see some guys flipping out cause, the poo oozed out of the can and he put his bag on top of it. He goes to me "you believe this? I think I got human excrement all over my bag" my answer was, wow some scumbag must have done that.
I think what Koz did in his pants, after meeting the Train woman and getting emasculated, must have been worse.
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http://www.jetoffensive.com/index.php?topic=16.0
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I pooped in a titty bar one time.
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Does my neighbors lawn count?
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I'm with Bo. One topic on turds is quite enough.
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(http://i.imgur.com/DNszrVJ.jpg)
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http://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/28epq5/tifu_by_peeing_too_hard/
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Whenever I rush to the bathroom, I sometimes have this weird irrational fear when plunking down on the toilet that I may have accidentally gone into the ladies room.
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http://www.nydailynews.com/new-york/queens/feces-shoots-toilets-homes-queens-village-sudden-flooding-article-1.1842628
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Whenever I rush to the bathroom, I sometimes have this weird irrational fear when plunking down on the toilet that I may have accidentally gone into the ladies room.
I have an irrational fear of being attacked from behind while using the urinal. Boardwalk Empire and Fargo have both had urinal attack scenes in recent memory and have fed into this fear.
Think about it. It's pretty much the most defenseless position to be in during the course of a normal day. Dick's out, you're facing the wall, the floor might be slippery, etc.
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I saw an earwig swimming in my toilet a few years ago. I always have to inspect before I sit now. I've never encountered such a thing again, but I still always check.
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I saw an earwig swimming in my toilet a few years ago. I always have to inspect before I sit now. I've never encountered such a thing again, but I still always check.
freak. Now i will too.
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Eh, it's not the ones swimming in the toilet you have to worry about, it's the ones walking across your head while you sleep. Why do you think they're called earwigs and not arsewigs?
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One of my childhood cats used to occasionally leave dead birds/squirrels/chipmunks in the toilet. (He was able to jump up and open the sliding door in the kitchen to the backyard. So he could come and go as he pleased)
Guess it conditioned me to always look in the toilet before sitting. Can't imagine not. Just for general reasons (ie no poop)
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Eh, it's not the ones swimming in the toilet you have to worry about, it's the ones walking across your head while you sleep. Why do you think they're called earwigs and not arsewigs?
Seafood, when he gets old.
(http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_RPS679wXewI/TEmyLBD5x9I/AAAAAAAAEss/IpxnrdVm4Y0/s1600/earwig.jpg)
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Eh, it's not the ones swimming in the toilet you have to worry about, it's the ones walking across your head while you sleep. Why do you think they're called earwigs and not arsewigs?
I totally didn't need to know this.
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I totally didn't need to know this.
They rarely get caught in someone's ear. They bury their larva first and then the larva burrows into your brain.
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Walked into my bathroom and approached my porcelain throne early this AM to find that some asshat had sprinkled what appeared to be a first-ful of derriere pubes all over the seat.
Needless to say, I was not happy.
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They rarely get caught in someone's ear. They bury their larva first and then the larva burrows into your brain.
Tommy's nightmares are getting worse and worse with each passing post.
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Walked into my bathroom and approached my porcelain throne early this AM to find that some asshat had sprinkled what appeared to be a first-ful of derriere pubes all over the seat.
Needless to say, I was not happy.
I don't understand, how can there be unidentified derriere pubes in your own bathroom?
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I don't understand, how can there be unidentified derriere pubes in your own bathroom?
*my floor's bathroom at work.
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*my floor's bathroom at work.
Awful. I've seen a few shitters (usually public places) that looked like a gorilla shaved his derriere on the seat.
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Awful. I've seen a few shitters (usually public places) that looked like a gorilla shaved his derriere on the seat.
This actually looked intentional. Like a cluster of butt-pubes that were pulled from someone's derriere and then neatly placed on the seat. Some people...
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Probably not latrine talk, but since you're talking about asshair:
I work with a guy that is probably the single biggest freaking slob I have ever seen. He has a small trimmer, yesterday during the US match the mother fucker is trimming his nose and ear hair in the middle of the office floor. Oh course he also shaved and clipped his finger nails that flew all over the place. Here check this out as well:
3 pics for an example, this is a relatively new carpet at work:
Mine:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/Miamipuck/Work/myfloor_zps2b4764b3.jpeg)
The slob:
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/Miamipuck/Work/myfloor3_zps2e175595.jpeg)
(http://img.photobucket.com/albums/0903/Miamipuck/Work/myfloor2_zpsaa40cd89.jpeg)
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What in the hell is he doing to that carpet?
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I just checked the carpet under my desk/chair with that of my predecessor. Similar difference, though not as bad as that guy's.
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What in the hell is he doing to that carpet?
I have no idea, I seriously can't begin to tell you how much of a slob he is.
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What in the hell is he doing to that carpet?
(http://meta.filesmelt.com/downloader.php?file=Dog-wipping-ass2.gif)
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(http://i.imgur.com/CVEnofG.gif)
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Is that a sewage pipe or just a water pipe?
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Is that a sewage pipe or just a water pipe?
Anything is possible with the power of the imagination.
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Sorry, it's on a freeway. It's water.
Sent from my SGH-I317M using Tapatalk
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So for part of my physical I have to take some stool samples over 3 days. Should be fun.
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I have to take some stool samples over 3 days. Should be fun.
Hopefully you made friends and they will let you collect their scat.
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(http://img.tapatalk.com/d/14/07/22/6e7etytu.jpg)
Taking my babies on a tram ride.
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...
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(http://i.imgur.com/RIns3FX.gif)
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(http://i.imgur.com/RIns3FX.gif)
the second best Parks and Rec blooper, maybe third
I think I laughed the hardest at the Kim Kardashian comeback story and Aubrey Plaza making the dog talk
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Just wanted to let everyone know:
(http://forums.waterwolves.com/uploads/post-2784-1187834612.jpg)
(http://cdn1.arkive.org/media/78/78514FA0-A1BE-4AC5-AF90-1437F831449C/Presentation.Large/Head-of-Malaysian-giant-turtle.jpg)
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Some Filipino dude finished taking a dump in the can, just as i was walking in to take a pee.
I fought back tears
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On Friday night I had a burger, corndog, wings, pizza and beer. I think I took 5 shits yesterday.
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So for part of my physical I have to take some stool samples over 3 days. Should be fun.
Were they able to pull an analysis out of all the semen?
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Went running a couple of times while I was at my folks' house last week. They live out in the countryside, and so when I felt the overwhelming need for a excrement while a few miles into my run it was very easy to hop into a field and take an open air excrement under a tree. It was a highly liberating feeling.
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Went running a couple of times while I was at my folks' house last week. They live out in the countryside, and so when I felt the overwhelming need for a excrement while a few miles into my run it was very easy to hop into a field and take an open air excrement under a tree. It was a highly liberating feeling.
how rustic
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Went running a couple of times while I was at my folks' house last week. They live out in the countryside, and so when I felt the overwhelming need for a excrement while a few miles into my run it was very easy to hop into a field and take an open air excrement under a tree. It was a highly liberating feeling.
I hope you wiped with poison ivy.
-
JE will be shitting like a Chinese tourist in no time.
-
I hope you wiped with poison ivy.
a) there's no poison ivy in the UK
b) I had TP in my pocket, I'm not a peasant.
-
Last time I excrement in the woods I just used a nice broad leaf. Must have been sometime in the '90s.
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Next stop, supermarket!
(http://i.imgur.com/Th6IzEl.gif)
-
(http://i.imgur.com/xAJhsup.jpg)
-
you brought TP with you specifically so you could take a excrement in the woods?
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Always carry TP in case of just such a scenario. I don't know how much distance running you've done but it is well known for its laxative effect.
-
clearly i've never run any distance. i walk and jog short distances and complain the entire time.
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I just took a dump. Reminded me of the game last night.
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I just took a dump. Reminded me of the game last night.
If you took one on yourself then it would be exactly what the Jets did to us last night.
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If you took one on yourself then it would be exactly what the Jets did to us last night.
I woke up and it was there next to me. In the bed. I am white Geno.
-
I have an irrational fear of being attacked from behind while using the urinal. Boardwalk Empire and Fargo have both had urinal attack scenes in recent memory and have fed into this fear.
Think about it. It's pretty much the most defenseless position to be in during the course of a normal day. Dick's out, you're facing the wall, the floor might be slippery, etc.
And at least one of your hands is busy holding your junk. Unless you're that freak who stands at the urinal and goes hands-free. That I can't understand for the life of me.
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And at least one of your hands is busy holding your junk. Unless you're that freak who stands at the urinal and goes hands-free. That I can't understand for the life of me.
Those with really small weiners have to aim with one hand, everyone knows a shorter barrel is less accurate then a longer one.
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Those with really small weiners have to aim with one hand, everyone knows a shorter barrel is less accurate then a longer one.
If I don't take it in one hand it flop halfway down my leg. Care for your junk.
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I have one of these for my wiener.
(http://i.walmartimages.com/i/p/00/04/43/65/00/0004436500832_500X500.jpg)
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the faggotry is strong in here.
-
the faggotry is strong in here.
Yeah because you just posted.
-
Yeah because you just posted.
Says the excrement piece with the bundle of sticks avitar ;D
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Says the excrement piece with the bundle of sticks avitar ;D
Well you're one of the six.
-
(http://i.imgur.com/t2djEDp.jpg)
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hahah what
-
prrrt
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hahah what
The only explanation for the state of public restrooms.
-
The only explanation for the state of public restrooms.
I thought it was a sketch of Tommy.
-
I thought it was a sketch of Tommy.
Nope. The dude in the drawing doesn't have his mouth on a glory hole.
-
(http://i.imgur.com/4tNPLQo.jpg)
-
Damn. That's gotta be the equivalent of sticking your dick in the pool drain.
-
(http://i.imgur.com/4tNPLQo.jpg)
That has to be photoshopped, right?
And those things are awesome, but not for my penis.
-
That has to be photoshopped, right?
And those things are awesome, but not for my penis.
Most likely someone put that sticker there as a joke.
-
Airprrrrt. Engage.
-
https://twitter.com/search?f=realtime&q=%23fartrape&src=typd
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https://twitter.com/search?f=realtime&q=%23fartrape&src=typd
I found this:
http://thewaterpipe.wordpress.com/2013/12/22/can-a-fart-be-misogynist/
"Ashleigh Ingle a proud feminist and an anarchist argued that because of patriarchal gender norms women were not allowed to release gas in public because of men’s unreal expectations of women to be clean and feminine. Furthermore she articulated that if a woman was to fart in the presence of a man and the man responded by farting louder than the woman, than that would be rape."
-
So I guess if I take a dump in a Walmart bathroom (unlike MBGreen) and run someone out with the smell, that's gay rape.
-
(http://i.imgur.com/fiXYyDA.png)
-
My dog has raped me twice in the last hour, once without even waking up.
-
My dog has raped me twice in the last hour, once without even waking up.
I hear you brother. My dog............fart-raped me..........too (bursts into tears).
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So I guess if I take a dump in a Walmart bathroom (unlike MBGreen) and run someone out with the smell, that's gay rape.
Walmart is no Beer Authority.
/shitters
-
Thanksgiving's revenge sounds like a machine gun.
-
Thanksgiving did produce a shart, so there's that.
-
Went to a new bar last night. They have a scotch bonnet sauce for their wings, so of course I had to try it and blimey was it ever hot. The resulting arse pain this morning left me wondering whether it was all worth it.
-
Every year one of our vendors takes us out to Del Frisco's. I just got back and drop a huge log in the crapper. I'm also quite inebriated, which is nice.
-
Trying to figure out what I had at the bar that caused me to have green poop. I think it was the nachos.
-
Trying to figure out what I had at the bar that caused me to have green poop. I think it was the nachos.
Jalapenos and asparagus do that to me all the time. I think they use food coloring to make them look unnaturally green.
-
I definitely had some sliced jalapenos but not as many as one would think necessary to color that much poop.
-
I definitely had some sliced jalapenos but not as many as one would think necessary to color that much poop.
Any nachos? Sometime they dye the tortilla chips red and black. Never seen green though. Poo mystery.
-
Yeah, it was the multicolored nachos.
-
So last night I had a smorgasbord of party leftovers. Big bowl of sliced roast beef and sausage w/peppers, followed it up with a bowl of wasabi potato salad w/bacon and some empanadas. It's gonna be a long morning.
-
So last night I had a smorgasbord of party leftovers. Big bowl of sliced roast beef and sausage w/peppers, followed it up with a bowl of wasabi potato salad w/bacon and some empanadas. It's gonna be a long morning.
If it was green wasabi, you could be having a repeat poop performance. But this time it will burn twice.
-
Burned but no green,
-
(https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5Ktsp7CcAAXryl.jpg)
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2 dumps so far....productive day.
-
(http://gifs.gifme.io/i/f78c17680b.jpg)
-
I just destroyed the bathroom with the On The Border I discussed in the Phartz thread.
-
I just destroyed the bathroom with the On The Border I discussed in the Phartz thread.
(http://media20.giphy.com/media/JEWCNWQ4NTeJa/giphy.gif?w=320)
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Three rough dumps today as of 2 PM. Thanks, lamb vindaloo.
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Three rough dumps today as of 2 PM. Thanks, lamb vindaloo.
Sounds like you went to Shilla's.
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I had a stomach virus right before Christmas and for 3 days I was exactly like Kenny's dad in South Park when he drank that abortion cocktail. And I hadn't puked a single time, whether alcohol or illness, since 2004 until then.
-
(http://cdn29.elitedaily.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/01/facebook-convo-cheating-gf-probably-fake-elite-daily-3.jpg)
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That is brilliant.
-
http://us.tomonews.net/187671852072960?utm_source=Facebook+NMAtv&utm_medium=Social&utm_campaign=0202+whale+crap+next+to+divers
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Spent 2 days running to the toilet for nothing more than an explosive fart with what I can only imagine were small bits of my colon.
FU Pad Thai.
We will meet again.
-
Spent 2 days running to the toilet for nothing more than an explosive fart with what I can only imagine were small bits of my colon.
FU Pad Thai.
We will meet again.
The Orient Express. Rough.
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Spent 2 days running to the toilet for nothing more than an explosive fart with what I can only imagine were small bits of my colon.
FU Pad Thai.
We will meet again.
Have Tommy take you to Shilla's.
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Tim Horton's coffee this morning. Almost didn't make it to the can afterward.
Sour dump with a spicy thai stench and a hint of mint.
Casualties should be high.
-
Ate my weight in excellent Mexican food last night with what can only be described as face melt sauce. Finished the night with some Anderson Valley Hop Ottin' IPA. Didn't even make it through my colon this morning. Feels like I just excrement my heart out and it was on fire Temple of Doom style.
Sent from my toilet using Cacatalk
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Ate my weight in excellent Mexican food last night with what can only be described as face melt sauce. Finished the night with some Anderson Valley Hop Ottin' IPA. Didn't even make it through my colon this morning. Feels like I just excrement my heart out and it was on fire Temple of Doom style.
Sent from my toilet using Cacatalk
Where did you go? I could use some good burns twice Mexican food next time I'm in SoCal.
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Where did you go? I could use some good burns twice Mexican food next time I'm in SoCal.
Just our local takeout Mexican food. If you want the best, though, go to Cactus in Hollywood. It's a shack on the corner of a parking lot. Just a walk up window and some benches outside. Still my favorite tacos anywhere.
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Just our local takeout Mexican food. If you want the best, though, go to Cactus in Hollywood. It's a shack on the corner of a parking lot. Just a walk up window and some benches outside. Still my favorite tacos anywhere.
Thanks. Will check it out the next time we go.
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http://theconcourse.deadspin.com/brooklyn-man-takes-big-ol-dump-outside-supermarket-1683718372
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I had a chocolate and banana milkshake for breakfast. Currently nuking a hospital bathroom.
-
I had to take my son to the crapper at lunch today. He's 3. He let out a machine gun crap/fart. Another guy in there started laughing. Precious moments.
-
(http://i.imgur.com/7mOL1uO.jpg)
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(http://img0.joyreactor.com/pics/post/funny-pictures-4chan-auto-462808.jpeg)
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Stolen from reddit:
After 6 months of methadone my poop turned into rock hard logs. Every morning I would have to insert a suppository and wait for it to melt into lube. Then I would get some inhalants and huff to near blackout. Only then was I prepared for the pain I was about to endure. It took so much willpower just to push through the pain to get a turtle head, the next push would get it fully crowned and I had to huff more to keep from passing out from the pain. The final push was not so bad because all the stretching was done, but I could feel the length of the log exiting, scraping nerve endings as it passed. Once the log was out I would sit still and enjoy the waves of relief my now heavily bleeding poopchute felt as it slowly retracted to normal size. After letting it bleed for a bit and catching my breath I was ready for a baby wipe and my day to start. Only to live a cycle of fear knowing that I was going to have to do it all again in the morning. I can still remember the worst one, just getting that bastard to crown took 20 minutes of huffing, deep breathing, and micro-pushes just to get it positioned for the real push. It sat in the toilet, covered in blood, and refusing to flush because of how dense and long it was. I had to break it up into pieces to get it to flush.
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^ #realtalk
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That would be appropriate for the Horrible and depressing thread.
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(https://lh6.googleusercontent.com/-itFYl1HLCYk/VQCY2I8ZdkI/AAAAAAAACQI/DgIQ-PCab0o/s350/2015-03-11.jpg)
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You should see my kid's dump face. He looks like a drama student running through his emotional scales.
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You should see my kid's dump face. He looks like a drama student running through his emotional scales.
When my kid had baby dumpface, he'd get a "deer in the headlights" look, then his face would turn red, he'd let out a machine gun excrement, then his face color would return.
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When my kid had baby dumpface, he'd get a "deer in the headlights" look, then his face would turn red, he'd let out a machine gun excrement, then his face color would return.
Pretty much this.
Frustration
Anger
Strained red face
PRRRT
Relief
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Pretty much this.
Frustration
Anger
Confusion
Strained red face
PRRRT
Relief
threw in an extra step
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I'd put confusion before anger.
Actually I'd put it first.
-
http://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/akron-ohio-police-seek-man-who-defecated-cars-19-times-n322246 (http://www.nbcnews.com/news/crime-courts/akron-ohio-police-seek-man-who-defecated-cars-19-times-n322246)
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(http://media.cleveland.com/akron/photo/17235625-large.jpg)
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Lmao
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I'm going to be late to work. My insides are dying.
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I'm going to be late to work. My insides are dying.
You need Dunkin Donuts coffee STAT!
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Looks like MB's work have finally cottoned on to him:
(http://i.imgur.com/XzHCy50.jpg)
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nsfl
(http://i.imgur.com/6bnzT78.gif)
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nooooo
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Looks like MB's work have finally cottoned on to him:
(http://i.imgur.com/XzHCy50.jpg)
*shudder*
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From Reddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2zot2p/whats_the_grossest_thing_you_and_your_so_do/cpkw0vj
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Something has wrecked my stomach. I may have to watch the draft on the pooper.
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From Reddit:
http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/2zot2p/whats_the_grossest_thing_you_and_your_so_do/cpkw0vj
What the freak.
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(http://images.tapatalk-cdn.com/15/05/05/20595223f7246f80127079592b07c375.jpg)
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Nothing caps off a productive day like a solid bowel movement. *prrrrt*
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Nothing caps off a productive day like a solid bowel movement. *prrrrt*
Just to be clear your talking about your posts.
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Just to be clear your talking about your posts.
Henrik Lundqvist is back on the list.
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Etiquette question: while standing at the urinal in a bathroom with others present, do you consider it acceptable to issue loud and smelly farts without apology or mention? I say yes, that it's entirely appropriate to do so in there, but my friend reckons that you should go into a stall to do it.
What say you?
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Etiquette question: while standing at the urinal in a bathroom with others present, do you consider it acceptable to issue loud and smelly farts without apology or mention? I say yes, that it's entirely appropriate to do so in there, but my friend reckons that you should go into a stall to do it.
What say you?
I'm with you on this. Going in the stall just to fart is dumb, they can still hear it and probably smell it if it's a stinker. The no talking or eye contact rule should never be broken in a men's bathroom, ever, so definitely no need to say anything about it.
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Etiquette question: while standing at the urinal in a bathroom with others present, do you consider it acceptable to issue loud and smelly farts without apology or mention? I say yes, that it's entirely appropriate to do so in there, but my friend reckons that you should go into a stall to do it.
What say you?
freak that. The bathroom is the one place where you can do it without saying anything. Urinal is no exception.
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Why would I say anything to anyone in a bathroom? If I'm gonna fart, I'm gonna fart. There's only one thing that bothers me in a bathroom other than a line, and that's the guy talking on his cell phone while he's in there.
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There's a writer in one of our divisions that doesn't seem to be all there. He walks with a limp, eyes seem a little crossed, and talks to himself in the bathroom. While he's in the stall you can hear him saying mundane excrement to himself like he's rain man. It's really disturbing. Thought it was a guy on the phone the first time.
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Why would I say anything to anyone in a bathroom? If I'm gonna fart, I'm gonna fart. There's only one thing that bothers me in a bathroom other than a line, and that's the guy talking on his cell phone while he's in there.
I see that all the time people talking on a cell while they're taking a dump or pissing. I make sure to flush the toilet or something to let the person on the other end know they're talking to a disgusting pig.
Btw there was one prominent guy that we all know here that did this to me and I hung up on him. He was flabbergasted and found it funny.
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Etiquette question: while standing at the urinal in a bathroom with others present, do you consider it acceptable to issue loud and smelly farts without apology or mention? I say yes, that it's entirely appropriate to do so in there, but my friend reckons that you should go into a stall to do it.
What say you?
I think it's fine either way. Depends on whether you like to blast farts or just release them silently. How could any real man be offended if someone farts out loud around them? At least it warns you to run.
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I issued a fart while standing at the urinal on friday. My boss walked in just as i let it go.
Zero fucks were given.
Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk
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Just blew up the airport crapper. You're welcome Norfolk.
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Just blew up the airport crapper. You're welcome Norfolk.
TERRORISM
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TERRORISM
Guilty as charged.
You know a toilet has seen some things when the seat has wear marks.
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Moral question: which is worse.......parking in a handicapped spot when you aren't handicapped or taking a handicapped crapper when you aren't handicapped?
I'll have to admit, I've done the latter many times.
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Handicapped parking space is worse, the handicapped stall is fair game if all other stalls are full and no cripples are waiting.
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I never thought twice about using a handicapped stall.
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Anybody ever get called out on using the handistall?
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I haven't, but I've heard stories.
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If I ever get called out for using the handicapped stall, I will just do my best Walter Jr. impression.
-
I'd feel pretty bad if some handicapped dude had to wait to drop anchor because I'm an poopchute. I've still done it though.
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If I ever get called out for using the handicapped stall, I will just do my best Simple Jack impression.
FYP
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I'd feel pretty bad if some handicapped dude had to wait to drop anchor because I'm an poopchute. I've still done it though.
If you're using it because there are no other stalls available then it's fair enough. If you're using it because it's closest to the door and you like the extra space, you're an poopchute.
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If you're using it because there are no other stalls available then it's fair enough. If you're using it because it's closest to the door and you like the extra space, you're an poopchute.
I'm an poopchute. Sometimes.
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I'm an poopchute. Sometimes.
Just strike up a conversation with them, once they hear you talk they'll assume you're a bit simple and it's all good.
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Just strike up a conversation with them, once they hear you talk they'll assume you're a bit simple and it's all good.
Which brings up an interesting point: how can you tell if a Southerner is actually retarded?
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I never thought twice about using a handicapped stall.
Same here, it's like having a suite at a Hotel. I am an poopchute admittedly, so flame away I don't give a crap, literally and figuratively.
-
Which brings up an interesting point: how can you tell if a Southerner is actually retarded?
You can't.
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Which brings up an interesting point: how can you tell if a Southerner is actually retarded?
Stupid knows no accent.
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You can't.
You mean stupid, like staying in freaking Nova Scotia to go to a Jets game?
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You mean stupid, like staying in freaking Nova Scotia to go to a Jets game?
Who did that?
You mean actually taking 5 hours to get a taxi in New York.
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Who did that?
You mean actually taking 5 hours to get a taxi in New York.
Joke's on you. I still never got the taxi.
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That excrement was really funny.
-
Just wrecked a handicapped stall in a children's museum. There's a special place in hell for me.
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We're starved for time lately so we've been eating a lot of garbage. Last night, we had some Bird's Eye frozen dinner fajitas. Taco Bell doesn't send me to the bathroom. This stuff? I just destroyed the bathroom at work. I'm pretty sure the main ingredient is grease and the second is salmonella.
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We're starved for time lately so we've been eating a lot of garbage. Last night, we had some Bird's Eye frozen dinner fajitas. Taco Bell doesn't send me to the bathroom. This stuff? I just destroyed the bathroom at work. I'm pretty sure the main ingredient is grease and the second is salmonella.
Oh man MB will be on this like white on rice.
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Oh man MB will be on this like white on rice.
Honestly, it was my idea to try it. I love fake Mexican food and it seemed like a good idea for a quick meal. I was so horribly wrong and it had about as much flavor as paper.
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At least you learned your lesson. NEVER eat frozen burros (or anything mexican). Nothing good will ever come of it.
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At least you learned your lesson. NEVER eat frozen burros (or anything mexican). Nothing good will ever come of it.
I'm amused by the image of frozen burros.
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I'm amused by the image of frozen burros.
These are OK for the most part. BYOS(alsa).
(http://cdn1.viewpoints.com/pro-product-photos/000/013/352/300/1200504319-20364_full.jpg)
And I googled 'the image of frozen burros' and wasn't all that amused.
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At least you learned your lesson. NEVER eat frozen burros (or anything mexican). Nothing good will ever come of it.
They weren't even frozen fajitas. It's a bag full of the veggies, rice, and chicken with "sauce" that you heat up and put into your own soft taco shells. I figured "what's the harm?"
Now I know.
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Holy excrement. I just had throne check part 2. It was a 3-flusher. Awful. I could smell the peppers.
-
http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/teen-toilet-phobia-dies-holding-months-article-1.2277796
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http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/teen-toilet-phobia-dies-holding-months-article-1.2277796
How the freak did her parents let her get to that point? What the freak.
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(http://images.huffingtonpost.com/2013-10-14-tumblr_lpxbcrX7YD1qhatbno1_500.gif)
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I may have to watch this game from the crapper. Something wrecked my innards.
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What's with the Ewoks
-
What's with the Ewoks
wat
-
http://www.foxnews.com/health/2015/08/31/man-suffering-from-constipation-for-10-years-has-11-pound-stool-removed/
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I've been eating well lately until last night. Went out to the bar and got some wings, which were not very good at all. I ate them anyway because I like to eat. Just had one of those dumps where you think you are done, then keep getting hit with excrement urges that make you sit back down. I call it a excrement tease. I thought I was done about 8 times.
"Oh yeah, you're done. No you're not poopchute, sit back down."
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(http://s3.amazonaws.com/theoatmeal-img/comics/minor_differences6/restroom.png)
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Why do public restrooms need a 37inch gap between the door and the wall?
Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk
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Why do public restrooms need a 37inch gap between the door and the wall?
Sent from my LG-D852 using Tapatalk
What do you mean?
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http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/5242482677.html
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http://deadspin.com/mma-fighter-in-choke-taps-out-shits-himself-leaks-shi-1734797210
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I walked into a sour excrement cloud in our company washroom 10 mins ago.
My sense of smell has been destroyed.
Kudos to the gent who unleashed that stench....quality workmanship.
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There is nothing more comfortable than having to excrement when you're alone with kids and all you hear is insanity (no idea what it is), and then, when I have to wipe, my youngest trying to get into the bathroom (I have to leave the door open a little, just in case I have to spring to action), and I have to do it with one of my feet against the back of the door so she can't get in the room, lovely.
Seriously, freak anyone on this site that doesn't have to put up with this excrement. Enjoy your silence and alone time, you freak sticks.
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There is nothing more comfortable than having to excrement when you're alone with kids and all you hear is insanity (no idea what it is), and then, when I have to wipe, my youngest trying to get into the bathroom (I have to leave the door open a little, just in case I have to spring to action), and I have to do it with one of my feet against the back of the door so she can't get in the room, lovely.
Seriously, freak anyone on this site that doesn't have to put up with this excrement. Enjoy your silence and alone time, you freak sticks.
(http://img.pandawhale.com/45325-cat-taking-a-dump-in-a-toilet-d6y3.gif)
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There is nothing more comfortable than having to excrement when you're alone with kids and all you hear is insanity (no idea what it is), and then, when I have to wipe, my youngest trying to get into the bathroom (I have to leave the door open a little, just in case I have to spring to action), and I have to do it with one of my feet against the back of the door so she can't get in the room, lovely.
Seriously, freak anyone on this site that doesn't have to put up with this excrement. Enjoy your silence and alone time, you freak sticks.
I thought I was the only one. I've perfected the speed dump. My son likes to come in and hang out while I'm in there. I don't even care anymore.
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I thought I was the only one. I've perfected the speed dump. My son likes to come in and hang out while I'm in there. I don't even care anymore.
I got girls. I'm not comfortable wiping myself in front of them. I'll actually excrement in front of them (freak, I cleaned their excrement a thousand times) but, once I'm off the bowl, I want them out. At this point, it's really only the younger one that tries to repeatedly come in, the older one will do it because it's funny, I guess.
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Went a bit OTT with the Dave's Insanity Sauce last night and my ringpiece is paying the price.
-
Went a bit OTT with the Dave's Insanity Sauce last night and my ringpiece is paying the price.
(https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/85/31/8d/85318d60d3a2d98dd884ab6d912e3628.jpg)
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You're not wrong. Everyone has their tolerance levels for chilli heat, and Dave's Insanity is a bit outside mine.
-
I have hot wings and hot sauce here and there but never understood the craze behind ultra hot sauces. All you do is sweat, cry, and excrement fire. There is no 'flavor'
It's like asking someone to light you on fire because you like saunas
-
I have hot wings and hot sauce here and there but never understood the craze behind ultra hot sauces. All you do is sweat, cry, and excrement fire. There is no 'flavor'
It's like asking someone to light you on fire because you like saunas
That's not true, there's a lot of flavour in many of these sauces. When you have one that's hotter than you can handle, the heat outweighs the flavour and all you taste is pain. The trick is to find your level and then enjoy the balance.
Last night I was outside of my zone and it was more heat than flavour.
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Insanity sauce is awesome. I like putting a few drops into some Mac and Cheese.
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freak that excrement, I drank a shot glass of that Dave's Insanity sauce and freaking thought someone took a blow torch to my mouth. freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak freak
My wife was laughing her derriere off at me.
-
Cracker - Extra Sharp Cheddar (aged Cabot preferred) - Couple Drops of Insanity (or similar sauce) - Slice of Claussen Pickle (dill)
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Christmas dump, human?
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Went a bit overboard with the ghost pepper sauce on my wings last night while drunk. My ringpiece is paying a painful price this morning.
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hahahaha
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For all of you heterosexually challenged folks that sit on Pee:
Fox News Report (the link is kosher) - It's a legit link safe for work. (http://www.foxnews.com/health/2016/01/07/what-really-happens-if-sit-on-pee.html?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+feedburner%2FtHoDO+%28FOXNews.com%29)
What really happens if you sit on pee?
The situation: You have to go really badly; you run into a public restroom, barely have time to lock the stall and unbutton your pants before plopping down on the toilet seat, which it turns out is covered with...someone else's pee. (Find out if it's bad to hold your pee.)
What you're worried about: "I'm going to get crabs! Genital herpes! Chlamydia! HPV! Syphilis! AIDS!!!"
For the rest of article go to the link
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Taking a excrement at work, forgot to lock the stall, and someone walked in on me. My head was down texting so didn't see who it was. It was pretty funny.
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Taking a excrement at work, forgot to lock the stall, and someone walked in on me. My head was down texting so didn't see who it was. It was pretty funny.
As I said earlier, Tommy posts never let me down.
How the hell did you forget to lock the stall?
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As I said earlier, Tommy posts never let me down.
How the hell did you forget to lock the stall?
Really hungover today, and moved the little metal thing the wrong way, door was shut so assumed it was locked. Plus I was texting.
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MASSIVE thunderpoop today.
The first fart you cut when the initial turd is about to fly was a sonic boom
Sent from my SM-G900W8 using Tapatalk
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(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160120/5b186b1225e55d69d32100dd253fc912.jpg)
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(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160120/5b186b1225e55d69d32100dd253fc912.jpg)
hahahahaha
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Just came out of the bathroom. My stomach unleashed hellish fury in response to the awful food choices I made locked inside all weekend. Someone actually came in while I was shitting and loudly went "Agh!"
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I'm at Disney World. My stomach just adjusted to the shitty intake all at once this afternoon. I was sweating on the crapper. Barely made it back before exploding.
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(http://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20160128/3ca8711f850a141d1c3fd5703ed716f5.jpg)
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Hahahaha
-
Hahahaha stealing that
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street tacos are delicious doe
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They're absolutely fine here in NYC.
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I've had surprisingly few dumps since eating like Badger here at Disney World. I have a flight home tomorrow. The stars are not aligning for a pleasant trip home.
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I've had surprisingly few dumps since eating like Badger here at Disney World. I have a flight home tomorrow. The stars are not aligning for a pleasant trip home.
I usually have the opposite problem. When I eat a lot of crap I get constipated and it sucks worse.
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I usually have the opposite problem. When I eat a lot of crap I get constipated and it sucks worse.
What goes in must come out. Even if it's all at once in Orlando's airport. If you hear reports on the news of some sort of biological stink bomb attack at an airport, it was fun knowing you assholes.
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i just shat out a turd the length of my forearm. I wanted to take it to a taxidermist to have it mounted, and auctioned off at the next tailgate.
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Something didn't agree with my innards. My derriere is a sprinkler.
-
Just went to Best Buy and my son had to use the bathroom. Men's room was partially coned off because someone had stuffed paper towels in the urinal, excrement in it, and flushed.
There were 3 stalls and 2 urinals. The guy had to do it knowing he'd be in plain sight of anyone who walked in.
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Probably a new employee. When his manager said "go take that excrement to the urinal", he simply meant hang up a Westinghouse TV in the bathroom.
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Ok who took a dump in the bidet?
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Ever since i put my notice in at work....i stopped flushing after taking a excrement at the office.
There's nothing I love more than the taste of cum.
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Ever since i put my notice in at work....i stopped flushing after taking a excrement at the office.
There's nothing I love more than the taste of cum.
Next step: Upper deckers. Then urinal deuces.
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Next step: Upper deckers. Then urinal deuces.
BAU
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http://i.imgur.com/iGWQO4S.gif
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http://i.imgur.com/iGWQO4S.gif
MBGreen home movies
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One of the security guards eats his breakfast (small Tupperware of oatmeal) in the bathroom, often at the same time I'm taking my 8:30 dump. He needs to find a new spot.
How can you eat in the same room someone is shitting in?
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One of the security guards eats his breakfast (small Tupperware of oatmeal) in the bathroom, often at the same time I'm taking my 8:30 dump. He needs to find a new spot.
How can you eat in the same room someone is shitting in?
Damn that's nasty.
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One of the security guards eats his breakfast (small Tupperware of oatmeal) in the bathroom, often at the same time I'm taking my 8:30 dump. He needs to find a new spot.
How can you eat in the same room someone is shitting in?
The freak? He just stands there while people walk in and out taking pisses and dumps? That's really fuckn weird. It's even nasty when people leave their coffee or drinks on the sink while taking a pee or dump.
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The freak? He just stands there while people walk in and out taking pisses and dumps? That's really fuckn weird. It's even nasty when people leave their coffee or drinks on the sink while taking a pee or dump.
He places it by the sink and eats it as he is getting ready for his shift.
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One of the security guards eats his breakfast (small Tupperware of oatmeal) in the bathroom, often at the same time I'm taking my 8:30 dump. He needs to find a new spot.
How can you eat in the same room someone is shitting in?
America is disgusting
-
America is disgusting
You would know after eating at BWW in NJ.
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You would know after eating at BWW in NJ.
it was Bo's pick.
-
it was Bo's pick.
It was raining and it was close by. The one where I live is OK. I still regret it.
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It was raining and it was close by. The one where I live is OK. I still regret it.
I'm not blaming you...Badge has this thing where he automatically assumes it's me when bad food is involved.
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I'm not blaming you...Badge has this thing where he automatically assumes it's me when bad food is involved.
Maybe, just maybe, because it usually is.
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Maybe, just maybe, because it usually is.
you are wrong.
seems to be your pattern lately.
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One of the security guards eats his breakfast (small Tupperware of oatmeal) in the bathroom, often at the same time I'm taking my 8:30 dump. He needs to find a new spot.
How can you eat in the same room someone is shitting in?
I want to say this is one of the single most disgusting things I have ever read, it turns my stomach. He should know that there's excrement and pee particles in the air when someone takes a dumps or takes a pee.
You should have put this in the horrible thread.
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you are wrong.
seems to be your pattern lately.
Blah blah blah
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If it's any consolation he doesn't do it every day. Maybe twice a week tops.
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If it's any consolation he doesn't do it every day. Maybe twice a week tops.
What I find funny is that he's health conscious enough to have oatmeal in the morning, but doesn't mind eating it in the most unsanitary place possible.
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What I find funny is that he's health conscious enough to have oatmeal in the morning, but doesn't mind eating it in the most unsanitary place possible.
It's mind boggling how disgusting it is.
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I want to say this is one of the single most disgusting things I have ever read, it turns my stomach. He should know that there's excrement and pee particles in the air when someone takes a dumps or takes a pee.
You should have put this in the horrible thread.
Mythbusters debunked this in their first season.
Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk
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(http://img.diply.com/article-images/a/19266a23-a8db-4fdc-b49e-5e70dcf5c191.png)
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hahaha
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Beat urinals ever. At a local brewery.(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20170813/801f1829bfdaa393cba4e013994527d8.jpg)
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TOTJ Power Rankings (Hint I wouldn't click it)
https://www.barstoolsports.com/newyork/2017-nfl-preseason-power-rankings
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https://holykaw.alltop.com/japanese-toilet-paper-holder-brilliant
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https://holykaw.alltop.com/japanese-toilet-paper-holder-brilliant
Why
-
Why
Why not
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"Monster 'fatberg' found in east London sewer" - http://in.reuters.com/article/britain-fatberg/monster-fatberg-found-in-east-london-sewer-idINKCN1BN21R
JE strikes again.
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had my leg workout earlier and just finished shoveling my driveway. I have to excrement, but if i sit on the can I may not be able to stand up afterward.
fare thee well
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had my leg workout earlier and just finished shoveling my driveway. I have to excrement, but if i sit on the can I may not be able to stand up afterward.
fare thee well
Carve a hole in your mattress.
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Carve a hole in your mattress.
maybe I'll just eat alot of cheese
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sleep on the crapper
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sleep on the crapper
become sloth?
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become sloth?
you are what you eat.
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you are what you eat.
that's scary
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"Canadian man in Santonio Holmes jersey found dead, stuck to toilet with thin layer of Hawaiian Febreze covering him. News at 11."
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"Canadian man in Santonio Holmes jersey found dead, stuck to toilet with thin layer of Hawaiian Febreze covering him. News at 11."
heard the deceased was quite handsome
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heard the deceased was quite handsome
#fakenews
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#fakenews
lol
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#fakenews
sad!
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Don't eat steel cut oats and sausage balls in the same 12 hour period.
Your soon-to-be-found-dead-on-the-shitter friend, Bo.
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I've been having some issues lately, so I had some of the tea my wife normally drinks. Hello Lebrea tarpits.
Sent from my SM-G935P using Tapatalk
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(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20180307/03c8db676fda9818cdbb262e4f93830a.jpg)
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Awesome.
I think Chad lives at every airport I've ever visited. People taking a excrement in the airport don't give a fuuuuuck.
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Awesome.
I think Chad lives at every airport I've ever visited. People taking a excrement in the airport don't give a fuuuuuck.
Did I ever tell the story about when I took a excrement at St Pancras train station in London? If not I'll have to go and dig it up - I think it's still preserved elsewhere. (The story, not the excrement.)
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James Palmer
Verified account @JamesPalmerTV
UTEP G Will Hernandez, who @MoveTheSticks has as the 25th best player in the draft, just said on @nflnetwork the 1 purchase he’ll make when he gets his first NFL check … one of those fancy toilets where you don’t have to use toilet paper. Said he doesn’t care how much it costs
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James Palmer
Verified account @JamesPalmerTV
UTEP G Will Hernandez, who @MoveTheSticks has as the 25th best player in the draft, just said on @nflnetwork the 1 purchase he’ll make when he gets his first NFL check … one of those fancy toilets where you don’t have to use toilet paper. Said he doesn’t care how much it costs
Draft this beast. Also, invite him to the tailgate.
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https://articles.nj.com/monmouth/index.ssf/2018/05/superintendent_out_out_for_job_relieved_himself_un.amp
Mystery pooper at N.J. high school's track turned out to be superintendent, cops say
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https://articles.nj.com/monmouth/index.ssf/2018/05/superintendent_out_out_for_job_relieved_himself_un.amp
Mystery pooper at N.J. high school's track turned out to be superintendent, cops say
Hahaha 150k a year down the tubes. Lol
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https://nypost.com/2018/05/22/alabama-town-terrorized-by-nyc-poop-train-gets-free-febreze/
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https://nypost.com/2018/05/22/alabama-town-terrorized-by-nyc-poop-train-gets-free-febreze/
can't go wrong with free febreze, right Bo?
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can't go wrong with free febreze, right Bo?
Only Hawaiian Breeze.
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Only Hawaiian Breeze.
You'll take the Lavender and freaking like it.
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Just took a poop so dominant it wouldn’t fit down the toilet on the first flush
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D-backs pitcher Archie Bradley reveals that he pooped his pants during a game
https://www.yahoo.com/amphtml/sports/d-backs-pitcher-archie-bradley-reveals-pooped-pants-game-161129687.html
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Video of MB's weekend at the cottage:
https://i.redd.it/zs8c65ntm9a11.gif
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Video of MB's weekend at the cottage:
https://i.redd.it/zs8c65ntm9a11.gif
Hahaha.
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Video of MB's weekend at the cottage:
https://i.redd.it/zs8c65ntm9a11.gif
freak swim trunks
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Wife is away for a couple of days so made mussels last night. I am shitting through the eye of a needle this morning.
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Nsfw
https://twitter.com/RacismFactory/status/1037570949762179072?s=19
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"New York Jets defensive players look on as Jamal Adams unloads a giant dump on Ford Field"
(https://storage.googleapis.com/afs-prod/media/media:61359f1a694c4acca947be53febddb48/800.jpeg)
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https://www.clippituser.tv/c/nbdvlk
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tk-5RVMerfI
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I just had a two flusher. While I was crapping, someone came in and I heard him mumble "Jesus Christ."
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I just had a two flusher. While I was crapping, someone came in and I heard him mumble "Jesus Christ."
I'm hoping the guy who muttered "Jesus Christ" was bigblocker.
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I'm hoping the guy who muttered "Jesus Christ" was bigblocker.
We don't work on the same floor, so it definitely wasn't him.
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It was him but he was probably checking out pics of Betty White
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(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20181120/4a33df6be38b55b978bcddabd3b5038e.jpg)
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Nothing's better than a good morning dump in peace at work. Ok maybe a some things are better, but it's up there on the list.
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When you have one of those shits so large that it doesn't fully submerge and you wonder if it's going to flush properly and then it does.
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https://lukeoneil.substack.com/p/the-extremely-cursed-boat-flip-turd
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https://youtu.be/Ba8-Vjn2a8c
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Just took a excrement that smelled like low tide. No idea what caused that.
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Just took a excrement that smelled like low tide. No idea what caused that.
Carmines
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https://www.wired.co.uk/article/battle-toilet-workplace
BREAKING NEWS: Say goodbye to comfort breaks! New downward-tilting toilets are designed to become unbearable to sit on after five minutes. They say the main benefit is to employees in improved employee productivity. https://t.co/lfDbeXJdCX
(https://uploads.tapatalk-cdn.com/20191217/8e021ee672ec0086e4fd4311b2eaf571.jpg)
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I'll take that challenge.
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I'll take that challenge.
They’ll have to do better than that....I’ve worked in a gov job for 10+ years.
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My first thought: turn around and sit backwards
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"They say the main benefit is to employees in improved employee productivity."
Yeah, because the first thing I think when I sit on the pot is "I can't wait to get back to my desk and work harder!"
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Coming next - an app that tracks mouse, keyboard and webcam activity and if it detects that the employee might have fallen asleep, fires a jolt of electricity into their arse through wires embedded in the chair. Anything to help us proud little worker bees fulful our pointless corporate destiny, right?
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Coming next - an app that tracks mouse, keyboard and webcam activity and if it detects that the employee might have fallen asleep, fires a jolt of electricity into their arse through wires embedded in the chair. Anything to help us proud little worker bees fulful our pointless corporate destiny, right?
The below quote is from an article in an email from my inbox literally this morning, discussing brain-computer interfaces:
That information may be not only useful to the BCI's users, but it may equally be of interest to their employers, allowing them to keep an eye on how stressed or focused staff are, and adjust employees' environment or workload accordingly.
"If BCI use is seen as enhancing forms of worker efficiency (whether that be using EEG data to help workers meditate or get into a particular psychological state, or if the BCI itself can be used to accomplish tasks such as recognition-based tasks), employers and companies could start pushing their employees to adopt technologies," Richmond Wong, a PhD researcher at the UC Berkley School of Information specialising in BCIs, told ZDNet.
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Gentlemen, I reached nirvana. I wiped a 2nd time, just to make sure, and, yup, clean.
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Gentlemen, I reached nirvana. I wiped a 2nd time, just to make sure, and, yup, clean.
You've pretty much accomplished all you can in this life. You may check out in peace my friend.
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I had burrito with extra hot sauce for lunch yesterday and then wings with a chocolate scorpion sauce for dinner. Today I am shitting fire and it's not fun.
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I had burrito with extra hot sauce for lunch yesterday and then wings with a chocolate scorpion sauce for dinner. Today I am shitting fire and it's not fun.
The next day creeps into your thoughts when enjoying stuff like that. You still eat it though.
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https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/01/with-ingestible-pill-you-can-track-fart-development-in-real-time-on-your-phone/
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https://arstechnica.com/science/2018/01/with-ingestible-pill-you-can-track-fart-development-in-real-time-on-your-phone/
This is the breakthrough we all needed.
-
Saw a case for someone named Latrina the other day.
-
https://nypost.com/2020/01/02/wisconsin-english-teacher-admits-to-repeatedly-pooping-in-local-park/
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The Guardian: John Oliver says he'll donate $55,000 if Connecticut city names sewage plant after him.
https://www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio/2020/aug/31/john-oliver-danbury-connecticut-sewage-plant
Not gonna lie, it would be funny to have a excrement plant named after me.
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I've been watching Oliver the past few weeks. It all started with almost a throwaway joke about Danbury and has become a huge thing. I love it.
-
this beat is crap
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aD-m0q5J2fQ
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I had 2 bowls of steel cut oats yesterday. This morning sounded like July 4th in the crapper.
-
https://twitter.com/SirCamCarter/status/1314675341168910337?s=09
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https://twitter.com/iamcardib/status/1357863603022385152?s=19
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This is old but I can't not post it
https://nypost.com/2019/04/19/creepy-tourist-who-made-flight-attendant-wipe-his-butt-dies-on-vacation/
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This is old but I can't not post it
https://nypost.com/2019/04/19/creepy-tourist-who-made-flight-attendant-wipe-his-butt-dies-on-vacation/
I hate you.
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For your next toilet trip
https://twitter.com/frescaboy/status/1375220512868143105?s=19
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For your next toilet trip
https://twitter.com/frescaboy/status/1375220512868143105?s=19
This better not awaken anything in me...
-
This better not awaken anything in me...
Let's push together.
-
Let's push together.
You're good at this
-
https://pressofatlanticcity.com/news/local/brigantine-man-learns-late-in-life-he-has-the-gift-of-perfect-poop/article_3871d0f2-25a3-5e3f-94c1-4e3d9883c034.amp.html
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https://pressofatlanticcity.com/news/local/brigantine-man-learns-late-in-life-he-has-the-gift-of-perfect-poop/article_3871d0f2-25a3-5e3f-94c1-4e3d9883c034.amp.html
Wish I could turn my excrement into cash.
-
I was just forced to take a speed dump because I have my kids with me at a hotel pool. I had them get out while I dropped anchor. Once again, kids take away another joy from me. I must really love them.
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I was just forced to take a speed dump because I have my kids with me at a hotel pool. I had them get out while I dropped anchor. Once again, kids take away another joy from me. I must really love them.
In fairness, if you're going to excrement in a hotel pool the least you could do is tell the kids to get out first. And it's definitely something you want to do quickly in case someone catches you.
-
In fairness, if you're going to excrement in a hotel pool the least you could do is tell the kids to get out first. And it's definitely something you want to do quickly in case someone catches you.
My wording leaves a bit to be desired.
-
Indian food last night. Thoughts and prayers to my o-ring.
-
Indian food last night. Thoughts and prayers to my o-ring.
(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/22/fa/84/22fa84daaa3514511b67e1740ae801cd.gif)
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(https://i.pinimg.com/originals/22/fa/84/22fa84daaa3514511b67e1740ae801cd.gif)
Vindaloo's good gastronomical juju
-
https://www.theonion.com/ceos-predict-the-future-of-the-metaverse-1848403405/slides/15
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Of course my first office dump in 2 years was of the "it's like wiping a marker" variety
https://youtu.be/vGCIGEUB32M
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Draft morning dump executed. It was a hearty one.
Good signs for the Jets.
-
Draft morning dump executed. It was a hearty one.
Good signs for the Jets.
I had to stop on the way to work and take a dump. It's a sign of unexpected picks in the top 10. It was freaking awful. Stingley at 4 confirmed.
-
Knocking out a pre-draft dump so no distractions.
-
Knocking out a pre-draft dump so no distractions.
People who plan properly have a shitter within viewing range of the TV.
-
People who plan properly have a shitter within viewing range of the TV.
I need to make changes in my life.
-
I need to make changes in my life.
With the door in basement bathroom open I can just look left and watch the TV.
I am considering remodeling the bathroom so that I don't have to turn left.
-
Just put a smart TV in the bathroom.
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I just gave birth to a whiskey-infused turd that I'm sure is emitting high levels of radiation
-
I just gave birth to a whiskey-imbued turd that I'm sure is emitting high levels of radiation
fixed *ducks*
-
My post-draft dump was thunderous. Great closing ceremonies to a productive draft.
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My post-draft dump was thunderous. Great closing ceremonies to a productive draft.
I may be sought for chemical weapons crimes.
-
https://twitter.com/ChrisStephensMD/status/1527808312737030146?t=ektRs-RYDaLHFHlY_CklOQ&s=19
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I just took a dump that may be considered attempted murder. I may have to lay low for a while.
-
https://twitter.com/katehinds/status/1542512505330708481?t=3R1N2GfC3DzMpviWdbHJtg&s=19
-
https://twitter.com/djane_go/status/1548125236607852544?t=SADBWB_VbefzOIJe6X6lPA&s=19
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Birthing an absolute demon right now
-
Birthing an absolute demon right now
From the depths of delevan's chili...
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https://www.ladbible.com/news/british-airways-flight-delay-poop-20221020
-
https://www.ladbible.com/news/british-airways-flight-delay-poop
Descendant of Sir Isaac Newton conducting a scientific demonstration involving Newton's laws of motion; gravitational gratis.
-
Just took a dump that felt like an exorcism
-
Takin a excrement at the airport.
-
Takin a excrement at the airport.
Same.
-
Takin a excrement at the airport.
Same.
knock knock .... "Cato?"
knock knock .... "Cato?"
..................
knock knock ...."Bo?"
knock knock .... "Bo?"
..................
knock knock .... "oops, sorry lady"
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/8/8a/MAN_airport_toilet_6.jpg/360px-MAN_airport_toilet_6.jpg)
-
(https://64.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9p02vVegL1qedb29o1_500.gif)
-
Takin a excrement at the airport.
a horrendous feeling
-
Went to use the bathroom of the fourth floor of the Courthouse to blow my nose.
Someone took a excrement ON TOP OF THE freaking TOILET. Got a good whiff and then a clear look at a pile of excrement. Disgusting.
-
Went to use the bathroom of the fourth floor of the Courthouse to blow my nose.
Someone took a excrement ON TOP OF THE freaking TOILET. Got a good whiff and then a clear look at a pile of excrement. Disgusting.
happy friday!
-
Sounds like a failed upper decker.
-
happy friday!
TGISHIT.
Sounds like a failed upper decker.
A failure in every sense of the word.
-
Summer 2021, I almost died because I couldn't excrement. No exaggeration. I went damn near three weeks. Went to the ER, they said "wait and see." went to a different ER and they said "come back when it's worse." My wife was like "You mean when he's fuckin dead?"
I was cold to the touch and in serious pain. I had absolutely no energy nor color to my skin.
My wife was able to reach a local new agey place. She told the lady via Facebook what was going on and the lady opened the place on a Sunday to give me a hydrocolonic.
Let me tell you, those fuckin suck. It's so uncomfortable and makes me nauseous. But I felt so much better afterwards. And everything is clear so you watch the pounds of excrement coming out your body.
0/10 would not recommend not pooping....
-
Highway rest stop dump.......engage.
-
Highway rest stop dump.......engage.
some of these rest stop shitters are Taj Mahals. Enjoy your crunch.
-
Tim hortons coffee lit my colon fuse somethin fierce this morning
-
some of these rest stop shitters are Taj Mahals. Enjoy your crunch.
Tim hortons coffee lit my colon fuse somethin fierce this morning
"Hey MB, hallo!!....Wir vermissen dich kanadischen Bruder. Kommen Sie mit uns defaktieren!"
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2e/Donnerbalken_Fliegerabteilung_24.jpg/640px-Donnerbalken_Fliegerabteilung_24.jpg)
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"Hey MB, hallo!!....Wir vermissen dich kanadischen Bruder. Kommen Sie mit uns defaktieren!"
(https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/2/2e/Donnerbalken_Fliegerabteilung_24.jpg/640px-Donnerbalken_Fliegerabteilung_24.jpg)
we call that "the Blitzkrieg" back in the old country.
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https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/10r68nn/diarrhea_in_sensory_deprivation_tank
Title pretty much sums it up. I paid for a sensory deprivation tank experience not realizing I had contracted norovirus and was about to became symptomatic. Initially I was having a lot of weird hallucination type sensations where I chalked up to the experience (later turned out I had a 103 F fever) and somewhat fell asleep. I woke up to an awful odor and demanded to be let out of the tank and it turned out I had diarrhea’d in it. This alone was a traumatizing experience but now the facility is trying to charge me $8,000 to replace the tank as they do not feel they can safely disinfect this. I don’t recall signing anything with some sort of “diarrhea clause”, am I actually liable here?
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Diarrhea plane!
https://nypost.com/2023/09/05/delta-plane-with-explosive-diarrhea-trail-appears-on-video/
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Whoever used this bathroom before me must have been shitting pure garam masala.
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https://twitter.com/tommcgovern27/status/1687552550667698176 (https://twitter.com/tommcgovern27/status/1687552550667698176)
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https://twitter.com/tommcgovern27/status/1687552550667698176 (https://twitter.com/tommcgovern27/status/1687552550667698176)
lol
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the "morning after thanksgiving dinner" dump was a doozer
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the "morning after thanksgiving dinner" dump was a doozer
Mine was titled "a whole quart of Singapore mei fun"
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Mine was titled "a whole quart of Singapore mei fun"
this post restarted the Vietnam War.
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Just gave birth to a massive food baby. Taco Thursday wasn't kind.
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https://twitter.com/historyinmemes/status/1724488421765206016?t=xYESKMFTr0tXM8wtV2p-hg&s=19
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https://twitter.com/historyinmemes/status/1724488421765206016?t=xYESKMFTr0tXM8wtV2p-hg&s=19
Hooker part isn't true, but still funny.
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Hooker part isn't true, but still funny.
Really? Never heard it debunked before.
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Really? Never heard it debunked before.
You guys up there are responsible for hookers. Thanks?
https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-hoo4.htm
However, there’s a fatal flaw: the word is recorded several times before the Civil War. It’s listed in the second edition of John Bartlett’s Dictionary of Americanisms of 1859 and another example is known from North Carolina in 1845. An even earlier instance was turned up by George Thompson of New York University in The New York Transcript of 25 September 1835, which contains a whimsical report of a police court hearing in which a woman of no reputation at all is called a hooker because she “hangs around the hook”.
This obscure reference is to Corlear’s Hook, an area of New York. Bartlett suggests the same origin for the term, based on “the number of houses of ill-fame frequented by sailors” in the area. Though this origin sounds plausible, it may well be that John Bartlett and others who made this connection were falling victim to an earlier version of folk etymology.
It probably existed before General Hooker, but he may have made it more famous.
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You guys up there are responsible for hookers. Thanks?
https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-hoo4.htm
It probably existed before General Hooker, but he may have made it more famous.
General TJ Hooker
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You guys up there are responsible for hookers. Thanks?
https://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-hoo4.htm
It probably existed before General Hooker, but he may have made it more famous.
TIL
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Managed to drop a turd sideways in the toilet and it got lodged that way. Took three flushes and a tool fashioned of toilet paper to dislodge it.
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Managed to drop a turd sideways in the toilet and it got lodged that way. Took three flushes and a tool fashioned of toilet paper to dislodge it.
Poop knife
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Poop knife
I briefly considered getting a plastic knife but I wanted a solution where I could flush everything involved.
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I briefly considered getting a plastic knife but I wanted a solution where I could flush everything involved.
Gotta bring your son in on that one so he can see how his old man solves real world problems.
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https://x.com/breaking911/status/1743095484174958895?s=46&t=e6vm1ybQ4I7pEpNpNEkBkg
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https://twitter.com/sonnerly/status/1760878521444897107?t=Pq-C6d890ij178e-xkdHkA&s=19
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https://twitter.com/sonnerly/status/1760878521444897107?t=Pq-C6d890ij178e-xkdHkA&s=19
That's a military barracks bathroom.
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That was like the bathroom in my college dorm in the 90s. You get used to it after a while. Those days are gone, I'm sure the bathrooms there are now double-walled and hepa-filtered or something. Would be a bit weirder at work though since you don't live with those people.
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I just gave birth to a massive turd....I named it Kuato. #FeltLikeASpinalTap
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I just gave birth to a massive turd....I named it Kuato. #FeltLikeASpinalTap
Bring him to the tailgate
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Bring him to the tailgate
How dare you judge it's gender.
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Bring him to the tailgate
I want to see Hobbes faceplant into it like the snowbank.
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https://x.com/historyinmemes/status/1770541823020441847?s=20
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I think I got food poisoning on my trip. Goblins were flying out of both ends all night long. Thought I was going to puke up my spleen. Cold bathroom floor feels sooooo good.
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Nasty quesadilla excrement this morning. #FaceMelter
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Some guy in the office bathroom answered a phone call while in the stall, I made sure I flushed while he was mid-sentence.
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Some guy in the office bathroom answered a phone call while in the stall, I made sure I flushed while he was mid-sentence.
Elite troll job
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Loud fart sounds were the missing piece.
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Some guy in the office bathroom answered a phone call while in the stall, I made sure I flushed while he was mid-sentence.
Nice